My Mother Is Gone!!!!!!!

My mom was my rock. We had a bumpy past she was an alcoholic. She left me with my grandmother and grandfather. She was there along the way in 1986 when i was 6 years old she went into recovery. The road was bumpy she relapsed a few times. But she was like my best friend along the way. She turned her life around and became a case manager for a metal health organization. She found ovarian cancer 2X's during hear life. and she won. On July 27Th 2008 she began her final cancer battle. She was diagnosed with non hodg. lymophmia. We did chemo natural treatments and anything the doctor told us to do. I was determined she would make it past this one too. We were in the hospital after every chemo session. It was so tough on her. on Feb 2 2009 she was told that unless she would begin chemo 10X's worse she had 6months to 3years to live. We pondered and prayed to god  on this and had decided to begin chemo again. two days after my 27Th birthday On mar 5 2009 I lost her. She fell into a deep sleep and dies 12 hrs later. My poor granny found her. I was at school i dropped everything and ran to be by their side. She was gone and i didn't get to say goodbye. I a married fortunately but it kills me to know she will never she me graduate college later this year and my children will never now my hero my mother. At her funeral several people stood up to speak. I knew my mother was amazing but the stories i was told made me admire and miss her even more than i had ever dreamed. I am the type of person that is strong till i am by myself and then i break. For that reason i have been trying to keep myself around people because i am too afraid to let my self deal. I know thorough god he will help me but it sure doesn't make me fear the pain any less. I have lost my world and have a gaping hole in my life and in my heart that i don't know how to repair. I guess only;y time will help but let me push fast forward please 

jamiedawn012162 jamiedawn012162
26-30
5 Responses Mar 19, 2009

Hi, <BR><BR>My name is Erika and I am 20 years old. I lost my mother almost a month ago to breast cancer which spread to her liver, bone and brain. It was a sudden diagnosis, she died about one month after going into the hospital. I have a younger sister who is 15. I am your normal college student and my sister is a normal high schooler. I am in collegiate athletics and a scholar athlete, my sister is being recruited right now for softball. My parents are divorced and we mostly lived with my mom who was only 5 minutes from my dad. The reason I tell you this is because we used to be your average family. My sister and I were just figuring out who we were and as cliche as it sounds, we never thought this would happen to us. My sister and I have been talking a lot recently about how this devistating loss has put a lot in perspective for us.<BR><BR>I feel the only reason I can post on this site (this is kind of out of the ordinary for me) today is because there are some things my mom told me before she passed that I think would be helpful to everyone. I have not been without my mother for as long as everyone else has but I can relate to everyone's hurt and sorrow. I never thought I would have to write a eulogy for my mother until I was old and gray. Unfortunately, that time came too soon. My sister and I are very young and I know we have a lot more life to live and it has to be without my mother. My mother was a nurse was cancer children and has survived cancer as a child, she was the strongest woman I knew. She was so worried about us before she passed and wanted to make sure we would be able to function without her to talk to everyday and without her support and many 'I love you's' She told me so many things that I think about every moment that make me feel close to her.<BR><BR>My mother was not religious however she was very spiritual and inspirational. She told me while she was at the hospice that her favorite quote is "In life there are no bad experiences, only lessons learned" I feel like as hard as this situation is for me and I know for everyone else, we need to just make a lesson learned out of it. Everyone can take what they want from that, but I have learned to love and cherish everyone I have in my life still and to never take advantage of anything I'm lucky and blessed to have. For example, this experience has made my sister and I grow so much more close to my dad, and it's only been a month. My mother also told me that she believes "Living in a human form is just a chance for you to learn lessons and then your final destination really is heaven, where we are now is only a pit stop" That makes me feel more at ease when I think about it because she gets to experience things now she never has before in heaven and this is the one time she really gets to be with my sister and I every moment of our lives, on earth she was limited to that. She gave my sister and I a song that we could play and think of her and feel close to her, it was "Let it Be" by the Beatles. The lyrics are perfect, I hope everyone will give the song and chance and take a listen, it is an amazing song.<BR><BR>I am truly sorry for everyone who has lost a parent, especially a mother. I am by no means 'okay' at this point in my grieving but I know I will make it and positivity is the only way. Your mind is a powerful thing and in order to honor your mother's memory and carry out her legacy is to live and act in all of the great ways she taught you to. <BR><BR>It is okay to be sad but we all must keep living. Our mother's gave us life so we could live it. And I know all of your parents are looking down on you now wanting you to just be happy no matter what you do. So please, stay happy and keep living

Thank you for sharing your story. It will get easier. Staying around people you love and friends will certainly help. Don't be afraid to let your feelings out once and a while, but try to remember the good things, the happy times. I feel sad every time I think about all the wonderful things people said about my mom at her funeral as well. I wish I had known her that well to know so many people loved her when she was alive. <br />
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You will never stop missing her, but the grief WILL get better. My mom died in 2001 and I miss her all the time.

Hugs and empathy to you and your loved ones. Lost my mom in '02 and my dad last year -- neither to cancer, but it tears me up missing them. Cherish your loved ones each and every moment! and make sure they know it. This life has no guarantees and it can pull the rug out from under you just when you think it's boring or dull. My best to you, and believe me, you are stronger than you think and you WILL get through this. I know I am, every day, one step at a time.

I read your story and am so sorry to hear about your mom, I lost my mom due to cancer also in Jan. 2007 so if you ever need to talk please fell free to e-mail. I know how you feel.

Thanks for sharing your wonderful story. On Feb. 24, 2009 I lost my mom to multi organ failure (liver, heart, kidneys). She was only 64 yrs old. I, like you always felt my mom was special but when I came to the funeral home the first time for the visitation I was amazed at the amount of people and flowers. I knew she had alot of friends but never imagined the amount until I saw the chapel full and people standing outside. She was my rock, she knew all my secrets and loved me in spite of them. I have felt the opposite as you during my grief, I dont like to be around alot of people, I dont return calls, I havent talked to anyone much..which isnt like me at all. I am so sorry for your loss but we are both strong women and we will persevere! Hang in there and email me anytime, I am always here if you need a shoulder or an ear :)