Lost Identity

I was 9 when my mum died, 6 years have passed since and the pain i once felt has calmed but it doesn't make me feel better and at times i hate my life. My mum didn't just die she betrayed me, and lied to me. She stole what trust i had and now am very weary of most people. I'm 16 in april and the thought of not having her makes me sick. I still have bad days now and am dreading it when i have children because they'll never know there grandma. I thought my life was the best and i never thought for a moment she'd die but she did and because of her i cannot be who i want to be
dollydimple dollydimple
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 7, 2007

rember your mother is a part of you and she will live on <br />
threw you and your children ,rember she will live on every day in your hearts. ive lost my dad its been almost 16 years and still there are days that i cant even look at his picture<br />
some days will be good and some days will be bad some days you will have peace . <br />

I kind raised my self .<br />
My mom was sick most of the time and my dad and I was not really closed untill my mom died and then still we won't .<br />
My mom and I did not get long.<br />
But you know I am here if you need to talk to some one.<br />
I have alot of ladys on here call me there mom .<br />
if you need some one to talk to .<br />
i am willing to listen to you.<br />
I know it is hard not to have a mother to talk to.<br />
I missed that when I was growing up.<br />
I have step mom her and I are cloer then my really mom.<br />
If you some one to talk to you come and talk.<br />
<br />
You are on my mind and wish you all the luck.<br />
<br />

I miss the fact that my kids will not know my mother either. But I find comfort in the fact that she would have loved every little inch of them. Like you I too hate my life at times and I feel like I have no to talk to that understands my agony. But I wake up everyday put on<br />
a smile and make people believe I am living a grand life.<br />
If I can not get someone to laugh at joke or laugh myself my days is shot. If tinkerbell only were real I would be a regular at Disneyland.

Its easy to be angry and hurt when a parent dies. But you have to fnd the good in it. You have to remember who she was and how she loved and enhanced your life just by knowing her!! I believe in everyting happens for a reason, some reasons we can not understand, but we need to take what we can from this and grow. I do not know what I would have done if I would have lost my mom at your age. I would have been lost too! Dont give up, grow and go on. Show her,that she gave you enough in the short time, that you are a good person, happy being and going to be a great mom! Share all your wonderful memorys with your children and one day they will get to meet the woman that made you who you are today! Stay strong and keep dreaming!!

I doubt your life is over, but I don't know your life. You have a lot of anger and to live a happy life you have to learn to forgive. I know it may be hard but, you need to try. Life is too short to be holding in hate and anger. Please at least try to forgive. Hope you feel better.