Post

I Lost My Mom to Multiple Myeloma Cancer.

Even though it has been a whole year (May 29th) since my Mom has died it has not lessened the hurt.  My Mom was diagnosed in July, 2007 with Multiple Myeloma cancer and died within 10 months.  I miss my Mom terribly and time doesn't heal all wounds it only accentuates all she is missing.  My kids are still young, (10, 5, & 3) so it is especially painful that she is not here to witness their young lives.  My father still has her message on his answering machine and that's hard to hear but he can't erase it, can he?  I never thought I would bury my Mother when I was just 36 years old.  Somehow I thought I would be much older than that.  My fear is my kids will forget her since they are so young so I try to talk about her to them to keep her memory alive.  Multiple Myeloma is a terrible disease that destroys lives, (literally).  I am interested in connecting with people who are dealing with this deadly disease or have lost family members from it.

jenkzampino jenkzampino 36-40 41 Responses Jun 5, 2009

Your Response

Cancel

I lost my mom to Multiple Myeloma in 2008. She was diagnosed with it on Mother's Day of 2008 and died July of 2008. I was 28 when she passed away. I always thought that she would be there when/if I have children. I am sad to here that my younger nieces and nephews do not really remember her. My family always talks about her. Multiple Myeloma is a scary disease. My suggestion to family members is too just be there with your loved one. Enjoy each and every moment

I am 28 with a 3 year old and twin 2 year olds and my mum 46 year old mum has just been diagnosed with MM don't know what stage yet as she has been in intensive care with breathing related problems :( .... I had NEVER heard about MM before there doesn't seem to be much awareness about it

I didn't think I was going to lose my mom when I was so young either. She died of cancer when I was 12. I didn't have a good relationship with her either. My sister was her favorite but it always felt like my mom hated me. She had abused me a lot and even got close to killing me a few times. It was terrible because I just watched her dying slowly over 8 months. She got down to about 80 pounds and practically looked like a skeleton when she died. She also became so weak that she couldn't walk or talk. I hate to say it but I never really realized that I even cared about her at all until she was sick. She would tell me that she wished she could give me everything, or at least happiness but that she was useless, she couldn't even walk or talk so she might as well just die. I always hated it when she said stuff like that. I do wish that I still had her around now, but I'm glad I at least had her for 12 years. I never stopped missing her but it hurts less now, stay strong!

My mother was diagnosed with mm in 2007, and i struggled to overcome that she had cancer. I went to every appointment and treatment with her so that she did not feel like she was on her own. She passed away july 2013 and left a big hole in my life... I am missing her everyday... I cant stop crying.. I have a wife and kids but still think about my mum.. I look back at the grear memories via photos but that makes me even more sadened.. I dont know how to move forward.. My mum was everything to me.. Bestest friend in the world

It is very conforting to see all the people here who, throughout the years, have been dealing with the same thing. I had never hear about this type of cancer before. My mother was diagnosed with mm last January, at only 55 years old. . Although she is doing quite good, the chemo worked well for her and she is now recovering from her first autograft. I am 24, much too young to loose my mother. I try to focus about the fact that we had 24 healthy and beautiful years together and that no cancer nor death can take this away from us, but the thought that she may never know my future kids haunts me everyday.

abxair9; Hope your mom is doing better. My advise go with her to ALL her appointments and make all the questions you want. I went with my dad to all of his and is the only way I felt in control and that I could help him, and now that is what gives me a little pace.May God give you strength

jenkzampino
I lost my dad to mm 20 months ago, of those only the last 2 I feel a little like myself again, he survived for 4 years of the treatments that were so hard on him, finally I realized that his parting was a blessing to him from God because he is suffering no more, and probably I couldn't stand to see him declining all the way to the end he was 69 years old and had just finished the 1st. round of quimo again and it was unexpected and so so hard for me, may you find comfort in God.

I lost her. I lost my mom on April 30th 2012, a day after she turned 60. I commented on here two years ago and I was in tears when I read my post. She was under hospice care at her house for the last week. I'm not the same, never will be. I went from someone who was genuinely happy to someone who puts on a fake smile so no one knows the pain inside. I have lost my everything and time will not heal or help me deal with her loss. Saying I miss her doesn't do what I REALLY feel justice.

