I Miss Him So Much

My world as I knew it ended on June 24th 2012 when my husband Brian died of stomach cancer aged 39. He left me and our 2 kids aged 8 and 3 . We were together 20 years and married for 13 I simply don't know who I am without him. I don't know how to be an adult without him or a parent or a person. Empty doesn't even begin to explain this feeling at 37 how do you start again ??? I miss being married being part of a couple having my best friend in bed beside me. Please can someone tell me this gets better or easier i doubt it though reading your stories we are all in the same godless place. Family and friends are amazing but they can't know only people like us can. I thank god every day for my kids I almost lost my life having my 3 year old boy can't believe just 3 years later god took Brian.
Coggie2 Coggie2
5 Responses Sep 23, 2012

Families are forever. Families are the building blocks of heaven. What most religions of today do not understand is that in biblical temples for example "the Temple of Solomon" families were sealed for all eternity by those who were called to perform these priesthood ordinances. God, being a just God, has provided a way for all of his children to be sealed for time and all eternity into their eternal families. For individuals to be sealed into these eternal families they have to accept the gospel of Christ and live their lives in such a way as to qualify for this eternal blessing. These priesthood ordinances are being performed on earth today for both the living and the dead. They are part of the restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. To understand how families are sealed and what it means to be worthy of these blessings please contact a missionary (ages 18-21) of the Mormon Church "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints" or visit this web page “www.mormon.org” where you can chat with a missionary and view other materials. It will change your life as it did mine.


Hi sweetheart;
I just lost my husband Sept 2, 2012 to stomach cancer as well. He was an old Navy fighter pilot--Top Gun--so he swore until the bitter end that he was going to dodge this bullet as he had so many times in his colorful past. We were married 41 years. He was my best friend and I am so lost I wonder if I can go on without him. While he was alive and suffering we both wondered what we had done to bring this horrible wrath upon us.
I went out today to buy a new pair of shoes, thinking that might make me feel normal, but the first store was playing Xmas music (Have Yourself a Merry Little Xmas) so I had to leave, the second store was playing love songs (You Are So Beautiful To Me) so I went and sat in the car and cried. I'm so scared that my life will be nothing but this daily misery and torture from now on.
You, my dear, are blessed that you have those young children who need you, and you have so much life ahead of you with all the trials and tribulations of raising them, but all the joy their little lives will bring you. My son is all grown up and doesn't live near, nor do I have family near, so this will be the biggest challenge of my life to forge ahead into unknown waters all alone. Bless you, hug your babies, they need you.

I lost my husband to lung cancer in October this year, we had been together for 40years, he was my best friend and soul mate. I am struggling everyday without him. I too wonder how to go on feeling so alone.
Is this your first Christmas without your husband?
I am dreading Christmas, we had booked to go out for our dinner this year, as last year my husband was in the hospital.
I hope that you find the strength to be able to go out soon without getting too upset.
I have yet managed to do that. Everyone keeps saying that time will help for the pain to ease.
Please don't think you are alone, have you contacted the support groups in your area for help?
Take care

Hello Boon:
My sincerest condolences. You have just lost your dearest friend and companion and it's sheer misery to have to cope with that loss. It's been 14 months since my husband passed and all I can tell you is that my heart feels broken beyond repair. I feel broken. Sometimes I just cry out loudly "Nick Come Home to ME, Don't Leave Me Like This!!!
I understand your dread for the holidays. Last Xmas was my first without him and I just held my breath hoping that it would soon pass, but I wasn't even prepared for this last summer. I went to our cabin in the Sierras where we had spent 37 of our summers there together---all I could see was him standing there with tears running down his face, knowing that he was going to die and never see his beloved Sierras again, taking his last look at the lake.
I never could have imagined experiencing such incredible pain and heartbreak and it hasn't gone away, not one tiny bit.
I thought of going to a grief counselor, but I haven't the courage to go to a support group because there's really not much anyone can tell me other than platitudes, like "time will heal" and the most insensitive and very worst is "you'll find somebody else", like the well meaning post from 'windlion' here suggesting not to pass up a cup of coffee with someone new---makes me want to scream.
Hold on tight Boon, it's a bumpy ride, but we'll make it.

I too wonder how to go on. I feel like my life is over. This house is so empty and lonely. Others dont understand; we need each other because we are on the same playing field. May you and all of us find peace ( somehow. )

Thanks for taking the time to support me your right only those on this playing field do understand . People think that in time we will get over our loss but that's not the case is it we may grow to accept it but the devastation will always remain. God bless all the members of this site and may we all find the strength we need to go on xxxx

Thank you for your kind words I really needed them this week. When I close my eyes all I can see is his smile and I know I have a great job to do in raising our kids before I get to go home to him. I hope that one day like you I might find someone to share my journey there. God bless you.

There's a picture on the wall behind me that my late wife took -- our grandson playing by a lake with his aunt gently holding him back from disaster --and after four years, still all I can see in it is the photographer's smile. So, no, it doesn't seem to get much better in the sense of the stabs of pain, no.

It has grown easier for me to bear over the years, though, because I have been reminded time and again that there are so many, many lonely and hurting people here who need caring. Like your son, I think of those people as the Almighty's gift, reminders that the Wheel is still spinning and that -- for us -- it is still Day, our neighbors need to know that we are still open to living life, and there are still things to do before we are allowed to go Home.

My fiancee, also a member of our sad community, needed someone, as do I. A friend set up a blind date for us, we met for coffee and stayed for dinner.... It's been a frustratingly long road to reunion, but we are sure it will be worth the trip and look forward to meeting each others' departed spouses "like angels" some day soon.

Wishing you the best of journeys, also.

(P.S. It can start with agreeing to meet someone new for a cup of coffee. Good luck!)

Dear Windlion:
I am so happy that you have found someone new and I truly wish you and your new bride the very best.
Please realize however, that there are many of us that don't want someone 'new'--not now, perhaps not ever.
My husband used to sing me a Lou Rawls song---lyrics--"You'll never find another love like mine, someone who loves you like I do. You'll never find the rhythm the rhyme all the magic we share, just us two---------" Thank-you, but I'll pass on your "Good Luck" in finding a replacement.

Always respecting your very personal choice, Junebuggy -- and no, I doubt anyone can ever find a replacement or loves like we once shared (they're all one-of-a-kind). Wishing you a good life and a peaceful heart.

Just curious-- in your post you said, "It has grown easier for me to bear over the years". How many years?

Five. My mother-in-law is at 13; no difference, she says.

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