I Can't Believe She's Really Gone....................now What Do I Do?
In October Mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. How can that be? The one person on earth I have always considered to be immortal, I always thought that she'd out live me. It's not possible for her to go first. It's not the way I wanted it. I sound and feel like a little kid when I say that "it's not fair"! Why her? What has she done to deserve such a death sentence? She's always been such a good person. Always doing for others before or even IF she thought of herself. I'm angry. She deserved better than this. She deserved so much more from life than what she was dealt & lived through. I'm filled with regrets, lost wishes I wanted for her.
I haven't even begun to deal with the diagosis and yet we just lost her on April 27th! I have only the comfort of knowing she didn't have to suffer the coming misery that was to be hers. Don't get me wrong, she was in pain but nothing compared to what lay ahead for her. I do know she's in a better place now. She's with her Mom, Dad, Brother & Sister. She's not in any pain anymore. She's whole & happy now. But oh how I miss her! I keep picking up the phone to tell her some stupid thing or just to check in with her. Every time I walk into her house I expect to see or hear her.
I'll have to add more to this later, it's too hard to do now.......words, thoughts & feelings are stuck inside not knowing how to come out & make sense. For anyone reading these stories, if you still have your Mom around, give her a hug & tell her how much you love her. Every chance you get, while you still have her. Appreciate still having her here with you. Please.