Freshman Year In College During Final Week

I am twenty six years old.  It has been a long road for me and I was hoping to find people in this chat that have shared the same experience I have.  There are not a lot of people that are my age going through the struggle of not having anyone close to you to support you through losing a mother.  I still grieve about it.  It was final week of college.  All of the dreams and aspirations I had built for myself had diminished within a week.  I had to stop my final schedule to rush to the hospital where Mom died from a blood disease that no one knew she had.  My Dad went through a massive mid-life crisis after it happened and remarried within six months.  He withdrew himself from the family and spent 270, 000 dollars within one year.  All of the money my mother had put aside for emergency and insurance gone in a year to the person who I felt deserved or needed it least.  Here I was in college... no support.. no car... no money... no home... raising my youngest brother who is now doing very well.  Who do you know experiences something like that?  I have felt so alone since it happened.  I have new issues that have arisen in my life as resolution to the whole event.  I am co-dependent, have a fear of abandonement, fear of entrapment, anxiety, depression... and the list goes on.  I am not on any medication because I think that I am strong enough to make it without it.  I have been through some therapy, but I think that the best way to solve these problems is to discuss my issues with people whom have relative ones.  So far, within eight years of it happening, I have not found one person to talk to.  I am reaching out to anyone who can listen and understand some of the issues I am experiencing.  Please if you have any suggestions... that are positive... let me know. 
entropyandjen entropyandjen
26-30, F
4 Responses Apr 18, 2007

Hi there<br />
I was looking on these pages to find a person who had experienced similar circumstances to me & Reading what you have experienced sounds like you feel the same sort of ways I do. My mum was 46 when she died ( it's the anniversary of her death today) it was 13years ago now- she died the same year as princess diana, I was just 18 & mum died the day after my sisters 16th birthday. We- my dad, sister & me were there for each other for the first 6 months or so then dad starting having an affair with a married friend of the family, he drank really heavily & started taking drugs & generally acting like a debauched single man. He met this woman who after less than a year said he was marrying & I didn't like her at all they sold our family home & have moved quite far away & have a little boy- basically dad has a whole new family & is quite old & wants an easy life so does what ever my self interested step mum wants & doesn't bother with my sister & I. My sister always chooses remote & beautiful parts of the world to live in so our contact is fairly infrequent- she's in new Zealand at the mo- I'm in England. I just have felt ever since dad started going nuts - very alone & that I'm not close to anyone & there's no where safe for me to go & just be. I'm 30 now & feel like I need to make more of my life but I often want to hide away & watch nature programmes & not have to talk to anyone, I also haven't had brilliant luck with men & feel this might have to do with loosing my dad pretty much too. It's just hard sometimes first loosing your mum which is devasting allround but then what happens to life after that & growing up without that love & support & guidence is hard I find. So you aren't alone. I'm afraid I don't have any answers unfortunately but if you would like to email it's good to talk to someone going through similar circumstances. XX

I also lost my mother suddenly, it was eleven years ago this may. I was only 13 when it happened. She died of a brain aneryusum suddenly in the hospital that she worked at as a nurse. This really changed me and I became very withdrawn and antisocial and began using drugs. I also have experienced that fear of abandonment, codependency and other issues that seem at least to come extent related to this. My Dad also quickly remarried to a woman that I do not really care for and I still don't get along with her. I can really relate to your story.

I have been through most of this, though not all at once as in your case. I was not in college, but I can relate to no money, car, support, etc., since that's the entire reason I had to leave college. As the second youngest of eleven, money for college wasn't an option.<br />
While the exact cause might not be something a therapist can relate to, the issues stemming from it are things that therapy CAN help with, along with the issues you seem to have with your father. While the issues may have made themselves known with your mother's death, it sounds like there might be things deeper than that.

I have not been through what you have but I just wanted to say what an amazing, couragious, and strong person you must be. I admire your strength and that you helped care for your younger brother. God Bless you honey. I hope someone else reading your story can relate to you and share their experience with you. My heart just goes out to you.