My Mom's Suicide

My whole life my mom had depression and was in and out of the hospital. It was essentially normal for me, having to go into her room with tea and toast and telling her not to cry. But she had borderline personality disorder, which I didn't learn until after her death-she was able to hide it that well, she cared about my siblings and I that much. It must have gotten to a certain unbearable point, when in 7th grade my mom had recently gotten out of the hospital. It was a Monday at school and I knew that it was my mom's turn to pick my sister and I up from school-my parents were divorced. When we got a note that our dad was going to pick us up, I knew that something was wrong somehow. While I waited after school for my dad, I cried and cried because I just knew. I don't know if she was saying goodbye to me, or if I just have good instincts- I like to believe it was the first, or at least both. So eventually our dad came, and outside with the counselor he said in a sad voice "Your mother passed away." I didn't cry, I didn't even feel sadness, I was in a state of shock. Sadly, I was slightly relieved. My mother had always caused me along with herself, sadness and I was relieved she was finally happy. The process of mourning came later, and the worst time was when I was a junior in high school. I was depressed and felt worthless, but got through it and am now a happy person. She overdosed on pills, and my brother found her dead

I really would like there to be more research in this country for mental illness. It is so much less understood than many physical disabilities, but can be even more debilitating. Better treatment and/or cures would be wonderful.
daisychains1 daisychains1
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 4, 2010

Thanks :)