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I Lost My Virginity At 14

I'm a 17 year old female, who lives with the regret of losing her virginity at 14.
Now, three years on, it feels like it was all a horrible nightmare that is still haunting me. Here's my story...
It was the summer of 2009 and this 17 year old guy started talking to me - he seemed nice and we planned to meet up. But now I look back it seems so suspicious why a 17 year old would want to even acknowledge a 14 year old... So we met up a couple of times and he seemed like a lovely guy, but very sensitive and I always felt this was because his dad left him when he was younger. We started going out. It was all fine for the first few weeks, however I started noticing he kept mentioning about us having sex and it was subconsciously manipulating me into the idea. I knew he had done it before therefore I felt slightly pressured and it made me feel that's what I had to do. So, before I could stop and think, we ended up doing it. We only dated for 2 months and a week after we'd done it, he dumped me. I realised his plan all along was to get an innocent vulnerable 14 year old girl into his bed.
It's sickening. On the day he dumped me, there was a firework display and he went with another girl. I saw him and with all my anger I slapped him.
I regret the whole thing. If I could erase anything from my memory, it would be that. I am not that type of girl, I grew up shy and with a well supportive family. I hate that I made myself into someone I'm not. I hate I can't tell my mum about it all because I don't want to hurt her. I hate that I now relate sex to him.
I haven't had sex since. I am so worried about getting into a relationship and them finding out I lost it at such a young age resulting in them leaving me - I'd be crushed. I always wonder if I should tell the guy I fall in love with about it, but I guess it is their right to know.
I know most people would think 'wow, what a ****' losing my virginity at 14, but I'm not. In a way I'd prefer to be who I am and lost it and learnt from it than to have slept with 12 guys by the age of 17. But then I'd prefer to have lost it to someone I love and when I was ready than to be me. But it's taught me not to judge other people because there's always a reason behind everyone's mistakes. Let the past stay in the past. But you'll never forget, you've just got to learn to move on and live with it.
ylimesor ylimesor 16-17, F 13 Responses Sep 19, 2012

Your Response


I think first times are overrated and people want to hold on to things like that for way to long. It happened and you regret it, but let the hate and insecurity make place for new experiences with better people. This may be hard, but in the end it will be worth it.

Did it hurt ?

You are not a ****. You were inexperienced and he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. I don't think anyone will leave you for losing it at young age.

Just try and enjoy yourself. When you get older you will understand. It is about you. Doesn't matter what people think. Just take care of number one. Sex is fun and to be enjoyed. Fretting only takes away from your ability to enjoy yourself. Good luck.

Be open to your new man about it.I know when me and my boyfriend took a real this other guy came along and he was my rock I told him and he totally understood .If he can't handle that then it's his loss😃

Dear dear....... This is why now we are purchasing even Trust in the form of Paper like Bonds, Document etc and yours was really Touching :/ I am extreemly sorry for what has happend to you but, I want to tell you something dear... Somethings happen in our life that makes us even stronger and better :)

And, i feel like your current boyfriend is really a nice person not because he is Virgin but, becoz he is a Good Human being :) Darling, beleive me its very very difficult to find a person - might be a girl or a boy who is 100% percent Trustworthy. What my suggestion for you is to wait for a while and decide yourself that if he is a person who can be trusted... You will get to know this by his Behaviour, Truthfullness, Sincerity, Responsibility and most importantly a Unconditional Love towards you :) :) :)
No matter what he can do for you or not but, important thing is that atleast he is planning to something for you :) And, its Vice-Versa :) :)
I am sure if this Relationship succeeds consdering everything above mentioned then, i will say Just Go for it Baby!!!!

I hope you be Stronger and Motivated :) May God be with you darling :)

Take care and Enjoy the Nature...

Just be honest with ur new guy... hopefully he will be understanding and just explain how u feel. I too was young and so trusting and yes ppl prey on ppl like that. You are so young, dont let this control ur life (or sex life) and taking it slow is a great idea, i wish i would have so many times. Get to know eachother, fall inlove with eachother with out the sex and ur relationship will b one to remember. This guy who used u will end up with nothing... he is nothing, remember that. lol u remind me of the old me i once was and i feel like this is what i would of told me at age 17. Just rememeber u r stronger than u think

I'm glad that you can speak openly about your feelings so where no one knows you. I think when you feel it is he right time to forgive yourself and tell your parents.

I need some advice...
So, it's been 3 years and I've got a new boyfriend (been with him for a month). We're taking it slow, which I'm happy about because I could never face going through the same situation again. The problem I am having is whether I should open up to him about my past... I'm so worried he may just leave me when he hears about it. I really don't know what to do... He's a virgin, so this may make things worse knowing that I am not and the way I lost it. But the fact is, I don't count my past experience as losing my virginity because I didn't want it. What do I do?! Please help.
P.S. He's a lovely guy

Hey. its so sad... i can understand what you feeling now... Even i got a chance to innocent girl, who wanted to know about sex... i thought her, we did oral but i dint had sex with her... she is still in my contact and we are very good friends... hope we can be friends.. add me or leave me a message at

Your story is so sad :( Its such a shame that this happens alot-it can be really damaging. You make me want to share mine, which is similar. xox

It happens too often, we are all vulnerable around that age - it's upsetting! I hope you're ok! It does make you feel slightly better getting it off your chest, no matter how long it has taken me to open up about it. It's lovely to hear that people don't judge me for this because that's a concern of mine now, especially when getting a new boyfriend. The only thing we can do is move forward and not look back! xxx

I am really sorry about that and i hope you will be able to forget about it someday ! :)
I just hope that son of a ***** will get hurt by someone like you did :/ x

Thanks for your support! I don't think I will ever forget, but at least I've learnt from it. :) I would never wish this situation on anyone; I hope to help others to not be manipulated in the same way! xxx

If you find the right guy he will understand. I was with a girl that had been molested by a family member and because I cared & loved her I respected how she felt about sex. You cant let what one boy did keep you from living a full relationship with someone. You were young and naive and he played on that. Take what you have learned from this guy and use it to keep it from happening again. If they guy you meet next trys to preassure you into sex then you just dump him but if he understand and respect that you arent ready for sex then its possible he will wait for you to be ready. We all fall down in our life its how we get back up and move on from that that makes us who we are. Think of that moment as one that you will never do again as you now know what to expect from a dickhead guy.

Thank you so much for your comment! My heart goes out to that girl and I hope she's ok.
At least now I am stronger and won't let it happen again. We all make mistakes - we're only human.
Thanks again!