To The Most Incredible Person I've Ever Had In My Life.

When I was 10 years old .. I remember my mother had been complaining about some pain in her breast, she showed me and it looked like an crater in her breast, she had been complaining about this to our family doctor for a while and he would say: It's a sist, nothing to worry about , no need to take any tests. After a year and a half my mother decided to go for a second opinion. This doctor took 3 different tests and found a tumor the size of a large egg. I had just turned 11 years old and asked my mother to switch me doctors as our family doctor had not been reliable and detected the cancer at an early stage. my mother decided to stay with the same doctor as he had been her doctor for more than 20 years and really trusted him, but she was wrong... She was getting chemo and radiation on a regular basis , she was very ill for the whole time. It was hard to see her this way as I was very young and confused  and I was about 13 years old and started being quite delinquent . And the whole side of my mothers family started to target me as a cause so I distanced myself away from them as much as I could. I was a young teenager in need of people to be there for me but instead my whole family was blaming me for the issues and my mothers illness. thank god, after 3 years of battling the disease she was finally in remission. About six months later she started having pain in her esophagus She still had the same doctor. he told her she might be developing asthma , she took several puffers , by that time I was older and pressed her to get a second opinion. The other doctor told her the cancer had spread to her esophagus and lungs. By that time we knew she was terminally ill. But she wasn't ready to go without a fight, she took the treatments as long as she could and died on the 11th of June 2004, i was supposed to graduate that year , I did later on but my family blamed me and abandoned me for her death when she passed. I was glad in a way cuz i wouldn't have to deal with them making me feel guilty . but it still hurts .  I loved my mother more than any of them ever did and I have seen and been closer to her through all her illness than any of them have. They just don't know how horrible it was for a young teenager to see and live those things.  I hope I can find someone who understands and who might have gone through something similar . I am 24 now and still miss my mom. She was the most amazing person I've ever met. She was kind, loving, caring, entertaining, sweet, strong, interesting and intriguing  the greatest host, In a room of 1000 people , you would notice her, cuz she shined. I hope she has left me some of her qualities as she was the most amazing person I've ever met. 
Yzzi Yzzi
22-25, F
31 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Am sorry about your loss I lost my mom on 06/05/13 and am still on denial. Am sorry to hear you didn't have anyone to give you moral support I know it doesn't get any easier I just wish for you to cherish all the memories of your mom and treasure them for the rest of your life

You sound like an intelligent girl. Shame on your family for making you feel as though u were a burden-- you were a child! Nothing should have been expected of you! I can tell you really loved and admired your mother. I am sorry for your loss.

Take heart dear,i'd a similar prob. in 2006.

Take heart dear,i'd a similar prob. in 2006.

You sound like a very strong young woman. <br />
It is unfair and completely wrong for your extended family to lay any kind of blame or guilt on you. You did the best you could, especially for a teenage girl who already has stuff to deal with. <br />
My mum had breast cancer when I was five. It impacted my life significantly as her fear of it recurring shaped all our lives. It came back recently. Its spread to her bone and lungs. She's currently undergoing chemo. I've felt a lot of guilt. It can be a natural thing to feel but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to feel. I'm about to book in for my first ever trip to a psychologist actually... We'll see how that goes. <br />
<br />
Your mother sounded like a very strong and endearing woman. I'm sure she was proud to have you as her daughter and grateful for you sticking by her. You're lucky you had her through the younger childhood years that count. I'm lucky too. At least that's what I try to remind myself every day. :)

Fighting!!

sorry me too

hello,<br />
this is story of suffering, but it is nature who is real mother, who teach every one on day-to-day basis.<br />
I accept that for every child mother is great ideal, But who take birth in this world one day he or she will left this world for unkown journey. so please accept the life as it comes and take of yourself.<br />
with lover,<br />
your brother,

