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Unfortunate Bath

My mama had epilepsy and drowned when she had a seizure in the bath. I wish she never would have taken that bath with no one else home. I guess I was home with my brothers and sister but I was too young to do anything, only 3. If only I could've noticed and called for help. She was also pregnant: my new sister due on my birthday a month later. When she died, I got split up from my bro and sis. I ultimately got adopted by a wonderful Mom, but the problems didn't end there...
...I've been avoiding pain since her death. I feel like I associated any pain with her death and so I try as hard as I can to avoid all pain. But his morning I realized there is no life without pain. And by avoiding pain I have been avoiding reality, which has contributed to my anxiety, depression, OCD, and psychosis.
So to truly honor my mama, I will be strong and face the struggles of life. May my success be in her memory!
gpowerm gpowerm 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 21, 2012

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That's the spirit *hug* I'm sorry about your mama, but know that you really aren't at fault. Keep strong and don't run away.