What The Hell Just Happened Here?

On June 10, 2012 I took my husband to the ER because he was having difficulty breathing. We thought he had pneumonia. In the ER we joked about his exposure to breathing in too much smoke from a meat smoker he was working on. He lost his voice. For two weeks it didn't come back and then he couldn't lay down, eat or breathe, we went. He wanted to go the hospital that had litteraly save my life a year before when I had a quad. bypass. He felt safe there. They started running blood tests and did an echo cardigram. They found fluid build up around his heart, which they drained. Kept telling us they were waiting on test results. He was in CCU all the next day and doing better. Still didn't know what was going on, but trying to get him better before our Daughter came home from college for a visit. She wanted to come home immediately but I told her to wait until they had him feeling better, it was only 9 more days before she was going to be home. I spent my day in and out of CCU he seemed to be resting and doing better. I went home that night and got clothes and took care of our animals. Went back the next morning and went to the CCU. He didn't seem to be doing as well but he told me he felt better. I just remember he was so cold to the touch. I kept family and friends updated but didn't have any real diagnosis yet. At 8:30 pm that night he said he had to go the bathroom. I called in the nurses and left the room for 10min. Went outside, had a good cry and came back. They wouldn't let me pass the nurses station, I thought because they were trying to get him resettled. The head nurse came out and put her arm around me and asked, "Do you want us to keep trying?" Seven words that changed my life forever. I miss him so much and I can't forget any minute of those last 3 days. We were married 39 years. I have wonderful memories but i wanted so many more. I asked the nurse, "What the hell just happened?" Her reply, "They told you this morning that he had cancer" They never told me, they had told him that morning and he never told me. I truly Thank God that he didn't have to suffer, but I sure am. I thought maybe sharing this would help me. I hope so.