Hello I lost my mom to Multiple Myeloma in August and I am 35 years old with a newborn. I am so saddened by the loss of my mother and do confused. I have been wanting to connect with someone who has been through this Roth their own mother. I hope we can talk soon and I am very sorry for the loss of your mother and I am praying for you and your family.

Sincerely,
Leanne
Bellevue, WA

My mother has mm also am forty and I dont know what to do if I loose her.. She is in Arkansas, am in Missouri.. Am sorry you lost your mother really I am. I hate this disease and what it has done to my mother. She call and wanted all her children to come home, the doctors said there is nothing thats working any more, so how do you prepare for the the lost a mother. Her body is no longer producing white blood cells what do this mean, she has lesions, am hurting in heart even as I write. Thank you for sharing the life of your mother with me. Take care and may God bles you.

My mom was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma last October. She has been on 5 cycles of chemo and it doesn't seem to be working. She is trying very hard to stay strong, bit the chemo and the disease are taking a toll on her body. I do not know what to do. Everyone says to just be there for her, but it is so difficult when you feel like there is nothing that you can do to make her physically feel better. I am just praying that the chemo and the bone marrow transplant work and that she has many more years here with us. I am 26 and unmarried and I always pictured a future where she would be at my wedding, help me raise my children. This came out of the blue for me. Both my grandmothers are still alive and in thier mid to late 80s. Who would have thought that my mom wouldn't be around for at least that long?

Hi Caspica - I feel like you and I are around the same age with the same shock and fears from this disease. I'm looking for someone to talk to a little about MM. I see you wrote this last year, so I hope things are going well with you and your mom. Please reach out to me if you'd like.

Hi Sarah,

I just saw that you wrote this. My mom is doing much better. When I wrote that post it was in the worst part of her treatment when there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. If you want to talk, I would be more than happy to share my experience with you.

Iv just lost my mum to Multiple Myeloma cancer on 29/10/2011, it was the most difficult thing i have ever gone through and i miss her so much. i am only 30 and my mum was only 52, i also have two young children 3 and 6 who were very close to my mum and are asking a lot of questions about nan and were is she. i am finding it very difficult to talk to them as i just break down in front of them.

My dad is around but has took it really hard and i also have a younger sister who is 16, my mum was are rock she kept us all in check and made sure we were all ok i feel now as if i will have to take that responsibility i just hope i can rise to the challenge

grazreynolds; when you lost your mom, I had already lost my dad to mm in 21/10/2011, and for 18 months I don't know how I survived, I cried like I never did before, my life won't ever be the same again. I learned not to care about petty things only about what matters to me my hart is broken. I have 2 sons that i have to raise, a husband. and I have to go on. You too you have more work to do than me. No one will forget her just do a good work with your family, specially your sister that is so young and needs your mom so much to your kids tell them with words they can understand and get your dad involved in the work he is your strength now and he needs the challenge. May you find strength in God, if possible go to a church service or bible study you may find answers to your questions there. God Bless you

I lost my father when I was 36 and my kids were young and I lost my mother to ovarian cancer a year ago and I and they miss her terribly and as I have no siblings and they have no other grandparents, my boys were very close to her. I am still very, very sad and there are days that I cry all day and just cannot get myself together. My boys are grown now and do not live in the same city with me so I am really all alone.

I am so sorry for your loss but ENJOY your children NOW as you will turn around one day and they will be grown and perhaps gone.

First up, jenkzampino I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and providing so many others a forum to share..

My story - gosh where to start.. My beautiful mum was diagnosed two years and one month ago, aged 65.. We have since ridden the roller coaster ride that is living with MM. Treatment, success, protein levels creeping back, meds no longer effective... Over and over and over.. Mum had the bone marrow transplant, it gave her three months reprieve, during which she was fiercely unwell.. We have now been told she has used all of her conventional treatment options and her situation is grim. I've been through all of the stages that we all must - fear and panic, searching the net for answers and hope, the why me's, the anger and despair. For those of you that are newly diagnosed and looking for answers - I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is no set set of circumstances. MM is still very much an unknown, some people can truly live for years and years and be OK. Others are a lot less fortunate. Ask lots of questions and make the most of everyday. For those of you that have lost a love one or are on the bumpy road of the MM experience, I'm so very sorry, I feel your pain.. Love to all.. xox

i found that the hardest part of the whole proses was the not knowing. they seem to know very little about MM

First up, jenkzampino I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and providing so many others a forum to share..

