Watching Someone Die

My mother's liver starting failing last summer. She turned yellow and her stomach starting swelling. She refused going to the doctor until it became painful. By then, the cirrhosis of her liver was irreparable and her kidneys were not functioning properly. She spent a couple months in Jacksonville at Mayo, but ultimately they refused to put her on the transplant list because they said she wasn't mentally stable. Now, my mother wasn't the sanest person, by any means. But, too crazy to live? I don't believe so. They said that she should go to AA for 12 weeks and see a therapist, then they would reevaluate her for the transplant list. She was dead 2 months later.

My father quit his job, sat with her at the hospital day in and day out. Brought her home when she was stable and was by her side every minute of every day. He lost his health insurance and couldn't afford to hire help, but of course I was there whenever I could be. We got through it together. It wasn't easy, but we had no other choice. There was no way we were going to put her in some state run hospice. She was going to die, and we were going to let her die in her own home. In her own bed, clean and as comfortable as possible. She was loved and we made sure she knew it.

The system failed my mother. And it failed my entire family. Yes, she was an alcoholic, but she was an amazing person and she deserved to live. In a world where we forgive murderers, rapists, and thieves, how is it ok to let someone die because of their mistakes. She never hurt anyone but herself. And now the people who loved her will suffer the consequences for the rest of our lives. But no one on the medical staff at the Mayo Clinic took us into consideration.

My mother was 50 years old when she died. She and my father had been married for 29 years. She left behind a grandson, a daughter, two sons, a mother, two sisters, and many other family members.
lc13fl lc13fl
26-30, F
1 Response May 23, 2012

I haven't spoken properly about what happened to my mother or how i feel about it till i saw your post and it has deeply moved me. My mother died at 10.30pm on paper but to me at 9.20pm on September 10th and between that hour and 10mins i waited with her dead body with my younger brother in hope she would move and come back.
My mother like yours had the usual symptoms of an alcoholic but to the end pretended that was not the case.
I wish i could be angry with her but as you have said i feel it was not her to blame..she had an addictive personality quite wonderful to everything else but not alcohol.
She was an amazing woman with a phd in neuro-science, msc in psychology a pro figure skater,climber (pretty much anything she put her hands to-a trait i envy and admire)her sense of humor was without fail one to have anybody chuckling away.

I miss her terribly and i wish somebody had listened to me over the 2 years i said she needed help!

Take peace in that you have helped a stranger come to some peace with your post.

Thank you for understanding!