My Mom Passed Away A Year Ago From Lung Cancer.my Family Hates Me Now

My mom was 52 when we found out she had cancer.I asked my whole family who wanted to take care of her they all said theycouldn't do it.I'm a single mom of 3 I was the onley one with kids.For 3 years it was a living hell.She said some hurt full things to me she would hit me and trow thing at me.I stood by her i never left.Now that she gone my family says my hated me and they say i killed her.I loved my mother she was every thing to me.They don't know the hell im living with watching my mom sufer.I can't take it anymore.
muffins23 muffins23
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 1, 2012

My mother passed 10 years ago and I was the only one she didn't try to attack in those last months before she died - I treated her like normal while everybody else coddled, tiptoed, and treated her with kid gloves like she was too delicate to breath on - I was the only one who didn't upset her, who let her have dignity, respect and pride - and the one that everybody lashed out at after she passed because of how "cold" I was - I never cried, I never mourned, I never felt sorry or apologized - this is the first year I didn't buy her a birthday present and try to mail it to her...if only she wasn't so far away - darn post office refuse to deliver that far out ;) it does eventually get better - some of us just take longer than others and have our own way of getting there

Thats really sad:( Lung cancer is devastating.. ~

I know the hell you went through............I have a similar story.
I lost my Mum to ovarian cancer 4 years ago , she was 66....I miss her more every day.
She was sick and having treatment for only one year. I have 3 siblings and i am the oldest. All of us had kids under 8 . I was Mums main carer and would do all i could to help her ( she was divorced and single , and happy to be ) I was thankful for all the time i spent helping her and it was my pleasure to do so . My youngest sister felt the same but was pregnant and had the baby during Mum's illness. This made it harder for her to help Mum. My brother who lives 2 hours away came when he could. My other sister, who live in town , helped out when she could ( or rather felt like it ). In the end when things got hard we took turns sleeping at Mum's house and rotating shifts. My youngest sister and i were juggling our lives and kids around Mum , but it got to the point where we needed more help. Finally i called my other sister to ask her to pitch in a bit more....She ended up saying ...I can't ...I know that you think I'm a b****, but i can't ........So ......we carried on doing all we could for Mum..When she was gone the relationship between my sister and I crumbled into nothing..Her doing not mine...We use to be the best of friends...but that will never be the case again...we do talk again but it's not close anymore. She had no more commitments than the rest of us , she just didn't have it in her...You know who you can count on when things get bad , and you also know who not to count on after something like this..
I too had times where my Mum said horrible things to me and she would never do that to me ever....It was her meds, pain , fear and lack of sleep that said those things , not her..
I now know that i does not matter how old you are when you lose your Mum , the pain you feel is so deep. It felt like i was dying...a gut wrenching physical pain....
4 years before i lost my Mum , we lost my Father-in-law..A wonderful father and grandfather...to a brain tumor, he battled for 2 years....
My mother in law then got leukemia , and is doing ok 7 years on.
If ONLY your Mum knows, that you did your best to help her, then that's all that matters..
You know you did everything you could and you should be proud of yourself for it...
Your family who are saying all the nasty things to you are struggling with their guilty conscience ......they have to live with that , not you !!!!!
Don't listen to the things they say......It's all crap...You can sleep well at night with a free conscience.
My Mum was my best friend and i was hers......
She said this to me when she was in hospital.." I know that you are sad about losing me.....but I am losing ALL of you........" ..............This broke my heart even more....
Some of us are helpers and would never consider it a chore .......some of us can't be bothered....
You know which one you are.......
Sorry i rambled on for so long ....you touched a nerve in me....