Losing My Mom

See my mom and I had such a rocky relationship, but no matter what we seem to turn to each other. /Mom moved in with me and my husband fours before she lost her battle to cancer. We used to share Sunday paper and pretending to shop and just laugh. We even began some new traditions. So when she was diagnosed on February 21,2012 it was the hardest punch you can imagine. I told her she had God's hand in one and mine in the other. She was very brave in heart of hearts. Yeah we fought when she wanted a cig but I still loved her. I was there the whole step until the bitter end. It was so hard to watch her leave this world. I miss her so much. I just do not feel like myself anymore. The joy I used to feel when I taught kids and the joy of seeing my kids smile has seem to slip away. I do not know how to handle any of this. I am an only child and mom was all I had besides my kids and spouse. I was there when she took her last breath and I had to be the one who made the tough decisions. I feel as though I killed when I know in my mind it was the cancer. I just do not know how to keep going. I cry almost everyday or even snap. God I miss her so much. Mom was funny and I loved the silly jokes. How do I find the new normal.
jenniej1215 jenniej1215
36-40
Sep 10, 2012