It's Been 18 Years...

My father passed away when I was 9. I hadn't seen him for a week, and suddenly he was gone.

I'll never forget when my grandma told me, I started to pounce on her. [She was younger then.] I'll never forget how my mom looked, all broken on the sofa surrounded by everyone in my family. My parents had been divorced for a couple years, but everyone know my mom would break like a china doll. She did, and she stayed that way for over 10 years.

I didn't cry then. Not at the viewing, not at the funeral service, not at the cemetery. I didn't cry for days. Then I cried my self to sleep for many years. I still cry about it.

I miss him. And I am really angry at him.
He wasn't supposed to leave. And though I know that's an irrational thought, I can't stop myself from having it. I have needed him often, and he is nowhere to be found.

My father, who built my life and dreams, disappeared one day; he's missed out on everything. And in a way, so have I.  
UCFiT UCFiT
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 20, 2007

That must have been terribly hard to handle. I lost a brother suddenly in 1999 to a car accident. But I was an adult and could handle it like one. I can't imagine losing my father at such a young age. That must have been extraordinarily difficult. It's good that you are talking it out though, this site is good for letting things out.