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One Year Without My Best Friend

This is my first post to this site.  I was amazed to see the group off to the side on the second page I checked out.  Now my story.........

My mother fought with breast cancer for 13 years.  She hit a huge bump in the road in January of 2006.  She had another mass in her brain.  Well, she went to the "best" guy in the state to have her surgery, (this was her second).  Her surgery went great.  However, a few days afterwards, her incision started oozing nasty stuff and she went back to the Dr.  She had a staff infection.  She was in and out of hospitals for a couple of months.  That infection killed my mom.  She went downhill quite quickly and by July, she just said no more chemo.  I knew the day may come when she would want to stop.  I just hoped it never would.  I spent the two hardest days of my life in Hospice with my mom, my best friend, watching her die.  I would never EVER trade those two days, as I helped my dad a lot by being there.  As I laid on her stomach, holding her cold hand, she took in her last shallow breath...........

August 30th, of this year, was one year without my best friend.  Her and I used to talk on the phone at least once a day, but usually more like five or six.  I had no idea what I was going to do without that first in the morning talk over coffee.  Mind you, she was 145 miles from me, so it wasn't in person most of the time.  I miss her.  I miss her so much that I can't contain myself.  I just start sobbing over some stupid thing on tv that I just wish I could share with her.......but it just can't happen.  So, I tip my head up towards the ceiling and just tell her. I really hope she hears me.  I could swear she is here.  I can feel her.  My phone rings with no one on the other end.  Could that be her?  I sure hope so.

Thanks for listening to my condensed version of the most wonderful, strong and loving mother in the world.

extremstorm extremstorm 36-40, F 21 Responses Sep 14, 2007

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Thank you so much for sharing. I have the same feelings. I can not tell you how many times I picked up the phone to call my mom after she passed, then I sat there crying because I couldn't talk to her. I don't think that the empty feeling in my heart will ever go away, that is where she should be. ((((hugs)))) Thank you for sharing.

my problems seem so pitty compared to yours. i dont really know wat else to say. all i know is that she is always there, in your heart and i hope you happiness.

Losing someone too death does not make things "easier" as time goes by,things just getmore comfortable. to deal with,if this makes any sense? I lost my mom to ovarian cancer when I was18,and now coming up on 13yrs later,i have found comfort in her when she appears in my dreams. I HATE A LL CANCER!!!

sad....

sad....

i lost my loving mam last week,becoz of cancer. she bear so many pain.she didn't show us her pain and tears.now i can't believe god. from last two years i am asking him to save my mama's life.but he didn't do anything.it distory my mam part by part. she suffered sooo much. now i am going to be a mam. i miss my mam so much. when i remember her i can't help my self.my 03 brothers, sister,my dad and relations . everyone miss her, everyone cry for her.but now i am alone. Amma man oyata godakkkkkkkkkkkk adareiii.man jivath wena tak kal oya man gawa enna amma.

omg, I would die without my mum you poor thing.<br />
<br />
Hey any time you want to talk I am here babe. Message me I am life coach and love to help people through tricky stuff like this.<br />
<br />
One thing I think though in this sort of thing is one day at a time, time heals all and you may not get over it but will learn to live with the incident.<br />
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Take care and I hope that helps. I deal badly with death and lost a baby, miscarraige that hit me really hard not so long ago also so I can kind of understand you must be hurting although the emotional pain would be no where near as bad as yours. At least she is with god or not suffering anymore and not in pain.<br />
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how are you doing? Please add me as friend hun.

This story made me tear up. It reminds me so much of my 24-year old brother that passed away due to an aggressive cancer called Angiosarcoma. I agree with you on the fact that cancer is one of the worst things that can happen to anybody. All the emotional & physical pain, the suffering, the misery.... I wouldn't wish that on anybody. I just can't get over the pain of it all and move on. =(

My Mom died one day after yours did. (Aug 31, 2008) She fought a 5 year battle with ovarian cancer.<br />
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I am also lost without her. (We hadn't lived in the same city for years but spoke and visited often) I am the ultimate realist and she didn't become a saint because she died. She was a flawed Human Being, but I miss her so much.<br />
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BTW, it is common for middle aged women to "stop living for a year" when they lose their mothers.<br />
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You are not alone

Yes I very much agree with waht youre saying. I was 13yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer,and i hada preminition,or guess she might live til I was 18, im now 32 and think of her everyday. I wish I was closer with my mom,becasue it would be less painful of a loss. She was a good woman too,but like you said everyone is human and has flaws. I love when she comes to me in my dreams,unless its a nightmare of course,which has happened twice. thanks for sharing that reply.

