It's Only Been 10 Months

My mother lost her fight to cancer almost ten months ago, but not a day goes by I don't think of her, and at least tear up. She was originally diagnosed when I was a sophomore in high school, right after my father was diagnosed with cancer too. Needless to say being a 16 year old and taking all of this on was a lot to handle, but my mother never once let me worry about her. She always said, "I'm fine, what's going on with you?" The next two years she went through chemotherapy, had a mastectomy and it looked as if the cancer was gone, we were thrilled. A week after my high school graduation the doctors found a tumor in her brain, the cancer had snuck itself into her lymph nodes and made a mass in her brain. We were all shocked and saddened, because we knew this was a possibility, but she was doing so well we thought she'd have a chance. I was hesitant to go off to school, but she told me if i didn't go that she'd be really upset that I was stopping my life for her. I only went to school 100 miles away, so I was always able to travel home when I needed. Two years later she began having seizures and fits that would send her into the hospital for days, and weeks at a time. While I was home on winter break my second year of college I could see mom wasn't going to hold on much longer. I transferred my classes to the local college in order to stay home and be with mom. We brought in a hospital bed and everything she needed so she could pass on at home, and make life easier for her. We hired a private nurse to take care of her while my sister and I were at school, but everyday I'd climb into the bed with mom and snuggle with her just to make it feel like I was a child again. I know it made her feel comfortable and it helped ease my pain. I won't forget the day she passed. She had held on as long as she could. I made a promise to her that I'd keep the family going just like she would, and that I'd finish out school and make her proud. To this day I have the worst nightmares and I can go days without sleeping just to avoid it. My school work is the only thing that keeps me going most of the time because I don't want to let her down. I'm working to get a degree in biomedical science and go on to pharmacy school so i can do research and to try and find some hope for people suffering with cancer. Some days are hard to keep my head up, but I swear she's with me every step of the way.

lostbutnothopeless lostbutnothopeless
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 10, 2010

Your story is such an inspiration, but made me violently sob at the same time. <br />
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You sound so strong and level headed. I'm sure your Mum would be so proud. <br />
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My Mum is currently fighting her battle against breast cancer, which has spread to her lungs and spine. I hope one day I'm strong enough to talk her through her last days. I just can't even imagine that right now though. One day at a time.