I Wonder Where It Went

When I was in high school, I was very disciplined and motivated.  I was in marching band, chorus, and pretty much every musical activity you can imagine.  I also made really good grades and studied hard.  I wasn't in the top 10% or anything, but since I went to a private school with TONS of extremely smart people in my class, I hardly stood a chance.  If I went to a public school, I bet I would have been towards the top of the class.  I was in the top 25%...I think I was ranked #13.  Anyway, I always did my homework, and I was the best musician in lots of my musical ensembles.  I was really looking forward to college and a career too.

Then college came, and somehow all my motivation went down the drain.  I don't think it's just because it's hard.  I had lots of hard classes in high school, but I enjoyed the challenge.  Now, I really just don't care that much.  I just get by.  I only made one C on my report card in high school, and I almost always got honor roll.  Now I make B's and C's instead of A's and B's.  And like I said, it's not because it's so much harder.  I know I could do better.  I could actually read all the material for my literature class, but I don't, so I make D's on my tests.  In high school, I studied every day for a test that might be even two weeks ahead.  Now I study the night before and sometimes forget most of what I studied the next day.

I know part of the problem is that my mom was so...involved...in raising me.  She made me study and do my homework.  She was always encouraging, which I guess is a good thing, but she kind of overdid it.  She went as a chaperone to all our band and chorus trips and was in the Band Boosters and all that.  I really didn't have much of a choice...

But at the same time, I did enjoy all this.  I didn't study solely because my mom wanted me to.  I actually wanted to succeed.  I wouldn't go as far as saying I enjoyed studying, but I certainly thought it was worth the work.

I guess part of it is my lack of initiative.  I never have been good at initiating things.  Once I get started doing something, I almost always coninue until I finish.  I guess if I can't motivate myself to start working, I'm not going to continue because I haven't started...

Sometimes I think I might just be burnt out too.  I spent 12 years being an education maniac.  It was the most important thing to me.  I was a nerd.  Now I'm almost just kind of sick of school I guess.

But some of it just seems to have no reason.  I often just don't feel like doing anything.  I'm just unmotivated and lazy.  I just get complacent and don't really care...I don't know.

RopinTexan RopinTexan
22-25, M
8 Responses Mar 26, 2009

It could be a problem of motivation. College is the point where you decide what you want to do, for the first time classes you take in college will actually affect the job path you want. The same can't really be said of highshool- you can take all the bio classes you want in highschool but its the ones in college that lead to a degree and hopefully a career.<br />
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Find your motivation and by your motivation what do you want to study/be? Not what your parents, or friends say you should study-remember you will be the one going to work, living your life, not them. <br />
Block out everyone else until you find your motivation. You need a drive, you need something to keep pushing you or life will be crap. For myself nursing is my motivation, I look forward to class, to studying for the tests etc... because I want to be a nurse. If you can find that motivation, that career you want, I guarantee the drive will come back.

Well yeah, the having a major thing helps me be a little happier about school. Now I know I only have to basically take classes that I'll mostly enjoy (except possibly my required Bible classes). Anyway, thanks for the comment :-)

I understand, though I'm a better college student now then when I first started out, I'm still finding it hard to fully concentrate in my college classes. But I know I need to get done with school because I want to feel more like a grown-up for once. I too grew up with overinvolved parents, like what you said about your anger growing more towards your mom in college, my anger towards my parents grew too. Though now I'm trying to forgive them and not be too resenful. It's hard sometimes. But I think because I'm shy and I have protective parents, it did get to the point during college where I didn't want to care about anything anymore. <br />
Hope school is getting better for you though, and things with your mom. Saw your status, that's cool you're now a psychology major!

How do you plan on getting this motivation?

Right now I'm struggling to get motivated to study so I can better myself and be more competitive in the job market. Recently I failed a licensing exam that is very important to me. Time is passing and I'm slowing getting motivated again. I have allot of issues with my place of employment but to actually get motivated I need to forget my failures and distractions at work. I could resolve my issues but I have too much hatred for my boss and work place.<br />
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I hope you can resolve your issues with your mother. You're in a critical time of your life right now where your decisions determine how your life is going to be like in the future. So take this as a warning or just blow it off.<br />
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Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Randy Miller

I see what you're saying...I think it was like that in the beginning...my mom was basically the most important person in my life. But in high school, once she started controlling other aspects of my life (not letting me get my driver's license, choosing my friends for me, etc.), I grew a lot of anger towards her. I certainly didn't feel like pleasing her then, so I don't feel like pleasing her was the issue. Sometimes I could barely even feel like I loved her. Throughout college, that anger has grown. So maybe it's not so much trying to please her, as it is just trying to keep the peace with her so that she won't fuss at me all the time.

Ropin Texan<br />
I liked you life story there. Right now I have a lost of motivation but because of other reasons. You gave me a good lesson in raising kids thou.(I have two boys) That constant involvement with your child's life isn't always the best. Like scheduling their activities for them instead of them wanting to do what they want to make themselfs happy. My wife is always nagging on me that I don't give my kids constant attention. I'd rather show them how to do something then watch. I think you never had motivation. You were just pleasing the person you love and just wanted to make her happy. Now you have to figure out what you want to do with your life. Thanks for you post.

I see...I guess it's kinda like because you CAN be lazy now, you ARE. I guess that's kinda what it's like for me. Don't make the mistake I'm still making and slack through college if you can...