Its been almost a year since i lost my mum to cancer and i miss her so much. I was only a few years old when my mum was first diagnosed with primary cervical cancer and as i was only a few years old i have no recollection of this. She had radiotherapy which worked a wonder and she was then cancer free untill i was 7 and she was diagnosed with primary breast cancer and underwent surgery to remove the lump and also went under chemotherapy to eradicate the cancer and this i remember clearly although i didn't really understand what was going on other than mummy is being made better in hospital. The treatment worked yet again and my mum was cancer free for 7 years untill november 2011 when she was diagnosed with terminal secondary liver cancer and some small cancer tumors on her lungs. I was only 14 at the time and was beginning my GCSEs. My mum underwent chemotherapy but it was too harsh on her body and so she was placed on a milder form of chemotherapy which was working and had fewer side effects however it wasn't strong enough to keep the cancer at bay as she then had a seizure in the night and was found on the floor at 7 am by my dad who had just gotten in from his night shift at work. My mum was then taken to hospital in an ambulance where a scan revealed the cancer had spread to her brain and there was a lot of swelling and her chances of recovering from the seizure were slim but drugs took effect and she kept on battling untill she began to get weak and attacked by multiple infections and so she was in and out of hospital and then she was better for a while untill the new chemo again was messing with her blood levels and so she was never given the full course of chemo. Anyway the cancer grew stronger and my mum grew weaker. The cancer had spread to her bones and spine now too and she could only eat a limited variety of food as most food would make her sick. She was then back in hospital for a couple of months and was then in a hospice for 2 days before passing away peacefully. This happened only last September when i was 16 and just starting my As levels. It still hurts that shes gone but im also glad shes no longer in pain. RIP mum x
smem smem
13-15, F
3 Responses Aug 15, 2014

I can understand how you are feeling, Cancer is a horrible disease. I lost my mum to cancer (Lukaemia) 12 years ago, it was horrible. She went from being happy and independent to at the end wired up to machines in a hospital. She had chemotheraphy and it seemed to have helped for a while. She was let out of hospital at christmas 2002 to spend it with us and she seemed to be doing fine. In January 2003 she went back in and from there went down hill. She died on 18th March 2003. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of her and miss her. One of the worst things is that I wasn't there at the end. That I didn't get to tell her I loved her one last time. I hope you don't mind me writing all this but I feel that I needed to get it off my chest.

of course i dont mind x i know exactly what you mean and its the reason i have turned to experience project to get things off my chest and just try and ease the pain a bit. thats the one thing i regret the most is not being there in my mums final hours to just tell her one last time that i love her. thanks for replying too as its nice knowing that there are people out there who have gone through a similar thing and that in itself is a bit of a comfort because you know its not just you that it has happened too.

I lost my father to cancer and this may sounds weird, but I'm glad I didn't understand everything that was going with him at the time. I was only 8 years old and the whole time he was diagnosed I assumed he would get better because that's what he told me, but he lost the battle to cancer and I was heartbroken. The reason why I say I'm glad I didn't understand what was going on was because I never got nervous about what was going to happen to him. I never experienced real anxiety while he was going through chemo and I didn't have to worry about anything. The only time I understood what was going on was when he sat me down and told me he was going to die. You seemed to be involved with every step of her fight against cancer and I can only imagine how tough that must have been. The pain is unbearable at times and sadly it's always going to be there in some form, but it becomes more and more manageable until you are actually about to recall the things you enjoyed about that person. You can smile and talk about them and experience some joy when reflecting on them instead of just feeling pain. It will get better and I'm sure she was a lucky woman to have you as a daughter. Talking about the experience is painful, but very helpful in the long run. It allows you to understand yourself and the situation much better. I was lucky to become part of a community called Camp Kesem so I met children my age going through the exact same thing. I hope you've reached out to others with the same experience and if you haven't I'm glad to talk to you about anything.

Thanks for your response means alot to know theres people out there who have been through a similar thing and although i havent done any activities to meet people in a similar situation i have found writing feelings and memories down does help ease the pain a lot. hopefully in a few years time i will have come to terms with her death a bit more and start looking back on the fun times with a smile rather than thinking of all the pain.

I also lost my mum to Cancer when I was 16 and I just want you to know that even though the pain is with me every day, and sometimes it feels unbearable, it does get better. I'm 25 now and I still find it extremely hard but I'm more able to talk about it now and think about it and I hope it gets better for you too!

Thanks for the kind words! much appreciated :) it does seem to be getting a bit easier but birthdays, christmas and anniversaries still prove to be very difficult

I know what you mean, my gran also passed away from cancer the day before my birthday in 2010. I still miss her so much as well and always think of her on my birthday. I am grateful however for being able to say goodbye to her properly.

I know what you mean, my gran also passed away from cancer the day before my birthday in 2010. I still miss her so much as well and always think of her on my birthday. I am grateful however for being able to say goodbye to her properly.