I Lost My Mother But I Didn't Lose My Faith.

For 4 years I have been trying to find ways to keep her alive. When she 1st died, I kept telling myself that I will see her again. God promised this to me... didn't he? If we live right, we will make it to heaven and I will see her again. Well that kept me going for a few months. I made it through the first 9 months because I was positive that I will see her again. Then one day in September it hit me, 9 months has gone by and I still wasn't reunited with my mother. Oh no... I realized she was gone... gone and not coming back. I try to look at myself as a replica of her. I am made of her, from her womb, from her blood, I am a part of her... therefore she lives on. But sometimes that doesn't keep me contained. I have thought about getting a tattoo, but I knew if she was still alive she wouldn't want that. I don't think people understand. People don't know how it feels to lose the one person who loved you the most on this earth, who would do anything for you, who understood you. A mothers love. I want her here with me. I am trying to do big things in my life and everyone always tells me that your mother would be so proud of you. I wish I could hear her say those words to me. One night, I prayed to God, 'Lord, please, let me just get a hug from my mother'. And in my dream she came and hugged me. That was one of the best dreams I ever had. And til this day I will have dreams where she is still alive. Sometimes, in the middle of my dream, I realize that she isn't suppose to be alive, and then my dreams turn into nightmares. One day, if God allows me, I want to be a good mother, just like her. I want to feel what she felt for me with my own kids. I am still looking forward to the day I can see her in paradise, as well as Jesus and my Father. It's hard. I know it is. But my mother died and four years later I am still standing. I am going to make it, and just know if you are going through the same thing, you will make it too. Keep the faith and trust in the Lord. I have hidden in his pavillion many times, and he has kept me at my lowest points in life. I use to tell God that I couldn't live without my mother. God showed me that I could, although its painful. It's really God I can't live without. Stay encouraged. Kept the faith. God is with you
SharonsDaughter SharonsDaughter
1 Response Jul 11, 2010

hi<br />
i m lucky frm bbsr.recently i also lost my mom.15th june 2010 .this day this date n this year i nvr forget in my life.now i nvr beleive in god.my was my life..now how i live i dont know.she promised me she nvr left me alone,but she left me.my all day all night i m thinking about her.its very painful.i know she will nvr forget me.she will miss me.i also want to touch my mom.i want to sleep in my mothers arm for always.i missing u a lot mom