Suicidal Since I Was 5 Years Old

My mother married my dad after they found out that she was pregnant with me. They soon divorced when i was around 5 years old. About a month after their divorce, my moms dad pasted away suddenly with a heart attack. He was a truck driver at the time, and was in Flagstaff AZ when it happened. She never saw him again....I really dont think she has ever grieved over his death to this day.
I was 15 years old the first time i found out about my mother's suicide attempts. She is married to my step dad by now, and since i was 5 she had been trying to kill herself, my family always kept me from it so i never knew about her. The doctors diagnosed her with Bi-Polar disorder. Since the age of 15 to now 19, my mom has tried to kill herself 6 times, all with over dosing on pills.

One time she attempted to take hand fulls of pills in front of me, out of pure instinct i accidently punched her in the mouth while trying to scoop the pills out. I was on top of her pinning her down trying to keep her from hurting her self. Called 911 on top of her. I will never for get that moment.... never.

She would tell me come die with me, we can die together and be happy. Just take some pills with me.
More recently, she almost succeeded in doing herself in; my step dad found her down stairs when he came home from work at 3 am. She was on the floor, and her heart was barely beating. She has overdosed again and had drool all over herself. She was comatose.
We lifted her up to sit up and she would not wake up, right away we noticed her lips were purple.

I ran out side to call 911, praying that she was not dead.
I believe God saved her from death that night.

My mom has not succeeded in killing herself.
&& i am terribly sorry to the people who have lost their mother.

this is my story...
krysrein krysrein
Dec 15, 2012