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You Took My Joy And I Want It Back

She took my joy and I will get it back.
I had such high hopes I would be able to make something with her. She fit the age, charismatic personality, and independence I was looking for. I believed what she said she wanted was really what she really wanted. Then after she had my heart, I found out what she really was trying to get was far different than what she told me. It was all a plan made up in a very disturbed mind ravaged by years of PTSD and Bi Polar. The insecurity started and the breakdowns, then the violent outbreaks, followed only by more manipulation until one day because I disagreed with her on what was written on something, which would have been a very trivial matter in any other circumstances with almost anyone else, she raised the phone to her ear and started to dial 911 while informing me I had to leave and the cops where on their way . I left and for the next few days went about my business as usual when a sheriff showed up and issued a restraining order against me. I had done nothing to warrant the order and when we went to court a week later with it a judge agreed completely there was no grounds for the order and dismissed it all.
Well I just want to say that for that week and for the several months that have passed since that incident I have been sinking lower and lower into a place that has very little joy. You see she stole my joy. You women who think you can conduct yourselves in whatever manner you please and you consider it all settled for him after you end the relationship; you are to me nothing but thieves. You steal a joy of which may never come back. I don’t care anymore if you have a disorder, or any other reason for being a bad actor. You are nothing but thieves and I hate you for it. I have lost enormous parts of my life trying to be understanding, be patient and tolerant, and rise above what is irrational and I know I will never get that time back.
So from now on, if you cannot bring me joy and promise if we ever part you will not take that joy with you, I will never have anything to do. I have lost many things to other people and given of some things until it left me struggling for a long time, but one of my biggest losses was my joy. So when Lucinda Williams came out with that song it became my own personal theme song.

"Joy" - Lucinda Williams
I don't want you anymore
Cause you took my joy
I don't want you anymore
I don't want you anymore
cause you took my joy
i don't want you anymore
you took my joy
you took my joy
i want it back
you took my joy
i want it back
i'm gonna go to west memphis and look for my joy
go to west memphis and look for my joy
maybe in west memphis I'll find my joy
maybe in west memphis i'll find my joy
i'm gonna go to slidell and look for my joy
go to slidell and look for my joy
maybe in slidell I'll find my joy
maybe in slidell I'll find my joy
2Leadindeed 2Leadindeed 56-60, M Mar 25, 2012

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