Thank you everyone for your stories and comments , I am touched that so many of you have taken the time to write me kind words , words of advice , words too keep my head up. I agree with many of you , I know my mother is watching over me and she lends me her shoulder when I'm down and smiles for me when I'm happy. I did have an amazing relationship with her and I am greatful to have had that at least as some of you have never experience that bond I was the love of her life and she too, when she was just about to die was more worried about me than herself. I feel sad that some people were not able to experience having an amazing mother. My advice to you is keep your eyes open , I have been able to find people through my life that were mother figure types, and if you meet someone that has the potential to be that to you , you should take that opportunity and appreciate it and cherish what this person has to offer you .<br />
<br />
I also agree with some of you that have said sometimes it's better to create your own family , and leave those who bring you negative emotions behind.I have forgiven them for the way they treated me for the past years I have created my own family through friends, co-workers, etc and it seems to have brought some very amazing people in my life. Just because someone is not linked to you through blood doesn't mean they can't be like family and be there for you and support you, and just because you are linked with someone through blood doesn't mean they will be all those things to you, and treat you the way they are supposed to. For people who have lived with their relatives being against them , I recommend opening your arms and hearts to other people.<br />
<br />
I really do appreciate all you kind words and can relate with many of you, I have been keeping my head up and living my life the best I can, although not a day goes by that I don't think of her , I do believe that it does not matter how old you are, you are never ready to loose your mother. You just have to look at the bright side of things , everything happens for a reason , I have become much stronger through all of this , I am happy she no longer has to suffer and that I don't have to watch her suffer anymore. He memory lives on in my heart and her amazingness lives on through my soul. <br />
<br />
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to give me some advice, tell me their stories , or just to send me some love and kindness. It is all much appreciated and cherished and I wish you all happiness and love .<br />
Yzzi

Your Mum sounds a wonderful woman.<br />
She is definitely watching over you.<br />
<br />
From your story I can see that your family behaved in a very bizarre way. <br />
I hope you have shrugged that off... I know it can be hard.<br />
<br />
And just a thought to ponder...its a quote from Malachy McCourt.<br />
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person (people) to die. <br />
I never really understood how insidious resentment was until I had to confront my own.<br />
Giving it up is incredibly freeing.<br />
<br />
Hugs

My mother passed away from a heart attack when I was 5. I never really started feeling sad about it until much later. It is a very strange thing to go through. I notice that I have a tough time in relationships because I now understand that we all must eventually part from each other. I will never understand life and its mysteries but I can be at peace in my own heart and live in this moment, although sometimes I grieve like there will be no tomorrow. You are all right.

Yzzi I feel for you. <br />
I have experienced much of the same, as my mom was diagnosed w/ breast cancer when I was 10 and I lost her at 19. She was an R.N. so as soon as she found out what was what, her medical knowledge and connections kicked in and she got a top oncologist who turned out to be a great friend as well as a doctor. She had a radical mastectomy that summer. She also delayed a potentially life-extending operation so she could make sure I got settled in college.<br />
<br />
For years I saw her fight this disease in many ways (chemo, radiation), with the physical side effects and hair loss. She wore a wig at times. Still lived life and made her mark and was an inspiration to so many people.<br />
<br />
I cannot believe how much of a burden you have had to carry because people blamed YOU (??) for your mom's illness. That is just horrible. You were a source of encouragement at your young age. <br />
<br />
For that, you should take heart. You did NOTHING wrong, and everything right. If you would like to talk, please message me. It's been a long time and I still miss my mom, and I always will. God Bless.

Dear Yzzi,<br />
I feel very sorry for you. Am sure that you had had such a traumatizing time, seeing your mum suffering. I'm sure you suffered as well. I cant understand how you could be blamed for any of it at a young age of 13? It does not help anyone at all. Please abandon any thoughts of guilt as you are still suffering even now. Remember your mum loved you and you loved her and miss her. Only God knows and you know what happened was beyond your doing, so forgive those who misunderstood you and live a good and responsible life ahead. Try not to dwell in the past but to look forward. Wishing you all the very best in your future endeavours

i lost my mom when i was 13. After watching her battle organ failure from uncontrolable diabetes. I went from abusive home to abusive home. Today i am married to a man that pays no attention to me and have 2 little girls who constatly demanding. The worst thing about it all is i feel so alone all the time. I totally understand your pain. I wish i could say it gets easier but the older i get the sadder i grow!

