My little brother (8 years younger) has been out of prison for 5 months and was on parole.  He got a DWI last night so he's headed back to prison to finish a year and a half of prison time he was paroled for.  I'm really upset with this.  He's only 24 years old and has been in prison for 4 1/2 years.  Now it'll be six years before he's 25.  The first thing I told him when he got out in January is to be careful drinking.  I told him I'm not lecturing him and wouldn't mention it again but I thought it was dangerous for him to drink considering his past.  Well, I truly hate to be right but maybe this will be his wake-up call.  God I hope so.  I sure love him, he just can't stay out of trouble.
ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
13 Responses Jun 23, 2007

Thanks's appalling how many people spend their lives in and out of prison. I know that people learn how to be better criminals in prison. They also usually have nothing to return too, no hopes for a job, etc. And the easiest thing to do is return to the same life they were living before. It's a damn shame!

Well you are correct Dreamed...can't was the wrong word...hasn't would be the correct word and it is important to think that way. I spent many years screwing up my life and I'm sure a lot of people thought I couldn't pick myself up but I have. It is a daily struggle though and a life of sobriety has it's own unique challenges compared with a life of drinking.

LOL, it's a gift and a curse

yes, stubbornness and being hard headed runs in my family too.

Well my bro has had a lot of wake up calls but I still believe in him. I had many wake-up calls myself with my problems with substance abuse so I know how powerful denial can be. Often we must put ourselves through hell before we can start to make progress. Damn hard headed people!

my little brother got in trouble a few years ago, luckily for him that was a wake up call. I hope it happens for your brother too.

All I can do is write him and go see him when I can and be honest about the way that I feel. He says that he's quitting drinking this time when he gets out. I'll do whatever I can to help him but ultimately people can only help themselves. Good luck to you, my heart goes out to you :)

My brother-in-law is in as well. With him though he seems to do better in there. He comes out, does great, and then does something so totally off the wall that they have to put him back. This last time he was out over a year when he stole a car, picked up his girlfriend and went for a joy ride. As the police chased him he jumped out of the moving car, broke into someones house and actually hid in the fridge! Needless to say it was in the paper locally and my daughters class happend to be reading up on current events when our name popped up. (not a common one) I guess my point is that although you tried and you mentioned the drinking thing, sometime we need to want to help ourselves. Don't beat yourself up about it as you can't go back and change it so you just move on... continue the ride and hope that next time he comes out he tries harder.

Telling someone while they are wasted is pointless but after they are recovering from the hangover is a good time to say something b/c they are already filled with regret.

Thanks for the comments Celainn, they were helpful. You are very right that every person has to reach a point (a low) to achieve redemption. I've hit bottom several times but the most recent one I think did it for me. I've been sober for 5 months now. The only thing I differ with is that you say you can't "say or do" anything. To a certain extent that is true b/c you can't control that person and everyone decides what they do on their own. But I think far too many people stand by in silence as their family members or friends kill themselves. I know I wish some people were more honest with me. I've heard a lot of things after the fact. Like, "I thought you might kill yourself." is one I heard from my brother. But he never said anything when I was at that point. Only after I was in the clear. It would have helped me a lot at that point to hear someone I care about express their worries. I will express my worries to my little brother knowing that only he can change himself but that I said what I could to let him know I love him and am scared for him if he does not change.

Thanks Diana and Constant, really appreciate it. Slacker, you were absolutely useless. Glad you were sorry to hear my story. Don't read it next time if you'll be sorry to hear it.

I"m sorry to hear your story... I have a problem with an alcoholic and in more honestly than not, I hope they get caught. You can't say or do anything.

geez, siddler ... that SUCKS! we can only hope while he's in there that he gets himself together and comes out on the other better than he is now - realizing he doesn't HAVE to drink to have a good time ... make sure to write him ea week ... he needs to know you're there for him more than ever. i have an uncle that spent 15 yrs (2 seperate stints) in the st pen for drugs, breaking and entering, etc. but ... the kicker and what finally got him to straighten out? while he was in the 2nd time his daughter was hit in a crosswalk and killed... i guess sometimes we need major wakeup calls in life, huh?