For the Better?

I was always a holy person I guess you could say..  I went to mass every Sunday.  I alter served every Sunday too.  And some weeks, I'd go to mass twice in a row because I'd play bells at one, and alter serve for the next.  But the entire time, I couldn't convince myself that God actually existed.  I didn't really even realized that I questioned my faith or anything, I was just so used to my way of life.

I began meeting people who were atheists.  Most of them impacted me in a strong way, but I don't want to go into specifics of each individual..   Only two really made me think: Clayton (WhatMakesYouThinkImNot) and my current boyfriend, Patrick.

Clayton was the first person I really talked about my religion with.. Gosh, this was so long ago, but the one thing he said that I've remembered for the last two years is "I know my life is the same whether I believe in God or not."  That one sentence has stuck with me ever since.

Now, as for Patrick, he's not only helped change my view of religion, but changed me completely.  (In a good way!) 


As for now, I'm not really sure what I believe.  I'm too afraid that i'll end up going to Hell, but would it really be better to say I believe in God only because I still would want to go to Heaven when I die?

oliveoil2007 oliveoil2007
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 15, 2009

The story and associated comments were all beautifully said.<br />


One of the problems of the church is that it has always had difficulty in responding to a new truth. Most people, including the majority of people sitting in the pews, know that much of Genesis is made up of myths. It is truly disheartening at times to encounter clergy who will hold steadfast to things that are obviously not true. At times I have tactfully suggested that these things are allegorical. After all Jesus himself used parables quite often. These people generally respond like I have touched a raw nerve and reveal a religious schema that is as flexible as concrete. Part of the mystery of the faith is believing in something that you can never be sure always has been. What we call God is beyond our understanding and the Bible is a tool for discernment rather than a textbook filled with facts. The best scholars in Christian seminaries will tell you that a lot of it is just plain wrong. This is a difficult path to take and is much easier to do outside of the church rather than in it. I still believe in the church and its mission but I think that the Pharisees have taken over much of it. I have met a few Bishops and didn't really like any of them. I believe that the church's mission is more in the tradition of Dorothy Day, Mother Teresa, Fr. Berrigan, the anti Slavery movement, the Civil Rights movement, Liberation Theology, and on and on. A lot of the most noble social reforms began in the churches. I see Christ as a radical who turned over tables and questioned authority rather than a bulwark of the status quo. I will not let certain people in the church make me feel I should not belong just because I believe in the church's mission but not Noah's Ark.

It just seems to me that the path to love and righteousness in this life (or any other, I guess) cannot be lined with coercion. <br />
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If there is a Hell, I am sure it is most unpleasant. Then again, it will be a loooonnnggg wait to get in since you have to stand behind all of the adherents of Judism and a LOT of people from India and China. I suppose bringing a book, and perhaps a few snacks, would be in order if one plans on going... <br />
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Well, continue to be brave in your quest to both understand and be understood. No deity worthy of our praise would turn away an earnest heart.