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Loss of a Sister

Back in November 2005 I lost my sister to cancer. I live a long, long away from her and I was not able to be there for her funeral. We spoke by telephone just a couple of weeks before she passed away. At the time that we spoke she was doing well. She spoke about having me and my family stay with her for a visit. We had started plans, but then on a Sunday afternoon as I was driving toward home I got a call from my brother to tell me that she was gone.

It still seems so strange to me that she isn't alive anymore. I traveled back to my home six months after she died to visit my mother and my brother and sister. It was good timing I think because I was able to reconnect with my family.

I went to my sister's home while I was back and it was difficult as I expected her to be there and she wasn't. As we pulled up to the driveway and got out of the car I hesitated and walked inside slowly, not fully realizing what was happening to me. I am still very sad about it.
auz auz 36-40, M 18 Responses Sep 16, 2007

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My sister died after a year long battle, sadly her son could not cope at the thought of her dying and committed suicide... I miss them both very much. When I was born, my mother told my sister I was her birthday present.. I was born the day after her birthday. There was 10 yrs between us. She was always my advisor... now I have no one I can talk to

I know how you felt when you went to her home. I was going home to see Dad because he was really sick, but he died before I could get there. Then I saw his truck in the driveway and expected him to be home.

I have had very little love and affection in my life, but I have had the pleasure of observing what it must be like to be a part of such a loving group, and I cannot imagine the way you must feel from the huge loss of a member of that obviously very close, loving and affectionate group.

When I read of sad things like this, it makes me afraid of ever loving someone that much, because as I say, it would be so horrible to lose them.

Maybe I'm lucky in a way, I'll always be arms length from such sadness, loss, and hurt.

My heart goes out to you.

Im sorry for your loss. My uncle died because of cancer too. Cancer is one of the worst thing that existed in the world. You know, sometimes life can be so complicated. Stay strong[: !

Im so moved reading this story..

I kind of have an Idea when it comes to cancer, my Cousin is now going through this and your story is to me another assurance that What im doing is the right thing meaning I am being there for her.
I go visit her every other day after each surgeries and even when she is feeling well, there is no reason to say and plan to go see her later I go as soon as i can because i know that I could talk to her today but she may not be here tomorrow, why delay such thing why not go visit her when I know her days are short and unpredictable? I ask my self.
I know sometimes we are far from our relatives and is not easy but people need to make time for others in need and I'm sure you must feel bad that you didn't get to see her right before she passed and that is going to eat you up for the longest you live and I don't want that to happen to me.
Cancer is a nightmare and I wish it would stop happening , I hate cancer.

I'm glad my story could be a help to you.

I think such a feeling is not a bad thing, it helps you release yourself. I'm sure that time will cure you. If you want to be even more positive, you may imagine the well meet with her in heaven.

I'm sorry for your loss... I can't say I know how you feel because my sister totally betrayed me and took someone I care about from me. I'm so disappointed at her right now that I'm not sure I'll be sad if she was gone. In fact, she has always been selfish, conceited and cruel. She's always competed with me and beat me to what I want. All she cares about is herself. Not my mom, not my brothers and most certainly not me. So I'm sorry to say this but I can't find it in my heart to forgive her or grieve for her if she wasn't around anymore. If you read my story you will know what I'm talking about. :(
I'm sure your sister deserves all your grief, respect and love. I bet she was a good person with a kind heart. No wonder why you miss her and think of the good times you spent growing up together. I wish I could say the same about mine.

May God rest her soul in Heaven.

I empathise with you deeply. I do hope that you are able find a constructive way to deal with your grief and emotions, so you don't go through the rest of your life feeling sad and confused about this trauma you have experienced, in the loss of your sister. It can be hard to make sense of what happens to us in life, when we have to do it all on our own. I don't think it is natural to try and figure some things out by ourselves, like why our loved ones have to die and how we are supposed to react to a loss like that. Also, I don't think we are built to deal with complicated emotions on our own, or deal with shock and trauma on our own. I didn't talk to anyone about how I felt after my husband died many years ago, and I went through life carrying a great burden around with me, which was terribly painful and which made me very sick, physically and psychologically. Obviously, we are all different and unique as individuals, and while some are stronger than others, and far more able to cope with trauma, most people need the support of someone like a professionally trained counsellor to patiently and gently guide ones who are grieving, safely through their ordeal. They are trained to listen and empathise, while you pour your private feelings out. Most importantly, they can help by providing a certain perspective which enables people to more easily understand what is happening to them, and that they will, inevitably be okay! This unique perspective is something that is valuable, because when one is in the throws of grief, and shock etc, life can take on a strange hue, and everything can feel very surreal at times, and all you want to do is go back to feeling normal again. All the best to you and your family... please dont be afraid to reach out if necessary.

It still hurts. Your sister does not suffer anymore. It is the ones who are left behind that suffer. We share a very similar pain. Thank you! Pete

Thanks for your kind thoughts & words, I am glad you find this story helpful

Hello Auz :)

I am sorry that you lost your sister. I just want to ask you, if the situation with her and yourself were reversed- and you were the one who had passed- would it make any difference to you if your sister went to your funeral? would you want it to be haunting her the way it is you?

As humans we get so attached to some things/ some ideas - sometimes we forget to evaluate if we have got the point or if we have missed to point.

Stepping outside of our own thinking can be a useful thing. Try to to observe the situation from the point of view of a third person who is "neutral" - and ask yourself- what would that person be thinking?

you can get to the bottom of it for yourself- make a conscious effort to do so. once you decide, it will be a whole lot easier to allow you to move on to a life where you are the master of your mind and not the other way.

One can have a thousand reasons to remain the same and remain stagnant, yet finding one reason for which to change is enough to do so - in spite of all the reasons against!

life is so fragile- pick yourself up again, you have it in you :)

Thank you for your thoughtful advice.

really sad to knw abt tht...may her soul rest in peace...Ameen

And why didn't you go to the funeral?

Hi, it is very expensive, and I didn't have the money to be able to go.

what i think is , you could have borrowed money . Australia is a rich country , you can get second chances .

Sorry that you were not able to say goodbye. I too thought I would have had the chance. My sister died of Cancer this July 2012. It was a hard thing to swallow. I know It will take me a long time to get over the death part. I always feel like she was not ready. She was lively and quite the traveler. You don't need to get over the sadness. Just the reality that she is dead but not forgotten. Keep her stong by remembering what you two did to keep each other a strong family.

Thanks for your kind word and thoughts.

The most iportant thing in all those desease is to not allow to feel anybody alone during the most difficult phase of desease. I think about chemotheraoy, a passsing of a part of treating. I think about a first whle when the doctos says "You have got a cancer". It is normal this diagnosis is frightening. More drizzling is a feeling of lonely in the hospital and thing about how to do all to make her not suffering. It is that same in case of old and young. When you have got somebody cloed friend or closed relatives whie your death, there is someting the most beautiful in the world.

I lost mine to metastisized breast cancer in September 2005. She was diagnosed with bone cancer in 2002 with an expected duration of 3 years. I got to see her about 4 times between then and the end. And you are correct. It never truely goes away. Hail Prozac and Effexor for keeping the survivors functional.

I am so sorry that your sister is gone. Mine died of Soft Tissue Sarcoma in 1997. Sometimes it helps to sit and talk as if she were here. I can almost hear her answers...when I finish, I always feel cheered, as if we really talked. Maybe we did.

The sadness never really goes away does it ? There's always something to remind you of the one you lost, and that's not an entirely bad thing. I lost my sister in May of 2002. She was in her 2nd remission from ovarian cancer and suddenly two days after her last chemo treatment she was gone.