I have been an admitted atheist for over 10 years, and prior to that, I didn't believe but wouldn't admit it. Up until about 1991, I used to "pray". To me prayer is really more hoping inside, or just talking to yourself trying to figure things out. I am 51 years old, and I really feel that the whole god thing is a bunch of fairy tales. Now, I am in a real confusing place though. My 16 year old son is in rehab, struggling with drug abuse and alot of family stuff. I found a very successful rehab that is christian ba
sed.I may have to move him to this one tomorrow due to financial reasons. My son was pretty much antheist too, or unsure of what to believe. He ended up in jail, and he said he has been praying because he has no one else to talk to. I'm fine with whatever he believes. I want to support him in any way, to help keep himself off of drugs. I had to meet with the pastor the other day. Talk about awkward. I found him to be very inteligent, which perplexes me when people are very smart, but then they believe in god. He asked me why we have had no spirituality in our family. I explained that I was not brought up with much religion, and that I have never felt anything, like I think people who believe must feel something that I don't feel. He looked at me as though he had never heard such a thing. He said my son needs to feel like he has a purpose for his life. I think he has more purpose than I do actually. He is very talented with his music. Me, on the other hand...I am not much good for anything. I love my kids, and I have always wanted to be a mom. But, I think my only purpose right now is for them. I wouldn't know how to embrace a god. My friend who believes, told me that I am looking at things in a humanistic way. What else do I know? I am a human. I believe in science. I wish I had a spiritual belief sometimes. Maybe it would make life a little more manageable? But my christian friend suffers even more than I do, or at least as much as I do. She was molested and raped as a young child, and she has lost many loved ones to death recently. Her husband cheated on her with men! She says god has gotten her through all this, but then more bad things keep happening to her. I do feel I am missing something inside. Happiness? I am very depressed, but then I am in a huge mess right now. In the middle of divorce, having an affair still with a married man (which is what helped me get out from under my husband),. my son is in rehab, my younger son is struggling. So of course I am depressed. I plan to try and embrace the religo classes for family of the drug addicted. If its too religious, then I probably will have to forget that. I guess we are all here for a short time on this earth. I suppose the point is to try and be happy while I'm here? I'm trying.