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My Sacrifice

As a child, your parents are everything to you. Anything without them in life is a struggle. The first day of kindergarten, for instance, I cried right after my dad let go of my hand.

When I was almost one year old, my dad kicked out my mom. I dont think of him in a bad way, he did what he had to. My mother was a drug addict, and smoker, and she loved to gamble. However each one cost money. For my mom it was hard to get a job, let alone keep it, she had a tendency to be late. My father had a very productive company, he was the boss at a wrecking yard and would bring home large amounts of money almost every day. The only problem was, it wasn't his money, his boss would have him hold onto it till he could get it. As you have probablyalready figured out, my mom stole money to go gamble. Little did she know it would cost her a lot more than she liked. My dad lost his job because of it, and she lost a life with my dad and me.

She still had visitation rights, but only when she was sober could she see me. This wasnt very often. I saw my mom maybe once or twice a month. And that was for two or three days at a time. These days were the best days of my life.

I lived with my dad and he moved on, got married and had another kid. I was two when my step mom married my dad, and four when they had my brother. To this day i despise my step mom and hardly tolerate my little brother, for reasons I won't get into because you'll be reading all day.

My mom came to pick me up every once in a while. She was my escape from home, yet when i was with her I never felt more like I was home. She made me the happiest anyone ever made me feel. We would go shopping together, eat at our favorite restaurant, rent movies, and she would always do my nails. Normal mother daughter stuff. Deep down though, somehow I knew she didnt have very long to live. She would always smoke cigarettes around me, and no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt get her to quit. Little did i know, it wasnt just cigarettes that would soon take her life.

Nevertheless I treated every moment with her as if it was the last. Everything she did, I noticed and i appreciated it. How she walked, what her voice sounded like, her laugh, what her likes and interests were, everything. Even as she slept, i sat up and watched her, listened to make sure she was still breathing (or snoring lol). When it came time to leave, I would cry. Everytime, no matter what age I was. I was absolutely terrified that I would never see her again.

School made it hard to see her as often as i liked. When summer finally came the only thing i looked forward to was seeing my mom. There was one summer that changed my life forever.

Freshman year in high school was a rough one , I went to a different school than all my previous friends so i was glad when the school year was finally over. June. When school got out and I could finally see my mom again. Or so i thought.

It was the 25th. I was sitting in my room playing a Nintendo ds without a care in the world. All of a sudden the phone rings. My step mom answers it and she said "oh hey big d" (my moms dad).
"ohh I'm soo sorry" were the next words that came out of her mouth.
They say premonition is a warning of some sort. My heart immediately dropped and i already knew it was my mom. The door slammed and my step mom went outside to find my dad. It could have been anything that happened. His horse could have died or something. It wasnt long before my step mom came into my room. I jumped up and confronted her. She had the most sickened look on her face. She kept saying that we needed to have a family meeting as she's standing in my doorway. I didnt want a "family meeting" i wanted to know wtf happened. I already knew what happened , I was just waiting for the words to come out of my parents mouths that would confirm it.... My dad walked in with tears in his eyes and thats when i knew. It hit me like a brick and I burst into tears. He said "your mom's dead" . Straight to the point like i wanted, but the most painful words that ever left anyone's mouth. I fell to the floor and screamed. The tears would not stop falling no matter who tried to console me.

I was ruined, hurt, depressed, and desperate for someone who could give me love like my mother did. But nothing is as strong as the love she gave me.

If you are wondering how ? ... She was in the mountains cleaning a cabin, and she didn't feel good. When she layed down to sleep it off , she never woke up. She had high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease and had a brain hemmorage.

My mom taught me a lot. She even got me into playing guitar. At her funeral I played my sacrafice by creed on guitar. It was our song and i never got the chance to play it for her, and I hoped that if i played at her funeral, she would hear it.

That's the story that changed my life forever, thank you for reading it.
partynbs partynbs 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 28, 2012

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I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you did feel happy and loved by her. When someone tells you, your mother is dead, that's not something you ever forget. I still remember every detail of when I found out about my mom. They always say nobody knows what pain it is to lose a child. But very few know what kind of pain it is to lose a parent when your young. I am sending you a great big hug. Your story was close to heart.

Your story really touched my heart so im sending you a smile:-) xx

Wow thank u (:

well i simply dont have words , you have been through a lot ! so instead >:D< a hug !