Just before i was 13 i was taken into care. A month later i was sat in a history lesson when my head of house came into class and asked me to leave lesson. I followed her to a room somewhere in the school. I remember it very well. I saw a box of tissues on the table in front of me so i knew something was wrong. She broke the news to me that my mother had died...........................................
I felt nothing, i felt numb, surreal, like i wasn't in my own body anymore. Her words melted into thin air and i couldnt speak or cry. And suddenly the tears came out and it hurt like no other pain i had ever experienced in my years of being abused at home. I couldnt stop the tears. My heart was in pain whilst this lady was telling me the worst news of my life, i felt angry with her, why should she be telling me and not someone that cared deeply about me. I didnt like my head of house and she just stared at me while i broke into sadness. I was on my own even though there was someone else in the room. For godsake my poor mother had left me. Why oh why?
I went home after and as we sat down to dinner, my foster sister asked if i was ok. She was the only one who seemed genuinly concerned. My foster mother(who was a very nasty woman and i hate her til this day) shouted at her and said course she's not ok, what do you think. I didnt want anyone shouting, all i wanted was peace and quiet at this hard time in my life and she shouted and spread negativity at the dinner table and could not believe her insensitivity.
I took the next day off school and was sat on my bed when the head of house came to visit me at home. She had bought a bundle of letters with her for me. They were from my classmates. I felt so touched. The woman said i could have as long as i wanted off school but i didnt want to, if i did, i would be spending the days with my foster mother who only would of made my life hell. And if i had too much time off school i would have been very behind with my school work and probably failed my end of school exams.
I went back to school the very next day. People looked shocked to see me back so soon. But i carried on and so did they. It was almost like nothing had happened.
Dear mum, i just want you to know i love you very much and i know that your in a safer place now. I want to visit you more often but its just too painful. Sometimes when i visit you i think you shouldnt be where you are but be here with me. I just wanted you to see me all these years later and how grown up i am now, i wanted you to see what i look like and to be my mother again. I love you xxx