It's Not Something I'd Choose to Do

I was a Christian from the time I could decide to be one until... A month or two ago. I don't remember exactly. I don't really know what caused it. I was tired of my life, tired of being good. I still am. I don't know if I've changed much for the better. But it's hard to believe something that you don't, even if you want to. It would be a lot easier if I could believe that God cares. Even if he exists. I don't know that. I've never felt his presence, like Christians are supposed to. So what am I to do? I've begun to hate the Christians I'm around, because they're so... Christian. I've gone from devout to profoundly against, in a short period of time. I don't know what to think now. At best I'm agnostic, at worst, nihilistic. I think I fall somewhere near chaotic. Oh well. I don't like not having a religion. I don't know what to believe right now. Because of homeschooling for the greater part of my life (Dropping out of high school) I've never had friends outside of my church. The worst thing I did was confess to someone I thought I could trust that I had backslidden. "I won't tell anyone". They didn't tell -anyone-, they told -everyone-. Or at least my small group of friends. So I basically lost all of my friends because... well... you can't force yourself to believe something you don't. Not that friends are more important than eternal life, but... who knows. I can't find a religion that I believe in.
HateMe HateMe
18-21, M
11 Responses Aug 18, 2006

It has been almost five years since you posted this story, because your information is blocked it is difficult to determine what your current status is on this matter. If you are still seeking some help, you may consider starting back at the beginning and believe in God the Creator and believing you are a soul-- a unique creation. Have you considered reading books by John Holland?

Well, since you wrote this story lmost 4 years ago, i have to ask, are you a Christian yet? Surely after the liitle episode of turning away from God, He MUST have sent somebody to help you... whether you knew it or not... It seems as if what your friends did caused you not to believe anymore, is that what happend?? Remember, nobody's perfect, not EVeN Christians!! =) The only difference of being a Christian is that 1. you believe that Jesus is your Lord and Savior. And 2, We just try harder to be like Christ and do the right thing for Him and what he stands for... =)

I also have almost lost my faiith. I lot my job, my wife and my family. I went to the Churh for help, the head trustee told me to suck it up. I went almost 3 months without income and they would not even offer me a pack of crackers. Someone off the street would have recieved a bag of groceries. I realised I believed in GOD not the pastor. So When it is hard to believe what do you do? You believe. Jesus said it would not be easy. So the question is what do you believe in? I am not judging you, I am here for support. I personally have had my friends turn on me. What do you believe? If a GOD who shed his blood for you, gaved his life for you, if he does not understand where you are and your doubts, we all are in trouble. What do you believe? I am here, no condimination, no preconcieved ideas, no harsh rebuke. Just a friend who has been where you are, I believe in you.

peace be on you brother!<br />
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I just can imagine you suffereing or your situation because when you confess and other know it then there is no use of it..<br />
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as being Muslim we don't 've to confess infront of any human except in our Prayers to our God"Allah"<br />
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we repent and tries not to return to that evil<br />
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I hope you could find peace if you learn about some other religions.<br />
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I welcome you to try my faith i.e. believe in one God for everything.<br />
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be direct to God insist of finding indirect sources to reach God.<br />
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take care fi aman Allah<br />
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May Allah swt guides you towards right path<br />
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if you have any Question regarding my faith you are most welcomed to freely ask..

I'm curious as to what religon you are/were?<br />
Just wondering what beliefs you are losing.

And while you're at it, try none. It may be just the thing for you. Some find it the toughest faith to keep, but the one true faith.

well what religons have you tried, dont give up to soon,<br />
what if you regret it?<br />
we only have one chance in this life, try different faiths <br />
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from a friend

No, it's quite clear that you've simply become smarter and smarter. Congratulations.

Try not to confuse religion with a relationship. Christianity is based on a personal relationship with JESUS. As the saying goes if you were born in a garage does not mean you are a car!!!!

Jesus spent many years out there on his own before he came before the people to speak with him about his religion. It's all about a set of beliefs and he put these together while he was growing up. Jesus the Christ he may have been to many but he was a man for a long time before he became a speaker for the creator. Give yourself time to find that set of beliefs for yourself!<br />
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and maybe you dont need one... my family are all religious, and i was chrisend as a baby so i was always told i was a catholic.. even at 7 ther was no way i could belive it haha i couldnt understand how people could neleve this stuff.. the worlds a amazing creation that i dont think anyone knows how or why, we cant until we die.. i gues whats important is you, this is your life and you should be happy. itl be hard for you coz the situation your in but dont let that get you down, lifes a mystery and its a beutiful place if you want it to be, im a better person without beliving and following something i cant belive in, i just belive in life and what the secret may be when we do pass away :)