The Devestating Loss of My 'baby' Sister...
I lost my baby sister to aggressive breast cancer in April of 2007.Her age was 51 years, 1 month and 1 day. I myself am a nearly 5 year BC survivor. I was diagnosed with a less aggressive form of BC 1 year before her. She was and is my best friend. I went with her to chemo etc. and was with her at the bitter, awful end. I am still traumatized and feel like I have post traumatic stress syndrome because of the experience. It has been a little over a year now and I still think of her almost constantly. I pray for her and for all of us remaining on this earth. I desperately want to believe that she and I will be together again some day. I still cry over her and how she had to suffer but I do not cry every day now (even though I could). I have recently started to talk to her in my mind and beg her, if she is able, to let me know that she is alright. I had a vivid dream about her in March of this year. One day before her birthday. She came to me in the dream in a white sort of garment, which when I hugged her, was extremely soft. She told me not to worry and that she was fine. It made me feel somewhat better at the time but now I wonder if it was just wishful thinking coming out in my dream. People say grief gets better with time but I don't really believe that. I am just as fragile, angry and emotional today as I was on the night she died in my arms. I actually am crying right now as I write this. I try to be strong and honor her memory but I truely don't believe I will ever get over this. I will never be the same as I was before her death and I look at life totally differently now. She was incredibly brave in the face of this despicable disease. When I hear people whining about all their petty and ridiculous problems it makes me sick and so angry, that I could throttle them. I actually told a friend of mine who came over complaining about his 'terrible' troubles, that 'you don't have any real troubles, if you don't have cancer!'. He was taken aback but had to agree. I try to carry on with life and I am a little better than I was the first year. All I can say, as advice, is everyone better be grateful for every day we wake up and are reasonably healthy. And also to treasure our time here on earth and do what we really want to do and enjoy ourselves while we are here.
Death certainly puts things in perspective. Don't be fooled and seduced into entering the rat race. And don't be brainwashed by 'Madison Avenue' telling you what you 'need' to buy to make yourself happy and fulfilled. Treasure your family and invest in time spent with them and memories. Memories are all that matter in the long run. Not a "House and Garden TV' home or the flashiest car etc. And don't be scrimping and saving and putting your life on hold for a so called 'retirement'. No one is guaranteed that they will even make retirement. Or anything for that matter.
Anyway, these are some of the things I have been experiencing and learning since I lost my best friend/little sister a little over one year ago. And nothing and no one can really help me at all. xo.