My story - gosh where to start.. My beautiful mum was diagnosed two years and one month ago, aged 65.. We have since ridden the roller coaster ride that is living with MM. Treatment, success, protein levels creeping back, meds no longer effective... Over and over and over.. Mum had the bone marrow transplant, it gave her three months reprieve, during which she was fiercely unwell.. We have now been told she has used all of her conventional treatment options and her situation is grim. I've been through all of the stages that we all must - fear and panic, searching the net for answers and hope, the why me's, the anger and despair. For those of you that are newly diagnosed and looking for answers - I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is no set set of circumstances. MM is still very much an unknown, some people can truly live for years and years and be OK. Others are a lot less fortunate. Ask lots of questions and make the most of everyday. For those of you that have lost a love one or are on the bumpy road of the MM experience, I'm so very sorry, I feel your pain.. Love to all.. xox

My Mother was diagnosed with MM in May of 2011 at the age or 74 a few months before her next birthday. She was experiencing back pain and pain in her ribs and was finding it close to impossible to move. She couldn't sit up of lie down. She just couldn't get comfortable. One morning she woke up and said she was in so much pain she could hardly breath so she got herself into a cab and to an ER. That's when all the testing started and they found a tumor on her spine. Bone marrow was taken and biopsy done and we were told she had MM. I still don't know what stage as neither my mother or father will talk about it to us in those terms. She has started radiation and will recieve 12 treatments then begin medication. I don't know what medication because that has not been offered either. It's very hard for me not knowing everything about my mother's health condition. I already have anger, grief and sadness over the fact that my mother is sick and suffering but now I'm faced with the frustration of now knowing everything I should know about her disease. I've spent day and night reading about MM since her dianosis but I don't know how to prepare myself and my children not knowing what stage is MM is at and what the plan is for her.

My Mother was diagnosed with MM in May of 2011 at the age or 74 a few months before her next birthday. She was experiencing back pain and pain in her ribs and was finding it close to impossible to move. She couldn't sit up of lie down. She just couldn't get comfortable. One morning she woke up and said she was in so much pain she could hardly breath so she got herself into a cab and to an ER. That's when all the testing started and they found a tumor on her spine. Bone marrow was taken and biopsy done and we were told she had MM. I still don't know what stage as neither my mother or father will talk about it to us in those terms. She has started radiation and will recieve 12 treatments then begin medication. I don't know what medication because that has not been offered either. It's very hard for me not knowing everything about my mother's health condition. I already have anger, grief and sadness over the fact that my mother is sick and suffering but now I'm faced with the frustration of now knowing everything I should know about her disease. I've spent day and night reading about MM since her dianosis but I don't know how to prepare myself and my children not knowing what stage is MM is at and what the plan is for her.

I hope people are still reading these. My sister was diagnosed with this disease just yesterday. She's 34 years old. We are waiting on the bone marrow biopsy and also a biopsy of a "baseball size" tumor they found on her spine to find out what stage she's in. My family and I are very much devasted & heart broken. I am hoping someone can shed some light on this disease and your opinions of my sister's prognosis and time. I know I'm asking for alot. I'm just lost right now. Thank you.

I'm so sorry to hear the loss of your mom... I feel your pain.. I just lost my mom to M.M. on Feb 2nd of this year... She battled this horrible disease for six years....I'm having a hard time dealing with her passing.... My heart goes out to you and your family... I understand what your going through...

Hello,

My Grandma is currently dying of Mulitple Myeloma...She was diagnosed in November of 2008. She went into remission 6 months later...After I researched that breast milk was lethal to cancer cells, I was nursing at the time, so I pumped for her every day and we slipped it into a milk shake every day. The remission lasted until last week. Now the doctor gives her 3-5 months to live. I am a mess over this because knowing what this type of cancer does I am dreading what she will suffer over these next few months. I don't know if she will suffer kidney failure or how this is all going to take her, but it's got me feeling hopeless, scared, and angry! No one deserves this, especially her.

