I Will Never Know.

I lost my mother way back in 1962. She took an Overdose of medication given to her by the doctors. As she was suffering from Depression . She left several notes. I was just 18 at the time. My mother and father was apart from each other. I have always thought that my father was a lot to blame. She Also had someone else in her life. Who six months later took his life. I never wanted to read any notes I don't know why, maybe I was frightened to know the truth. As I have gone through life I have always thought of my mom. I don't think a day has gone by when I don't think of her. I have a family of my own. They are a loving family, but they know of my hang up. They tell me that I am very scared. Which I agree, every time they have any kind of problem my mind starts thinking please don't let them get down too much I would hate to loose any of them in the same way. As I am getting older it has started to haunt me more. I have recently tried to find out about the notes. I would like to know what was in them. I was told they would be at the coroners court. I got in touch with them. Their response was that they would have probably distroyed them after all this time. That has hurt me so much. I know it has been 50years since this happened. But I am getting older and I thought I would like to know before I die. I find myself getting anxious about it all now. My life although my Family are happy they know I am not a happy person. Happy because I am now a proud grandmother also a proud mother. But a very unhappy Wife.
Johnailis Johnailis
66-70
Jan 7, 2013