Struggling to Cope With Loss of a Loved One

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago and I am really struggling. I seem fine one minute and am all weepy the next. I can't seem to concentrate on anything. I go from room to room in my house not knowing why. It is really hard to focus. Just wondered if anyone out there has suggestions.

Liliane Liliane
66-70, F
4 Responses Feb 28, 2009

I am also still grieving the loss of my soulmate of 14 years. He passed away December 13th. I can tell you that the pain is raw but it has gotten somewhat easier as time goes by. Don't get me wrong...he is on my mind constantly. He is everywhere and involved in everything I do. I talk to him all the time and this helps me. I would love to hear him talk back to me, but I am now accepting the fact that will never happen.<br />
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I agree with Lorraine...it comes and goes in waves. The last 4 days have been ok...but last week I was a total mess. Today I was crying like a baby. I have been told by friends and supporters that this is normal. The sadness overwhelms me at times and then the next moment I remember his laughter and I laugh out loud with him. I can actually smile when I think of him or look at his picture now, when 2 weeks ago I could not without turning into a basket case.<br />
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I am learning to live alone again. Not by choice but because I have no choice. I owe it to him to be strong and find myself again...without him. This is my legacy to my dear Tony.<br />
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If you asked me last month how I was doing...I would fall apart. Now I can actually answer the question when people ask how I am. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't.<br />
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If you ever need to talk...I am here for you. I am sooo very sorry for your loss. Just know that there are many of us on this site feeling the same things that you are feeling right now. You are very much NOT alone. I will keep you in my prayers. May God embrace you with His understanding and Love that surpasses all others.

Oh! I wish you didn't have to go through this!<br />
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The thing is: there IS no way to shorten the healing process. You just HAVE to go through it day by day, and wait out your time, even if you don't feel the strength to cope. Today is here. Even if you feel weepy right when guests are arriving at your house. Today is here. Or, something suddenly reminds you, and you burst into tears. Or you start missing your life that you were leading, or hear a joke that you know he would like, or see an item in a shop the he could use, but....again, you are reminded and saddened by missing him. That IS greif. And the only way through is to embrace it and let yourself think about him. He will always be a huge part of what makes you, you. Even if well-meaning people try not to talk about him in from of you, for fear of making you weep....they're just awkwardly trying to be kind to you. <br />
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Thoughts of him will never, ever go out of your mind, but one day, you WILL be able to live with the thoughts. It's not about forgetting someone, its about how to go on with out them. God bless you.

Grief comes in waves....like the ocean, it will overwhelm you then leave you only to return sometimes larger waves sometimes smaller.<br />
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Be kind on yourself, and allow time....it will appear worse around B/d and holiday seasons as well as when your favourite TV programme comes on.<br />
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Please know he is safe and happy and doesn't want you to be unhappy. YOU WILL SEE HIM AGAIN ! I KNOW....please read both stories in my blog.<br />
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hugssss

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