A Year Long Battle With Lukemia

My husband of 30 years recently died of lukemia.  We were both teachers and had just retired when he was diagnosed with AML lukemia. The past year was spent in and out of the hospital.  After a few hopeful months, the news became discouraging and then hopeless. I tried to give my husband hope and he seemed to think that there was hope for his condition until the last three or four days before he passed away.  I regret not having honest conversations with him about dying and his fears.. I think both of us wanted to pretend that it wasn't going to happen so that we didn't make the other one unhappy.  We have three children, two in college, and one just out of college. All of our children looked up to their father and admired him for the life he led and courage he had in his fight with cancer. He always put his faith and his family first and our children know how much he loved them.  He also loved his work with children and the staff at the school where he worked. His easy, calm manner helped him make friends with people in many circles including the musicians he played bluegrass with, his praise band, many friends in the neighborhood, scouts, our kid's schools, the nurses and doctors that cared for him, and our church family. The outpouring of love for him was seen at his memorial service when about 600 people attended and and wonderful stories and experiences people shared.  He was a wonderful husband that loved me unconditionally and I loved him.  Through his illness I learned that I loved him more than I thought was even possible. My life will never be the same without him.

I am going to try to continue teaching part-time to help keep my mind on something positive and to help with college tuition. So far I have found that if I keep really busy, I get through the days and nights. I am interested in learning how other people have made it through the first few months after a spouse has died.  I'm sure others have some advice for getting through this tough time.

chrismac chrismac
56-60, F
1 Response Mar 27, 2009

I am still tryng to get through everyday. I try to keep busy, right n owit is easy as we are losingour hoem and have to move due to the fact I cannot arrofrd the rent. But even though I am busy, the nights are the hardest. I find myself not sleeping much, when I do sleep I dream of him and wake up crying. I pray this will get easier, everyone tells me it will eventually. <br />
God bless you, I know exactly how you feel, My husband died of brain cancer on april 1, 2009