Hello,

My Grandma is currently dying of Mulitple Myeloma...She was diagnosed in November of 2008. She went into remission 6 months later...After I researched that breast milk was lethal to cancer cells, I was nursing at the time, so I pumped for her every day and we slipped it into a milk shake every day. The remission lasted until last week. Now the doctor gives her 3-5 months to live. I am a mess over this because knowing what this type of cancer does I am dreading what she will suffer over these next few months. I don't know if she will suffer kidney failure or how this is all going to take her, but it's got me feeling hopeless, scared, and angry! No one deserves this, especially her.

i can relate with melmel. my mother fought MM for about 2 years. she was 69 when she passed. my family was fortunate to be in her bedroom when she left us. her second to last day was special. she was able to walk out on her patio, and see the sunshine. i still think about that day, seeing her fragile body with her big sunglasses on. i told her, lets go ma, lets go for a ride. she chuckled and said maybe later. well that night, she fell asleep and never woke up. she died when i was 37, but i am thankful for all those years we had together. MM is such a nasty disease. i hope and pray for all patients and families dealing with this. thanks for listening.

Hi, sorry to hear these sad stories of how people lost their parents to mm, well my story is my mom was 60 years old when diagnosed with mm, she finally started taking her first treatment of thalidimide back in 2009 at which time she was in remission a couple of months after for that year , she was doing really good only had carpal tunnel syndrome and a little aches and pains thereafter, in july 20 , 2010 i had taken the day off cause my mom was watching my children ages 8 and 9 cause they had no school, my 9 year old ran upstairs screaming saying grandma is crying and not talking, i immediately ran down stairs and said that she was having a stroke, i immediately called 9 11 and an ambulance was dispatched to my house momentarily, soon they got her to the hospital and it was confirmed she was having a mild stroke that gave her this shot (cant remember the name at this time) and the little paralysis she had were reversed and later that day she was doing fine, soon after that in about september her mm had come back and later was in a progression stage, she was given the 28 day cycle for revelimid at which time she didnt want to take cause she said it was making her feel sick felt like she was having, she said it tasted like she had poison she was eating, soon after that in the first week of september she was taking kids to school at which time she began to walk half way, then was only ablbe to walk a block at which time she was having shortness of breath ( now this was a 63 year old woman at this time that was very active , cleaning, doing yard work , etc) i brought her to her primary care doctor whom gave her prescriptions for medications and said that she sounds like she has acid reflux so called in a prescription for zantac, mom never took it but kept complaining about pain in her stomache are, i thought maybe she was confusing it for her diaghram, so i took her to emergency room on sept. 20, 2010 due to i noticed that her right foot was swollen, the emergency room immediatley took her in due to her blood pressure was 80/60 they thoutght she had a pulmanary embolism, they ran so many tests and to no avail everything was negaitive but on october 25th the doctor stated that she had chf and severe mitral valve regurgitation and needed her heart valve repaired, now her primary doctor that she had been seeing for 14 years that prescribed her zanax for acid reflux had transferred to another office but did refer her to another doctor who was suppose to be good, i immediatly told the doctor that she had a difficult paatient on her hands cause of all the issues she was just diagnosed with, now while she was in the hospital the lung specialist came in to see her and stated that she does not have asthma that she has c.o;p.d. but she was continued to give her medication for asthma while she was released from hospital she still had shortness of breath and could barely move around without tireing out, so she was referred to other doctors for treatment, i called the cardiologist whom had taken a t.e.e. test on her back in september and he explained that she did have low to moderate leaking in her valve but he was only brought in to figure out why she had a stroke and found it not to be necessary to inform us about the leaking valve cause it suppose to take at least a decade before it starts to get really bad, now she was put in the hospital again for swelling of the legs and shortness of breath, she was in there for about 1 week as to 2 weeks the first time she was admitted, no w this time the different team of doctors that were looking at her said the same thing they said that it was the multiple myeloma that was causing all this damage to her system, she was then taken to a cardiologist outside the hospital who had ran a serious of test on her and stated the same but said she definitely needed the surgery, but it would be to dangerous for her due to the mm, so he said she gainded to much weight in a week and her bloodpressure was still very low and she still had so much fluid in her that it was all the up her legs and thighs as well as her feet, he suggested she be admitted back into the hospital, he saw her one time at the hospital and said he would not be doing the surgery, she had a team of about 15 doctors that came to see her and ran test on her to try and find out the problem but when you have mm and congestive heart failure they present the same symptoms so its hard to know what to treat without neglecting the other , they kept her on lasix and put her on antibiotics which was causing her to now have diareah every day she was not eating they put her in i.c..u. and finally decided to do a sonogram on her lower extremeties her legs they found 2 blood clots which one traveled to her lungs they then immediately put her on cooumidan but took her off and installed a filter in her arm to break up the bloodclot as it was traveleing, now they put her on the medical floor at which time they said the bloodclot now traveled next to her heart and that they believed she had amlydodis was not confirmed but she had the classic symptoms , later that evening she was placed on a respirator at which time she had it remvoed and did not want it or any more test anymore since there could never be anything done, they had me speak to her about being placed into hospice that day, so she agreed with sorrow cause she really didnt understand what was going on i had to listen to the doctor and do my own research about theses disesases and come back to them and let them know, later that evening she was in hospice at about 5:00 and was starting to hellucinate i left at 8:30 and told her ill be back about midnite, i went home took medication and went to sleep and received a phone call at about #3:45 stating she had passed away at 1:30 am , i had immediately gone up there to see her for the last time and she died with a smile on her face , no more pain or dissapointments, just unexplained answeres of why this could happen to a healthy woman in a matter of 2 months.

