Post

2003

I lost my virginity at 19, I lost my innocence decidely much later. 2003 was the time, I honestly don't know if I was aware of the corrosive ability of a crisis of faith in successfully derailing the whole innocence thing. I do know that I was promptly aware of a more survivalist mentality that followed. That's not to say I lost my compassion but I was infinitely more willing to cut people adrift whom I felt would never improve or who were not willing to take the necessary actions to get to a brighter place. I used to love lost causes, lost people, lost or dark or outright twisted souls. I found them fascinating; far more real and tangible than the girls who moaned over breaking a nail or messing up their makeup.

Yes, that loving innocent angelic side of me is lost. It may very well remain lost forever but at least now, I can live in the innocence of the moments of infinity and I can take my mind back to the glorious days when I set out to be the innocent hand that would rock the cradle of the free world.

deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses May 27, 2009

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And light. Your wanting love and to be loved is proof of that. ((hugs)))

Its still there, its just buried because of what you went through. It will be ignited by something that means something to you, something that you want to protect and deserves protecting. It will inspire you and remind you of your own innocence and then you will feel that it was there the entire time. Just buried. From the past, you will know how to embrace it and avoid what you need to avoid to protect yourself. What a wonderful, peaceful day that will be.

i like this story. i can somewhat relate.