Cervical Cancer

March Friday the 13th 2009... Was her last breath... I didn't know it would be so hard on me... Me and my mother didn't have a great relationship... she did drugs all my life and up to a week before she died... When I saw her laying there lifeless I bout passed out... I didn't know what to do or think... I feel like I didn't do enough for her while she was here... I'm missing her hugs, where it felt like she didn't want to let me go... I miss her being so proud of me... but then I think of all the mean selfish things she done also... I wish it didn't have to be... I wish I could have her back... and we could start over... but I know I cant... I don't have a mother to hold... to talk to... to be at my wedding or see my future kids... It hurts me soooo bad in a place I don't want to exist... I just want the pain to stop...

I ♥ U...

MsJuicyBoo MsJuicyBoo
22-25, F
5 Responses Mar 17, 2009

Yes I do know it will get better with time... and with the small amount of time that has pasted... I do fell some what better... and you can take all the time you need to response back to me... I enjoy it... venting always helps... even tho its been 5 years... sometimes you still got things you need to get out... God has been very very good to me... I know he has been there for me in this hard time even tho I havent been there for him very much... I thank him...

I didnt lose my mother to cancer, but the pain is all the same. to realize the person who raised you and made sacrifice after sacrifice for you is gone...... The pain never truly goes away....its just something thats there and has to be faced. but what hurts the most is that i never got to say goodbye.... to tell her i love her one last time. to hear her voice one last time. to hear her call me son one last time. thats the pain that hurts me the most. great, here i am crying when i should be trying to make you feel better. just because shes not here, doesnt mean she isnt with you. the pain will get a little easier with time. friends and family will help. you just have to take one day at a time, and face each one head on. youll never stop missing her, thats a fact. my mom was an alcoholic and prescription drug abuser, and i was on the recieving end of her binges more than once. she left me behind when i was twelve. granted it was to go be with her husband in pennsylvania(and i love my step-daddy very much by the way), but still.... But even with all that, ide give anything in the world to see her one last time, so yeah, i kinda know how you feel. but it will get better with time. trust me. its been 5 years for me. sorry this took so long. guess i just needed to vent. just keep your eyes on god and hell give you all the strength you need.

:) only a Keyboard away... I like that... Thanks

Prayers and hugs sent your way.<br />
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My heartfelt condolence to you and your family for the passing of your mom.<br />
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Now she is watching over you.<br />
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Find the comfort in knowing that you did all you could do to help her. Keep telling yourself that, weather you believe it or not. It is true !!<br />
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I am sure she is very proud of you even though she wasn't there for you. She had her own cross to carry. <br />
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Now she is at peace and in no more pain. <br />
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Time is the best healer.<br />
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God Bless You and your family.<br />
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If you ever need to talk I am only a key board away. :-)

It doesnt really hurt right now im fine... but I know in time I will begin to feel it...