Hurt But Hoping

I feel like I've lost my way, I was so sure when I was younger if you just believed enough,had faith enough and trusted enough that God would take care of you. After my husband lost his good paying job while I was pregnant with our first child, due to his *********** addiction, I felt so alone we had wanted kids for years,and I was robbed of enjoying my pregnancy,he finally got another job (15,000 less per year) but insurance was so high,three months before we signed up for insurance,four months after giving birth I had emergency surgery no insurance ,bill was 23,000! why could'nt God have let the health crisis wait til we had insurance? all I've ever tried to do was be a good person.my husband has severe mental problems , he has been committed three times,I fear often one day he'll kill us all.My older son has just been diagnosed with autism, has chronic skin issues, chronic ear problems,and we have another son who is two,the sibling rivalry is getting to me .I actually want to die ,I feel no one around me understands the weight I bear on my shoulders,both my sister and sister in law have husbands that are dependable,neither of the gals have to work,and the one just moved into this gigantic new house I feel like God hates me I have no hope I resent my husband it's hard not to hate him for all he puts me through.Where are you God? do you even care? it says in the word he cares for the sparrows **** the sparrows!

 

mattandymommy mattandymommy
31-35, F
1 Response Apr 20, 2007

You cant blame god for your woes. You have free will. You married the man.