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It's Been Just About 3 Years Since My Mom Died...

So I lost my mom when I was 25 and 6 months pregnant with my first child. My mom was diagnosed in January 2007 with stage 4 breast cancer with mets to the lungs and spine. She was told then that there was nothing really anyone could do so she took hormonal therapy and lived out the rest of her life the best she could. She died November 11th 2008, it will be 3 years in November and it is still hard for me at times to think that she is actually gone. We were not very close and I am afraid at times she died dissapointed in me. I was pregnant when she died and not married and had not finished college yet. I do miss her though especially now being a mom myself, there are times that I think I need to ask mom that and then like a bad dream it hits me again that she is not here for me to ask advice. I just hope that my kids will love me like i loved her and respect me like i do her...I guess it never gets easy we just learn to cope with the emptiness left after our moms die.
elh83 elh83 26-30 10 Responses Sep 27, 2011

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dont worry dr your mother is always with you she loves you alot her care and affection is always caring you even now she left from this world but not from your heart she will again born as a baby to you to reach her loving daughter back dont worry everything will be ok keep confidence and trust mistakes will be done by every people but those who realise their mistakes are the gr8 personalities gods almighty blessings will be with them past is not important present life is precious as we cannot decide our future by past life dr do think and act about your present your weekness must becomes your strength dont afraid for anything gud will never lose it will always win do take care of yourself and your family and your father do think of your father he loves your mom alot he too misses her alot so as a daughter do look after him and share all your sorrows with your father he will suggest you and guide you in right way mom and dad never differ they both loves you equally so do see your mom in your dad take care my dr dont worry keep smiling always if you still keep your secrets without telling 2ur dad also then it means u r really doing mistake so i hope that you will not do so all the best for your future..........

To all of you that have taken the time to read and post on my story I want to say thank you! Many of your comments have made me cry but also think as well. I am happy that I got a chance to connect to people on here that understand and can reflect in a different way. I know she is looking down from where she is and is proud...it still is hard though. There are days I just want to hear her voice just one more time but I have memories that comfort me mostly. Thank you again for your kind words they do not go unread or not appreciated. <3

To all of you that have taken the time to read and post on my story I want to say thank you! Many of your comments have made me cry but also think as well. I am happy that I got a chance to connect to people on here that understand and can reflect in a different way. I know she is looking down from where she is and is proud...it still is hard though. There are days I just want to hear her voice just one more time but I have memories that comfort me mostly. Thank you again for your kind words they do not go unread or not appreciated. <3

This is all very strange. I was never rebellious against my mother, in fact she and I were very much alike, spiritual beliefs, food, clothing, most everything. i was the youngest, but feel that i was the most irresponsible because I never took action and went to see her because i felt that I had nothing good to offer her, nothing to show for my life. So I made excuses as to why i couldn't go and see her. This is before she was diagnosed. We were the closest between all of the kids but yet I wasted time trying to improve and get my crap together enough so that when i did go down and see her, I could stand proud, independent, and show her that I was all grown up. Now, she is gone, just last year in June. I had cancer myself, at the same time that I was pregnant. I was not scared. All of my fathers family and my mothers father all had cancer of once sort or another. I just new it wasn't my time. They did surgery 13 years ago and here I still stand. My mother was diagnosed in Feb and died in June. Everyday, i just work on what I can to show her that I am aware and that i know she was proud of me no matter how I felt about myself and to not wait for anything but to just do it, say it, and take action. She is watching and seeing me in all of my small and big success's and sees it in how dedicated I am to my kids. So, just take one day at a time and realize that we are always much harder on ourselves then our parents could have ever been. And never wait, take action everyday. You will get through it.

My mom passed in 2001 from emphysema. Whether you had a good relationship with your mom or not, losing your mom to death is one of the most significant losses you will ever have to face.There is a wonderful (non-profit) organization that I joined that has been a God-send for me. It's called Tapestries of Hope. It is specially for adult women whose moms have passed away. Their website is: tapestriesofhope.org & they are on Facebook, too. If you go on their regular website, click on the "Call Mom" link & then take a look around the rest of the website, too. You may find some comfort there.

I lost my Mum in 1959 when I was 19 and my father 5 years earlier in 1954. In all these years hardly a day has passed when I had not thought about them. growing up from adolescence and then adulthood without them was hard but one can manage if he has the determination. There were so many times I wished they were available for support, guidance and counsel, through so many of life's situations, through times of joy and sadness. The pinnacles of my life included my graduation from medical school, then specializing as an anaesthetist, our marriage and the birth of my son who grew up to be a fine young man and becoming a specialist internal physician, and my retirement 4 years ago from practice. Then the birth of our grand-daughter now 16 months. A period of sadness was the loss of our infant daughter from a congenital abnormality before the birth of our son. Try your best to be a good Mum, you'll succeed.

Don't worry my dear .. your mum will know even now how much you loved her .. I'm sure you do have some good memories of times with her . just remember no-one can take those away from you .. do take care and love to you and your little one xx

Mother's love is unlike any other love. Remember that. She carried you in her womb, raised you up, and even if at times you regret certain part of your relationship with her, remember the 'Human Condition', in the sense that at times, we interpret wrongly. And now that she is gone, may she R.I.P, honor her and remember her simply as your mother. Life is full of frustrations and disappointments, and I can surely bet that whatever she did to you was done out of love.

My mum died of cancer. I know she did an awful lot of wrong things to me but I still love her despite all that and Im glad she had enough money to live aproper life. If the English government had done their job properly none of this need to have happened. So please stop blaming her and please stop blaming me.

I can suggest something that might help you. Clearly you did not get on with your mother very well when you were much younger. It also seems you might have been a "difficult" teenager, which shows a possibility of rebellion/resistance against your mother. Now that you are a grown woman you see things differently but without an opportunity of showing her that you actually really cared all the time. So if you can confront your rebellious feelings of the past head-on and honestly try to understand how she felt when you were younger and why she made you angry, why she reacted towards you the way she did, and if you can truelly place yourself in her shoes so that you can understand her as a woman and a mother, understand her natural urge to care, then you might achieve peace inside you and start talking to her as if she's there. She might even answer you, because she is part of your inside.

Ok, I like what you said about her mom being a part of her inside. This is good for all of us to remember. Also elh83, forgive yourself and forgive her. This is something I need to work on while my mom is still alive. But I bet if we do forgive, we may have a sense of peace. Also finding another woman who you really value the opinion of may help you with your parenting questions and situations you go through while raising your child/ren. I am very close to my older sister-in-law and am grateful to have her to go to even though believe me, we don't always see eye-to eye, it is great to have someone to help keep you sane!

I agree with your sound advice. By my math, elh83 was 22 when her mother was diagnosed.

I struggled with these same feelings, until a friend of mine pointed out that I was 18 when my mother was diagnosed, and that my natural rebellion was interrupted. I became solicitious toward her, and, untimately, her caregiver.

In retrospec, it seems to me that somewhere in my young mind I thought God said, "Okay, sister. You're mad at this nice lady? Would you like me to give her cancer? How about suffering? How about dying young? Happy now?"

It seems absurd, but when your natural rebellion is interrupted, you have to sort of guide yourself through it,without a mother to rebel against.