I Left My Religion Of Birth And Feel Completely Alone...

I've been sitting here for 10 minutes thinking how to write all I have to say...here goes.

I was born into a very traditional religious Pakistani family in the US. While both my parents were more secular and reasonable when they were younger, they gradually grew more and more religious as time went by. By the time me and my siblings were in middle school, they were pretty strict, and didn't trust people outside of their religious, racial group. I have a shy personality and because of my parents disapproval as well as my own insecurity, never really reached out and made non-Muslim friends.

All my friends were Muslim. I was proud of who I was. I actually looked down on non-Muslim people. (as I was taught to)

Then college came along, and I started thinking more and more about what Islam says. To make a long story short, I came to the realization that Islam's man made like all other religions. That changed everything. I (stupidly) tried to tell my family and friends about what bothered me about the Islamic faith, and they didn't take kindly to it. I was basically outcast. I lost all my friends. My family would talk to me and look at me like I didn't belong.

I realized I had two choices. Pretend to believe in Islam and be a hypocrite the rest of my life, thereby "belonging" with my family and the Muslim community, OR think for myself, live my own life, and find somewhere I fit in.

I've chosen the second option, but making new non-Muslim friends has been difficult, since I never allowed myself to have any. I don't feel comfortable around anyone anymore. It's like I don't belong anywhere. Though people compliment me on my good looks and personality, I just don't have the confidence or will anymore to go out and meet people. Emotional abuse from my family and people I thought were my friends has made it hard for me to trust people. Based on what I've read of other ex-Muslims, they have the same experience. You feel cut off from everyone.

How do I find a community where I can belong, and make friends? Since I'm out of school and work from home, I don't meet many new people, and when I do, don't have the confidence to reach out to them. I feel like I'll be alone my whole life.

sam661 sam661
2 Responses Jul 23, 2010

SORT of in the same boat as you, only I can't bring myself to say that I am not muslim. It has always been my identity. I tried so hard for 4-5 years to eliminate all the doubts, wondering how and why everyone around me I know has it so easy to just believe. I took islamic courses in school, it was beautiful, but still didn't resonate well with me. I am still having doubts over these doubts, and I still believe in One God, just not sure how I feel regarding religion. I cannot live my life in fear thinking I'm going to hell for eternity, its too much for me. In the end though, I still want to devote my life in finding the Truth, whatever it is..but isn't Truth subjective?

I just saw the site, it looks cool, I'll start out with atheist/humanist meetups and go from there<br />
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Thank You