I am so sorry for you and your kids.. My mom died on Christmas day 2005 of multiple myeloma . we had never even heard of it- she had about 2 years after diagnosis. She was such an awesome person and i still miss her every day. I also have 3 little kids who watched her slowly die. Last year in March my gramma, her mother, died of multiple myeloma I couldn't believe it happened again. I am so afraid that I am next in line. I don't know if it is genetic or enviromental. I am so sorry for all of you that had to live this nightmare.

I lost my beautiful mother to MM only 14 days ago. It came as a great shock because we were just going along trying all the treatments and were ever hopeful that the next one would work. My mum was only 66 years old and was not ready to go. She was so brave and strong, always telling me she wasn't going anywhere because she had things to do yet. I was my mum's main carer and she was my best friend. I cannot cope with the pain and hurt that is engulfing me, the realisation that I will never hug or kiss her or chat on the phone for probably the next 40 years at least if I live a normal life. I am 31 years old and single. I feel completely alone and so robbed of all the experiences I thought Mum would be here for. Most of all I cannot understand why this is happening to me. 9 days before I suddenly lost my little dog Scooby who was like a child to me and who I had had for 10 years. I am so paralysed with grief and so angry at the world, why have the two beings I love more than anything on Earth be taken from me. I am looking for people to talk to who understand what I am going through as I don't know how I will go on. Please email me at heliappenzeller@hotmail.com if you are able to write to me about things. I am not a religious person at all so please don't try to help me with religious ideas. Thank you

I am 53 and just learned last Thursday that my MM has returned. I have a wonderful husband, 5 children and 4 grandchildren. During the last 2 years, I have had two bone marrow transplants and multiple sessions of chemo - you all know the drill... I had really hoped that I would get more time. The most frustrating part is that 18 months of the two years I felt horrible. It is only the last 6 months that I have felt semi-normal again. But all that negative said, I have seen hundreds of miracles during this time. Family, friends, and neighbors have upheld me with their love and prayers. I have witnessed 2 new grand-babies born in the last 6 months. Because the permanent side effects have been so debilitating, I have decided not to do another transplant. I don't think my body could survive it. I am to start Velcade in a few days, and we will see how that goes. I know it is difficult, but we all have tunnel vision during this earth life. Heavenly Father sees the big picture, and loves us more than we can imagine. He knows what is best for us and our loved ones. Everything will work out for the best. We will be together again. I will miss my family on the other side as much as they miss me on this side. Think how much we have all learned through these experiences! Are we not more gentle, caring and loving people? If anyone needs help with their grieving, please don't hesitate to contact me. bringontheblueskies@gmail.com

I am very sorry to hear that you lost your mom. My mother was just diagnosed two weeks ago with multiple myeloma. She starts radiation and chemo next week. She is 63 years old and has already been through so much. In 2008 she contracted bacterial menengitis, and we almost lost her then. We nursed her back to health just to get hit with this bomb shell two weeks ago. Doctors kept telling her that she just had severe arthritis, until she rolled over in bed and broke her collar bone. She fractured her right elbow at the orthopedic by putting weight on it. The doctor then decided to x-ray the whole arm, and that is when he found the spots. We were told that her bones are like swiss cheese. She had surgery to repair the elbow, and they x-rayed her from head to toe. They found the spots in both arms, both legs, and her skull. They put rods in her legs, because she could break them just by standing up. We are trying to get her home now. She's miserable in the rehab facility, and that could cause us to lose her sooner. If you need to talk contact me on facebook at pbrown46@atlas.valenciacc.edu. All the best to you and your family.