Wow! Can I ever identify with your story. My family has done the same to me. My mom would be soooo upset by this turn of events. I will always be my moms love of her life. Nobody can ever take that from either of us. Their words and actions are hurtful. with that said I nor you need to put ourselves in a situation to be hurt by people who choose to be harsh and hurtful to us. Hang in there. You are strong and wonderful just like your mom. I am sure you got alot of those great qualities. <br />
Here is something my mom use to tell me when I was having trouble dealing with hurtful mean people. "Your happiness and sucess is your best defense against these types of people" My own personal thoughts on this are that " Your anger and resentment that arises towards these people is useless. It does not affect them at all. It only eats away at you. So try to put on that great smile and kill em with kindness. I promise you will come out of this feeling so much better for it.<br />
<br />
I hope this helps. I lost my mom last year to cancer.As with your mom she went into remmission and it came back with a vengence in her lymphatic system. Hers was Cervical. She too was a great fighter against this disease. I am 43 but when it comes to my feelings for my mom. I think I will always have the feelings of little girl. After all she will always be my MOM and I will always Love her and miss her. She was also my confidant and best friend. <br />
<br />
mirypasa

hope u get peace and strength

She is with you each day, looking down, smiling each time you laugh or find joy in those little things.<br />
A trusted kind friend is what we all need, hopefully your strength will help others, as they see your strength.. God bless you dearest one. Spread your love and kindness in your mother`s memory.Our most noble trait is kindness towards others.

Hi,<br />
<br />
I lost my mother to cancer one week before her birthday in January of this year. She kept saying that she was sick and the doctors kept saying that there was nothing wrong with her. I lived over 2000 miles away, so i did nor realize that she was actually dying everyday. I finally made it to see her in December and she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung and Bone Cancer. I had just lost my sister 3 years prior to Bone Cancer at 46. The day that I arrived to see her was the day that she had gotten the diagnosis. she lasted a little bit over a month. I was able to spend her final days with her and what an amazing and strong woman.She took it so well and I hope that at the end of my life, I can do with as much dignity and grace. I am 43 years old and I will never be the same. i am stronger but definitely broken hearted. I know that she still takes care of me even from so far away. Take care.

Hi,<br />
<br />
I lost my mother to cancer one week before her birthday in January of this year. She kept saying that she was sick and the doctors kept saying that there was nothing wrong with her. I lived over 2000 miles away, so i did nor realize that she was actually dying everyday. I finally made it to see her in December and she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung and Bone Cancer. I had just lost my sister 3 years prior to Bone Cancer at 46. The day that I arrived to see her was the day that she had gotten the diagnosis. she lasted a little bit over a month. I was able to spend her final days with her and what an amazing and strong woman.She took it so well and I hope that at the end of my life, I can do with as much dignity and grace. I am 43 years old and I will never be the same. i am stronger but definitely broken hearted. I know that she still takes care of me even from so far away. Take care.

Cancer is often describded as terrible, the word does not even begin to describe it!<br />
I lost my mum almost 1 year ago, she had an angio-sarcoma in her abdomen....she went through chemo, but could not have an operation. My dad and i did'nt know much about treatments and cancers at this time and so took the doctors advice....we believe it was a mistake. Angio sarcomas in the body almost always result in death. My mum would have had a shorter but maybe easier time upto her death if she had not had chemo. We watched her suffer for 6 months it was unbearable at times...because we loved her so much.<br />
My mum was my best friend, i adored her and miss her everyday, i keep strong remembering the things she taught me and the memories of an amazing woman, she is irreplaceable!! She touched many lives and lived for others. I hope one day we can be together again. And for now hope she is in a place without pain or suffering.<br />
I LOVE YOU MUM XXX

OH well, meet the person you have everything in common with..my name is kc.! You know why they blame you...because it takes the guilt and blame from themselves. Its easy to point to someone else for things that they should of been doing-could of been doing- but they didn't. Your the easiest scapegoat because, in our youth we make dumb and even stupid at times, decisions. And these are gifts- to finger pointers, our mistakes give them ammunition to load and point. I know, I been there. My brother was 26 when he was murdered-by a man who at the time was supposed to be my boyfriend. I was 15- and making the greatest mistake of my life . I became a target for a guy of evil- corrupt- vicious ways and 7 years older then me-I hadnt a clue of what he was about. But my brother did and did his best in his own beautiful gentle and kind and loving way- that this son of all evil-was going to make my life hell. And he was so right. But in the process of giving the tools to forget about this guy...this evil man decided to teach my brother a lesson-for teaching me a lesson about who he was and to leave him. So this evil man murdered my brother. I was 15 when I found my brother on our apt floor laying in a pool of blood- my best friend-my knight- my teacher-my everything-was dead,gone and nothing i did could change that. But even then, I had no clue this evil man had anything to do with it. It wasnt until a few years later I heard pieces of the story and put it all together, and then this evil man tells me that he was the one. They never charged him he never served time he walks free today. And my f a m i l y blames every bit of it on me. And I am to blame mostly, because he gave his life for mine to protect me- if I had only listened and stayed away from this guy...he would be here today. But HOW my family blames me, when they didnt give a damn about him when he was alive. I took the time to talk to him get to know him and learn about all the things he loved and enjoyed and believed in...I knew the wonderful kind man he was. They just knew his name. None of the family has good things to say about me or my children. over the years the story changes to suit their mood at the time and as of now to date [Iam quoting the rumors] ive been a drug runner a gun runner an addict a prostitute a pimp extortionist a drug maker and an alcoholic........ALL OF WHICH I HAVE NEVER NOR WILL EVER BE. so I feel your pain and very sad for your loss. I hope my story made you feel not so alone.

