She Left Us Too Early..

It is now the day after Thanksgiving and the first of many holidays to come that we will have with no parents. Today also marks 4 years that dad had been gone. Mom just left us 2 months and 6days ago. I am still in the selfish mode, I want them back. There is not a day goes by that something comes up and my first thought is I need to ask mom about that, then reality hits and I remember I cant just call her or go to her house. If she was sick she didnt let us know. I dont think she knew. I got the call that mom had collapsed at work and was in the ER. I really didnt feel it serious, I thought she would be ok, we would take her home. But as soon as I walked in and saw her eyes, I knew she was gone. Her eyes were empty and cloudy. They continued cpr but as much as I wanted to have hope, I knew there was none. As I stood there watching I was already planning on how I was going to take care of my 3 younger adult siblings. Who would be their rock? Who would be the peace maker and the voice of reason? Being the oldest I knew it was my job. But now 2 months later, I am in now way doing the job I feel I should be doing, I am really not good for much of anything lately except maybe angering my younger sister with everything I say. Although since moms passing she has become a prescription junkie. Ups, downs and not much between. Shes almost to much to handle. Last night I thought how easy it would be to just step out of life. Not like that, Im not gonna do something stupid, just step out of the drama. But seeing as how our family is insanely close, thats not an option...but it felt good for the moment.......
geminiluuv geminiluuv
36-40, F
8 Responses Nov 24, 2006

Your storey touched my heart. I feel your pain and I am in a similar situation with my family. I cannot offer you words of wisdom, as I am searching for some myself but you are not alone. Keep strong x

My mother has been gone since 1984, my dad since 2OO3. I know what you mean and I feel for you. But remember this - whether you believe in God or not, He has taken her to live with Him for a while until your own time comes. But don't make it early. I believe God has left me behind for a while until I do what is in store for me. He plans the same for you and your family.

just pray and God will make away for you all.

hang in there youll make it!

"This too shall pass."<br />
<br />
Hang in there. It'll get easier.

It was bad enough my mum dying but not both of them, i feel terrible and its 6 years so you must feel horrible. Sorry to hear of your loss, stay strong, it does get easier.

My condolences. Stay strong and deal with the rest with compassion and understanding.

My condolences. Stay strong and deal with the rest with compassion and understanding.