I just lost my mom to myeloma two weeks ago. She was in her late 70's and a wonderful. incredible woman. She was only diagnosed a year ago, and the last 8 months were very tough on her. Eventually the chemo treatments were too draining and wore her out so much that (only a few weeks before she died) she decided to stop all treatments, and try to somewhat enjoy her last days here on earth. She fought so hard and was incredibly brave,however in recent months she just grew more weak, and then she passed away. I miss her so much, however I know she is in a better place now. I still can't believe she is no longer around. It's surreal. Here I am posting on a message forum about MM and only a year ago I had no idea what the disease even was. I'm sending good thoughts and prayers to everyone else who has posted above. Stay strong.

i'm sad and glad that i read these comments...my sister passed away sept 10, 2009...she was diagnosed with MM july 27, 2007 (i can still 'hear' her tell me on the phone....i went completely numb!)....she and her husband had been planning to move near us in sept of '07...all their plans were put on hold......but my sister did not give up...she followed the protocols in 'proper succession'...thalidomide, decadron...revelamid, decadron....velcade...and all the other combos....she took the chemo well but her numbers always jumped back up.....her MM was aggressive....but through it all, she persevered because she really wanted to LIVE!

she and her husband moved near by in sept '08 ( a year later) and i was able to see her often in that year....she was very happy with her team of doctors and the nurses at shands cancer center were wonderful...when it was finally determined that stem cell transplant was the best option, it was too late.....we found a donor but just couldn't get the numbers down.....the doctors had to pull out all the stops and they agreed to try a protocol that was showing some good results in studies but wasn't yet 'on the market' so to speak.....the neutropenic period was 14 days! when her wbc started coming up, she was allowed to go home..but that same night her fever spiked and she went to the hospital for the last time......she did not want to go....but my brotherinlaw was so worried and knew he couldn't do anything.....she had developed pneumonia and needed a respirator.....the one thing she never wanted was to be intubated....but we were told it was to help breathe NOT life support......we allowed it and at first things were improving but then she 'needed' it and had a cerebral hemorrage.....we knew it was time to let her go...and we did.......it was and still is the hardest moment of my entire life.........other than every day that i miss her and feel so sad that such a beautiful person was not able to live a full and happy, cancer free life....

i still can't believe how she fought so hard and rarely complained...she was a nurse and i am sure she knew exactly what was going on.....she never talked to me about leaving us....i think that was because we are such crybabies and she couldn't see the point in that......but the most important thing of all is that i did get to show her and tell her how much i loved her every single day from the july 27 onward.......and try to remember her telling me how much my support and love meant to her during struggle..........so, i guess i did something to help but it sure doesn't feel like enough.............i hope time will ease the sorrow....but i doubt it......maybe i'd just like to be able to live with it a little better.......

..

My mom was diagnosed with MM last year (June 2009) it has been over a year and it hurts. As a result of MM both her kidneys have failed so she is on dialysis. She has lost weight. They gave her a round of chemo in the beginning but she ended up in the hospital for a week with shingles as a result. She refused Zometa (to strengthen bones and prevent calcium loss) because she is afraid of the side effects. I am 9 months pregnant and I worry, worry, worry. I have a 9 year old daughter as well. MM has poisoned me as well because I just can't think of anything since I found out. My mom broke a rib from coughing last year. Just the other day she told me she had severe pain swelling on the other side by her ribs. She has a bad cough again and she tries not to cough because she is afraid she will break a rib again. I think she already has fractured a rib. How can you live or be happy when someone you love so much is in pain? I had a dream this morning, I kept calling my mom's home number, then my dad's cell, then my grandma and everyone I know...everyone told me on the phone that they didn't know where my mom was...when I woke up it hit me hard, one day I will call my mom or go to her house to see her and she won't be there...i can't get over it...i just can't.