My Mom, Joyce...............

Thankyou for sharing your story ! Yes, I lost my Mom, not to cancer though, but a similar Hospital operation that didn't work, 6 yrs ago now.

As a only child, lost my Dad when I was 16, but Mom was always a pillar of strength, love, guidance & devotion to me.  I rebelled at 19, married the first man who proposed, against her wish's, 10 yrs later, she bailed me out.   I then married within a year, to the next proposal, again against my Mom's advise.  And 15 yrs later, she bailed me out....never once either time, did she ever say 'I told you so!'.......but she was always there.  Even in those bad marriages, I talked to her as you did your Mom, every day, even when we were separated in distance.  She always made time for me, always understood, never critizing, just loving me.

The last (2nd) bad marrage, my health paid a price.  After a month in the hospital, where she came every day, regardless of the distance, they wouldn't release me to my (now Ex) husband, only to her, and thankfully she helped me escape from him, Jan/00.

Suddenly I was single, and able to get back to work, and settled within 30 min drive to Mom's...........and we had the best 3 yrs ever.  

I'd known all my life, that Mom had problems digesting/swallowing food.  She wasn't a complainer though, so, it wasn't until spring/03 she happily announced to me, that surgery she'd been waiting for, was possible.  I wanted to be there for her, took some days off work, and happily she went in.   Well, I didn't know that survival rate was only 50%.  She'd had other surgery previous, and not told me, when I was living on the mainland, unhappily married.  She'd needed repair of a hiatus hernia & then a new stomach lining.  Well, the first 2 surgery's didn't work properly and Mom's health slowly became worse, although, she never spoke of this to me, and her mood was always happy & bubbly !

After this 3rd surgery, I was allowed to wait by her side until she came out of being put under, and she was her normal self, just a bit whoosy....  Then in a matter of 2 days, she became extremely unwell, with severe pain, and it was then discovered evidence of a large right pleural effusion (basically the wrap they'd put in had burst).   While I was there, with her eldest sister & best friend, the Surgeon told Mom, that they could go in again to repair the damage, but it would only prolong her life, for maybe 6 months, but she could not leave the hospital.

I truly believe that my own heart stopped, when I realized I was going to lose my bestest-friend in my entire life ! 

Her reply to this information was, and I'll never ever forget it............Mom said straight away 'Nope, I've had enough, it's time for me to go !' 

My God-Uncle & Aunt, who'd actually planned a baby-shower the day Dad brought Mom home with me from the hospital, called their eldest son, Head of Surgery here at our hospital for help.  He came to Mom's side, and said in a loud clear voice "Auntie Joyce, ARE YOU SURE ?  Are you absolutely sure, you don't want them to try and fix this ?  Are you positive Auntie Joyce ?"  Again my dear Mom said 'No, I've had enough, I want to go !'   It was about 7 days & nights that her sister & friend stayed with me in her room.  Then in the morning she'd quietly handed me her wedding ring, which she'd never ever taken off all those years, and a lavender stone on a gold chain necklace (which has another story to it)........  And she was just gone, in a couple of hours !   

I honestly felt numb.  Like I wasn't really there.  As if I wasn't really walking on land, but in a cloud !  Oh...........  Yes, I know how deep the pain is..............  It was so long ago, and yet, seems just like it was yesterday !

And the necklace that she'd wore 30 yrs, since I'd received it  in the mail, from a young boy I'd met at our Summer Christian Teen Camp & given to her.....she'd never taken it off.  Never wore the 14K gold locket that my Dad had given her the year he had died.  And when I'd complained to her the month before, of a extremely handsome customer at work, who'd asked me out twice, what had she said ?  'Why don't you ask HIM out?'  Well another story, as I did about 4 months after Mom's burial.  We went out for dinner & slowly shared our lives with each other.  And here he was, the boy I'd only ever met & seen at summer camp, who'd sent me that Lavender stone on a gold chain necklace.

We married April 17th, 2004, and that night he had his first health attack !   I carefully & lovingly cared for him, as he slowly went down hill, joining my dear Mom & Dad in Glory, April 14th, 2007.   I truly never needed her as much as I did then & still now.........

This has been a very unplanned sharing of my Mom's story, as I've been busy for the last 15 months, helping others, also in grief and despair, on losing their mates.  But I pray that my words will help anyone who's also lost their Mom's.

One thing that I've clung too, in these nine precious years with each of them, my Mom & my hubby, is what Mom taught me as a little child, before age 6 when Dad had his first heart attack, that I want to share in closing, and that is this...........  Christ, the son of the living God, will never ever leave you, nor, forsake you, no matter what. 

I live each day as it may be my last, devoted to helping others, through our Lords guiding hands.  Remember, that He Himself said: 'I give them eternal life & they shall never perish;  No one, can ****** them out of My hand.  My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all;  No one, can ****** them out of My Father's hand, and the Father & I, are one !'  (John 10: 28-30) 

God Bless you.

/sjg

 

 

sheilajoyce sheilajoyce
51-55, F
Mar 28, 2009