I Missed It

in 2001, i was in my first rehab, when i received the news that my grandpa was in the hospital. as soon as i got out i went to visit him. the sad part is that he found out i had a drug problem on his death bed. anyway, we received a call that he may not make it through the night. so we went to the hospital. we spent all night and stayed through the next day. he was in icu so we could only visit at regulated hours. during the lunchtime visit we were told he was doing better. well, i was in the processing of hooking up with a really hot guy at the time also, so i decided to leave the hospital to meet this guy. unfortunately during the evening visit, that i was not at, grandpa passed away. they let all of the family in the room, and everyone witnessed him take his last breath! and i missed it! i was so angry with myself. i took his passing pretty hard anyway, he was my only grandpa, and we were close. when we had the funeral i freaked out because he was the first dead body i had ever seen. and it was my grandpa! i have always hated myself for missing those last precious moments of his life, for chosing that guy over grandpa, but part of me is greatful because i'm not sure i could have handled witnessing it anyway. today i go visit his grave every year on my sobriety anniversary and bury my sober coin at his grave. that is my way of apologizing for not being there, and letting him know i am clean today.

scooper scooper
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 3, 2009

quite an honorable way to recognize his passing, I'm sure if he is somewhere somehow he appreciates the effort now much more from you than he could've then.