I Lost My Mum At A Confusing Time In My Life.

Just before i was 13 i was taken into care. A month later i was sat in a history lesson when my head of house came into class and asked me to leave lesson. I followed her to a room somewhere in the school. I remember it very well. I saw a box of tissues on the table in front of me so i knew something was wrong. She broke the news to me that my mother had died...........................................

I felt nothing, i felt numb, surreal, like i wasn't in my own body anymore. Her words melted into thin air and i couldnt speak or cry. And suddenly the tears came out and it hurt like no other pain i had ever experienced in my years of being abused at home. I couldnt stop the tears. My heart was in pain whilst this lady was telling me the worst news of my life, i felt angry with her, why should she be telling me and not someone that cared deeply about me. I didnt like my head of house and she just stared at me while i broke into sadness. I was on my own even though there was someone else in the room. For godsake my poor mother had left me. Why oh why?

I went home after and as we sat down to dinner, my foster sister asked if i was ok. She was the only one who seemed genuinly concerned. My foster mother(who was a very nasty woman and i hate her til this day) shouted at her and said course she's not ok, what do you think. I didnt want anyone shouting, all i wanted was peace and quiet at this hard time in my life and she shouted and spread negativity at the dinner table and could not believe her insensitivity.

I took the next day off school and was sat on my bed when the head of house came to visit me at home. She had bought a bundle of letters with her for me. They were from my classmates. I felt so touched. The woman said i could have as long as i wanted off school but i didnt want to, if i did, i would be spending the days with my foster mother who only would of made my life hell. And if i had too much time off school i would have been very behind with my school work and probably failed my end of school exams.

I went back to school the very next day. People looked shocked to see me back so soon. But i carried on and so did they. It was almost like nothing had happened.

Dear mum, i just want you to know i love you very much and i know that your in a safer place now. I want to visit you more often but its just too painful. Sometimes when i visit you i think you shouldnt be where you are but be here with me. I just wanted you to see me all these years later and how grown up i am now, i wanted you to see what i look like and to be my mother again. I love you xxx

bubblegum84 bubblegum84
26-30, F
5 Responses Oct 27, 2009


I haven't lost my parents, so I, in no way, can claim to be sympathetic, but what you wrote was so vulnerable and so beautifully moving that I have to say thank you for opening up and writing it. I will cherish how I felt reading it.

Hello my friend. I call you that because I know what you are going through. I lost both of my parents three weeks apart, just after my 14th birthday. I, too, ended up in foster care. My foster father was the worst in the worst way. I did have the support of a foster mom that would act as if nothing was wrong.<br />
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I, like you, did not have a support system. Life is hard for orphans, harder than it should be. I finally was able to return home after being removed from here 29 years ago. I visit the cemetary and have talks with the family and have a peace of mind that I never had before. The only problem is...I don't think that we ever forget or get past the loss. Not like most that grew up with their parents. <br />
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I miss my parents like I was still the young teen. I never had the chance to say goodbye to either of them. They both died suddenly. I guess you could say that we were kind of robbed of the opportunity for closure. The effects of which, on a young mind, seems to stall time for all time. The loss is never completely healed.<br />
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I wish you the best in life. I have gone on to live a virtuous life full of adventure yet free of alcohol and drugs. I have had a family of my own, my own company a college degree and other accomplishments but they are still part of the quest for closure. I have had my share of triumphs and failures, of love and loss and many other things. But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them. <br />
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And nowhere has ever really been "home" since then. I am sorry, I am rambling. I guess I am reaching to you since we are both from the same "mold". <br />
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I guess what I am trying to say is that we will see our parents again and they are watching over us, trying to guide us from afar. They always have been.<br />
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Hang in there. Keep moving forward. They will love us always, just as we love them. Just remember, they shape our lives even in death. Make them proud!

Hey hun, thank you for caring and listening. I am very sorry that you lost a such a close person in your life so young. When you lose someone that close it hurts so badly but you have to get on with life. A mother brings you into this world and is the ultimate bond and when that is taken away, its almost like a loss of identity.<br />
I know very little about my mum too, she was very ill with schrizophrenia which meant she also had problems communicating so i never really got to know her well, i just saw the ill side of her. She had a horrible time with her illness and my dad used to beat her. She drowned at a beach in the local area, i suspected it was suicide as i had been taken away from her and then a month later she was gone plus she had to live with my abusive father with no one to support her. Im in tears writing this. I hate the social services for taking me away and for offering my mother no support, she never deserved the life she got given, i have spoken to people who knew her and told me what a lovely women she was. I recently found out that she was well educated and some qualifications but thats all i know so far. I want to know more about her but it is very hard to find it in many places. Anyway im sorry for going on abit. Im sorry bad things happen to nice people but on that note, there is a future. Thanku and much love xx would love to talk to you again and if you evr want to, you know where i am.

Hi baby, Listen to me for a moment, I lost my mum when I was eighteen months old, and I have no memories off her what so ever, what i want 2 say 2 u is, treasure ur thoughts, she is looking from above, sometimes I feel blessed not having any memories of my mum, coz I dont know if I could go through what ur going through, please stay in touch with me, I am always here 4 u. God bless. xx