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The Devestating Loss of My 'baby' Sister...

I lost my baby sister to aggressive breast cancer in April of 2007.Her age was 51 years, 1 month and 1 day. I myself am a nearly 5 year BC survivor. I was diagnosed with a less aggressive form of BC 1 year before her. She was and is my best friend. I went with her to chemo etc. and was with her at the bitter, awful end. I am still traumatized and feel like I have post traumatic stress syndrome because of the experience. It has been a little over a year now and I still think of her almost constantly. I pray for her and for all of us remaining on this earth. I desperately want to believe that she and I will be together again some day. I still cry over her and how she had to suffer but I do not cry every day now (even though I could). I have recently started to talk to her in my mind and beg her, if she is able, to let me know that she is alright. I had a vivid dream about her in March of this year. One day before her birthday. She came to me in the dream in a white sort of garment, which when I hugged her, was extremely soft. She told me not to worry and that she was fine. It made me feel somewhat better at the time but now I wonder if it was just wishful thinking coming out in my dream. People say grief gets better with time but I don't really believe that. I am just as fragile, angry and emotional today as I was on the night she died in my arms. I actually am crying right now as I write this. I try to be strong and honor her memory but I truely don't believe I will ever get over this. I will never be the same as I was before her death and I look at life totally differently now. She was incredibly brave in the face of this despicable disease. When I hear people whining about all their petty and ridiculous problems it makes me sick and so angry, that I could throttle them. I actually told a friend of mine who came over complaining about his 'terrible' troubles, that 'you don't have any real troubles, if you don't have cancer!'. He was taken aback but had to agree. I try to carry on with life and I am a little better than I was the first year. All I can say, as advice, is everyone better be grateful for every day we wake up and are reasonably healthy.  And also to treasure our time here on earth and do what we really want to do and enjoy ourselves while we are here.

Death certainly puts things in perspective.  Don't be fooled and seduced into entering the rat race. And  don't be brainwashed by 'Madison Avenue' telling you what you 'need' to buy to make yourself happy and fulfilled. Treasure your family and invest in time spent with them and memories. Memories are all that matter in the long run. Not a "House and Garden TV' home or the flashiest car etc.  And don't be scrimping and saving and putting your life on hold for a so called 'retirement'. No one is guaranteed that they will even make retirement. Or anything for that matter.
Anyway, these are some of the things I have been experiencing and learning since I lost my best friend/little sister a little over one year ago. And nothing and no one can really help me at all. xo.

docblobbo docblobbo 51-55 5 Responses Jul 17, 2008

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Dear docblobbo, I was very sad when I read your account of what happened to you and your sister - I am very sorry that you had to go through this, however I am glad that your sister was fortunate enough to have someone as loving and strong as you holding her until the end. How awful would it be to die alone ! It is true that people do not realise how precious life really is - all they care about are stupid things that don't matter one iota. You only have to look at the news each day, to see how much suffering millions of people endure, and then you could go away and be eternally grateful that your life is so good in comparison. Time does not heal grief - you can spend your whole life grieving, to no avail. A wise person would say that it is not time that heals grief, but what a person *does* in the course of time, to facilitate their healing. Of course, grief and pain never really goes away, and it would be cruel to say it does, after experiencing the trauma of losing someone so precious to you. Emotional pain is so destructive when it is locked inside us, and on our own, it is very hard to make sense of what is happening to us as we go through the many stages of grief and anger. The ability to be able to share our burden with someone who is qualified to help, can at the very least, allow us to deal with our emotions so that they don't completely overwhelm us, and make us physically sick, which will add to our already terrible burden. I hope you find some peace and healing in your life - it makes me sad to think about your suffering. All the best to you, with love, Leonie x

You describe it so well. My friend just lost her sister to cancer this morning, and I have been crying off and on all day. You're right--after you lose someone you love, little annoyances and goals are so unimportant. The only thing of value are the people we have, and the love we share. Nothing can compensate for their loss.

I too lost my sister to cancer, She was 54 and I am 45, she had Leukemia and I was her stem cell donor for 2 transplants in less than 1 year. It has only been a little over 5 weeks but it feels like an eternity...... my sister was my best friend and I just feel so cheated. She was in MICU for the last 5 weeks of her life and it was absolutely the worst thing I have ever experienced. Our whole family was with her, it was so painful but we all wanted to be with her. We fought this disease for 18 long months and never gave up. It still feels like a bad nightmare and I am going to wake up and Kathy is going to be here. I know I have alot of hard days ahead of me and I don't think time will ever heal my pain....... I am so sorry for what you have gone through I know the pain you feel and pray for God to help us all......... What a blessiing and inspiration you must have been to your sister, Stay Strong

It's just the worst, isn't it? The worst thing we can experience in life, losing someone we love. It's like there's a hole in the world where they used to be. And grief takes so long. I don't think you'll ever "get over" your sister's death, but in time the sharpness of the pain will get less. And you eventually will not get ambushed by sorrow as often. You may find that after a while, you'll have comforting dreams about her, and in those dreams you may get a chance to experience her presence again. Dreams like that are such gifts. <br />
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You are so right. All the things we worry about in life mean nothing. It's people that give life value, not things. My heart and prayers are with you in your lonely journey.

Hi doch,i really love your sister guts!It must have been tough on her & for you also.It makes me sad that you have to go through what the big C can do to a person..I now think of myself lucky that even if i have problem it is not the big C..I wish you are totally healed & the cancer will not come back,i'll pray for that..For the sake of your loved ones too.....