Hi yzzi my heart really go out to you girl. I to have lost my mom to cancer. She was always there for me and she helped me get through many trouble times in my childhood. She was there to support, nurture and care for me, and even when she was dying she was more concerned about me then herself. She has been gone now for almost ten years, but not a day goes by that I do not think of her. May God bless you and be strong. Bobbie

I am really sorry! This makes me realise and be thankful that I still have a mother to talk with, laugh with and argue with. And treasure each day that I spend with her. But you know I feel that your mum is never far away. She may not be able to reply to you when you ask her a question or answer back when you talk to her but I can assure you she's listening and be guiding you in every step of the way. And when you shed a tear she will still be wiping your cheeks and tell you to cheer up and when your happy she's celebrating with you. Take care yourself and always remember your mum is never far away.

I know how you feel. My mother died in Jan 2010 two days after her birthday. I went through something similar with family. I know that God is able to keep you. Without Him, I don't know where I will be. Keep trusting and believing. He will make a way. My prayers are with you :)

This sort of thing will scar a person inside, and I can tell you were scared by it, as I was by my mother's passing as well. You will probably carry your pain with you forever, but you will move on, and probably have to a point already. I am sorry to hear this story.

Moms are awesome they know everything<br />
Hi mom! <-- for every mom out there.

Losing a mother for a young teen is a very devastating thing. My mother had a coronary pro thrombosis , a clot broke loose and traveled to her lungs choking her to death. Right in front of my eyes. I was 13 I did not know what was happening, I stll remember her beautiful light blue eyes staring at me in fright. It was the 60's and there was no 911' even though the ambulance came fairly quick, it was too late. She died in the ambulance all alone because my dad had To drive us children to the hospital. When we reached Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach, she was gone. I could not get over this , I blamed my Dad, who was an evil man and beat her at times.. I hated him. I didn't go back to high school for awhile and lived with my brother and his wife. I have missed my mother all my life, she was like your mother a sweet and wonderful person who did not deserve what happened to her, like your Mom she trusted the wrong people. I am so sorry for your loss, but your mother is at peace now and is not in pain anymore,so that is some consolidation. I grew up very lost and out of focus, I believe my life would had been totally different if she had lived and that awful father of mine had gone. My mother was a saint who married an evil Italian man, that was her biggest mistake. God bless you , I hope you find peace .

Yzzi,<br />
<br />
It's horrible to see a loved one go through that---especially at your age. But, I bet if you take a look at yourself and make a list of the things you like and love about you, you will notice that many of those fine qualities are from Mom. Then just open yourself up and know and feel that she is always with you. It is love that keeps us going.<br />
<br />
Best to you.

This is a very touching story. It is usu easier to blame someone else, esp when we ourselves are feeling guilty. So you must rise above them and forgive instead. Your experiences have made you into a stronger person than those who throw stones at you. You mother lives on in your heart, cus to live in the hearts of those you love is to not die. Make your mom proud by living healthy, and helping others to do the same. You have risen above the odds and I respect that.

Thank you so much for your comments, they are very enlightening and thank you for your support and compassion. It is greatly appreciated. I will follow your advice . Thanks again.

hi yzzi, i really feel for you sweetheart,to watch your mum get sicker and finally pass away at such a tender age is heartbreaking and your family was no support to you.you sound as if you've grown into a sensible intelligent woman,good for you.i too lost my mum to cancer but i was 46 and could cope better than you.i, like you still miss my mum, and remember all her loving ways.remember to always have your checks for cancer too.be vigilant.good luck with your life.