Stolen From Me

Sigh-- Where to begin.... My mother at the tender age of 55 was stolen from me on Dec. 17, 2010... I hardly talk about it because the pain & heartache I feel is bad enough but to even mention her name hurts & I feel like I can't breathe... So I dont no why I can talk about it with you ppl. Maybe because I dont know you & you dont know me but I feel like I should share because this woman was truly something special :'')

My mothers name was Gloria, & I am truly a spitting imagine of her :) she was out going, loved life, patient, kind, helped others, but most of all she was a great mother! She always spoke with my brother & I about everything, & I always was very open & honest with her :) when I got married she thought I was to young, but was happy, I have to admit I was, & was my shoulder when I got divorced.... Then when I got pregnant with my son thats when she lit up :) my mother loved being a grandma spoiled him rotten...lol she was always their for me thick & thin it didnt matter. She was my best friend! :) we were the only women in the family so we had a bond like no other! Even had "Mother, Daughter Days" :). Then that all changed one day.. My mother had diabetes, she could never keep her levels steady her blood sugar was always to high or to low. Anyways, she tripped & fell one day breaking her hip easy enough fix right? Wrong, when you have diabetes it takes you longer to heal & you pretty much seem like youre sick ALL the time... So in the hospital she developed a bed sore that wouldnt heal, they had to do surgery, well then she developed a blood clot in her they gave her to many blood thinners, had to give her transfusions, she was in bed alot so she developed another bed sore, thus one was pretty bad... & all this stuff happened through a course of a year.... So we took her out if that hospital put her in another she had surgery, but had kidney failure was in ICU for awhile now had to be on dialysis.. We put her in a Nursing home because we couldnt stay home to take care of her... She was their for a year... Her bed sore not healing... She wanted to go home so my dad was going to retire... I was working nights so I was their with her during the day... It was great, hard because on the days the inhome care nurse wasnt their I had to bathe her, take her to the restroom, she was in a wheelchair at this time... She had a VAC that was hooked to her bed sore, I dont know really what it was supposed to do but it didnt help... It got infected & she had do undergo another surgery she didnt want to but she did, everything went fine 2 days later she went for dialysis & an hr into it passed away.... Words can not begin to describe the shock & emptyness I felt when my father called me... I had just gotten to work..it was like on the movies... I screamed no, dropped my phone & fell to my knees just sobbing no one could get me to say what was wrong till finally I yell "No, No, No, shes gone, she cant be" my dad came & pickedme up I couldnt move breathe, think... I stayed in her closet for hours knees to my chest yelling at her & God that she promised she wouldnt go until she knew my son & I were taken care of... Yelled at God because he took the one person from me who knew me inside & out, saying I was only 24 & needed my mother still..... We cremated her & buried her in our hometown..... Now here I am @ 26 her two year anniversary coming up & I still feel how I did the day she died, only now I dont wake up crying.. I think about her daily & miss her constently... I see my friends with their mothers & its a punch in the stomach... I feel lost without her.. My dad & I talk but its not the same were not as close,my brother & I dont talk anymore bcuz hes dealing with his own issues so I dont really have anyone, but I hide behind my smile & get through the day because I have to & because my son needs me, but I hate the holidays especially Xmas, if it wasnt for my son I wouldnt do it... Nothing about Dec is good its just a count down & constent reminder of the day she died! So during the months of Nov & Dec. Im like a zombie I get really depressed & want to go out all the time so I can numb the pain... Its a good thing I have my son cuz if I didnt I probably would be an alcoholic mess! I appreciate you all letting me share my story, know you are not alone & when I say I know how you feel I really do! Much love to all of you who are in my boat! & im here for you to vent, cry whatever because I need it too :))) <3 <3
Nikita8687 Nikita8687
26-30, F
4 Responses Sep 10, 2012

I went through almost the exact same thing at age 24. I held my mother's hand and tried to explain that we were turning off the machines b/c we loved her... it's been 12 years and it hurts as much today as it did that day. While I can talk about her and sometimes the events surrounding her passing, a vice grips my heart and I still feel the physical pain from the loss and agony. Now that the holidays are once again approaching, I've found myself withdrawing and getting very emotional about the smallest things... it's a yearly cycle. My only wisdom comes from this: time. Time will shrink the hole you feel in your heart, it will diminish the pain and make the memories stronger each time you think of all the good things. I know it's a bit cliche, but it is the truth. I just try to live each day and make her proud - that is the best way to honor her legacy. Hang in there... you are NOT alone.

Thank you so much :( its very hard! Her anniversay is in 11 days, &amp; I feel like I can't breathe &amp; im definitley withdrawn &amp; "in" my self... Its nice to hear someone not say it gets easier

So sorry for your loss as well, and i know how that goes lost a couple family members to diabetes,

I'm so sorry for the loss you felt:(

i feel for you.....i really do and you know that<br />
you know if you need me ...i will be there for you<br />
words cannot express how i feel at this moment...........