Hi Darling I know how hard it is to loose you mom to cancer. I went thru the same thing in 1984. She was only 57 and I was 35 at the time. I am very glad that you were able to be with her as she died because I was not and I very often regret My wife and I going home in the early morning to look after the children and get them off to school then we were going to go back down to the hospital but as you might know it the hospital called when we were right in the middle of getting them ready to go and right in the middle of rush hour in the city. So when we got there she had already passed away. So even though she ie gone you were very lucky tpo be with her in her last moments. LOVE Samantha

I couldn't imagine losing my mother - it would tear me apart every single day, because like you I talk to her on the phone every single day. We're close as sisters.<br />
But you are strong because you have made it past this far. Keep it up. <br />
As for the way it happened that is messed up but the same thing happened with my grandmother. She had cancer and was being treated and suppousedly she was ALL better and guess what, she too got staff infection and she couldn't handle it - that infection killer her as well. So I know how that goes, and I am sorry for your loss.

Hi friends<br />
<br />
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<br />
Joseph<br />
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So many sad stories. My Mom is elderly and my best friend too. She has health problems and occasional trips to the hospital. I worry about the day I will lose her. I already lost my Dad.<br />
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This really brought tears to my eyes. My thoughts and heart are with you.

Hi, do you have experience with this?<br />
http://doyouneednuklirweaponforcancergrade4.blogspot.com/<br />
<br />
because I don’t have money for chemotherapy , and Surgery<br />
<br />
jasmin

I agree - my mom has been gone for 13 years, and those little things, little ways to celebrate her have been what helped me the most. <br />
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She's there when I decorate for Christmas (still using so many of her ornaments), there when I see daffodils in the spring, there when I sing, and yes, when I am cooking something she made. I look at the recipes I memorized a long time ago, because it brings her closer to see her handwriting on the pages. <br />
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You never get over, her, but I think I have decided I never want to.

What a wonderful story. You are blessed to have been able to know her as a woman, and not just as mom. <br />
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Since I love cooking, each time I make one of moms dishes, she is there with me. Celebrate your mothers life, and show those around you what she taught you, to help you be you.

I can relate to you and your relationship you had with you mom. My mom is now 83 and lives with hubby and me. She has always been my best friend and I can't imagine life without her. I couldn't have children so when Mom takes her final trip, I hope my husband will be able to step in though but hope isn't reality. We are so lucky to be in the minority of fabulous mom-daughter relationships.

That must be so hard, to lose one of your loved ones.. <br />
Your story was so beautiful it kinda touched me..

Thank you for shearing the story about your Mum... I decided to write about my Mum too and it was the first story I shared on the forums, ever... I loved her so much... I do cry even typing this message now. That was so unfair that we lost her! She was the best person I ever known in my life. How many people came to her funeral, how many flowers and tears... I don't know it is so hard to live knowing she will never call, never hold your hand and never says "don't worry, everything will be fine, sweetie..." I will always love you, Mum.

Yes, my mother was a wonderful woman. But, I do have to confess, I didn't find that out until I was 30 or so. After then, we became the best of friends. It's hard every day to be without her, although I don't cry quite as often and I do enjoy telling the great stories about her. When I remember a touching moment, I will always cry, no matter how much time has gone by. And, I'll also enjoy telling the great stories. Especially because my youngest daughter had just turned 2 when her grandma died. I talk about my mother all of the time. I know she is no longer suffering. It just gets me angrier with Cancer. Cancer is one of the most terrible things a person could go through.<br />
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Thanks for commenting. Telling others about my mother's courageous fight with cancer, keeps her alive in everyone she touches, albeit even through me.

what an inspiring woman your mother must have been, I feel awed just by reading this sad story. death is just a part of life, something we must all accept no matter how painful it is to let go. think of it that your mother is in a better, safer place now and she is no longer suffering.