Both Are Gone But I Really Miss The One

My first year in Chicago I got a call from my aunt trying to reach my father I knew my Grandfather was sick and he was going to die I knew this was the call and I was only angry. I was angry because this man who clearly was unable to apologize to me for the pain and hurt he caused, the years he didn't want to know me, the moments he could have spent with me and proud of me when he stayed away.... he let me feel unloved and unwanted.... and I was mad that I might have gotten to say my peace......

He didn't pass that day.... I made it to say goodbye and I got there and he was a fraction of what he had always been I sat there more angry he knew he was going to die he knew I was hurt it was all over my face and he just said I love you, you always went your own way that takes guts..... I left and knew he was going to die and I couldn't say " I hated you for so long and you hurt me so badly and all I wanted was you to know me...... whats wrong with you"

He died two weeks later and I went to his funeral to be there for my father.... I am still mad and the wound is festering I don't miss him.

Now I was lucky I have had 3 men in my life who have loved me unconditionally. My Father, My Jason but the best and the one I loved the most my Grandpa.

The Man who would sit and read bird books with me, and take me on walks and plant veggies in his backyard, the man you built me countless things I could never part with, go fishing with, and walks by the river, the man who believed I could do anything and told me all the time, the man who saw the real me and still loved me. He was AMAZING and honestly not a day goes by that I feel like I can breathe because he is not here anymore he got sick in November of last year and He passed away the 5th of December and I was crushed unable to feel anything but deep shocking loses and I still can't stomach the hurt....
But I have my memories to keep me going to keep me sane but I miss him so much
Starbuck82 Starbuck82
31-35, F
Oct 6, 2011