I Miss Her So Much.

Most of you who keep up with me know my story.

I'm 19 years old and my mother was 56. Her birthday was September 1st, so she missed her 57th birthday by a week. She passed away on Sunday, August 23rd after a long battle with cancer.

The date August 23rd will always stick with me. I knew she would die on this day for a long time and for it to actually happen raised my faith. Before, I was atheist or a hopeful agnostic. I believed in science. I now believe that there is a higher power and that she IS in a better place with her deceased loved ones. She's in heaven.

I believe that's why I got that sign two years ago in the first place; to give me that warning of her impending death and to give me hope that she is safe and in good hands. Either that or it could have been a coincidence, but I highly doubt it. There's too many days in the months and too many months in the year for it to be a coincidence. (Note: Read my story in "I Believe in Signs")

I watched her die. I saw her take her last breath. I was there for it all and through it all. There's nothing I haven't seen in my 19 years of life. I have watched my dear mother pass away right before my eyes. She was the only person who ever really mattered to me. I need her. Life isn't the same without her.

She's not in pain anymore and that makes me feel safe. I know she is always with me and that makes me feel safe, too.

There's some moments where I completely lose all composure. These are just random moments in the day when I burst in sadness and tears.


RIP Mom. I'll see you again someday.

flyawayhome flyawayhome
22-25, F
7 Responses Aug 29, 2009

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel because I lost mine too. And like you, I was there at the end.

The pain can be overwhelming. Have faith in God as he is the ultimate hope for us all. This is what carries me through to this day. Take care...

God bless you sweet girl! You shine brightly from the Light of the Lord! With your experiences you are now able to help others around you who go through tough times such as the loss of a dear loved one, someone so close to you. You helped me. Now you can keep sharing your story about the love you have inside of you, the grieving you've gone thru and how you've gotten thru it to help others. I truly believe you are one of those that God chooses to work thru to help others thru your experiences.

Lost my father to cancer. Don't worry it gets better with time...maybe a lot of time...but eventually. Sorry to hear.

I so know what you mean! Im 20 and i lost my mom in February... The only difference is that I dont feel safe. I still cry and feel alone. I miss her and the feeling is so intense its hard to survive!

I'm so sorry for your loss, thenightgirl, the sense of which is beautifully expressed by an obviously loving daughter. <br />
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Thank you for the positivity and sense of hope you showed at the end of your story, and for sharing your loving feelings with strangers.<br />
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You have sensitivity and insight and the ability to convey your thoughts concisely -exactly the requirements of a good writer. I will certainly seek out more of your stories.

There will be days when you will feel her presence so strong you know she is by your side. I bet there will be days when you will look in your mirror and see her looking back at you.... cuz she is and always will be by your side... guiding you, loving you, supporting you and nudging you along your journey. She is your guardian angel and she will never leave your side.<br />
Hugs Honey bunny!!!

You will see her again Nightgirl. I'm glad you have found your faith and that it is bringing you comfort. <br />
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I'm not going to tell you how to feel, but there will be days when thoughts of her bring a smile to your face. <br />
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I pray you continue to receive comfort.