I Lost My Virginity At 14I'm a 17 year old female, who lives with the regret of losing her virginity at 14.
Now, three years on, it feels like it was all a horrible nightmare that is still haunting me. Here's my story...
It was the summer of 2009 and this 17 year old guy started talking to me - he seemed nice and we planned to meet up. But now I look back it seems so suspicious why a 17 year old would want to even acknowledge a 14 year old... So we met up a couple of times and he seemed like a lovely guy, but very sensitive and I always felt this was because his dad left him when he was younger. We started going out. It was all fine for the first few weeks, however I started noticing he kept mentioning about us having sex and it was subconsciously manipulating me into the idea. I knew he had done it before therefore I felt slightly pressured and it made me feel that's what I had to do. So, before I could stop and think, we ended up doing it. We only dated for 2 months and a week after we'd done it, he dumped me. I realised his plan all along was to get an innocent vulnerable 14 year old girl into his bed.
It's sickening. On the day he dumped me, there was a firework display and he went with another girl. I saw him and with all my anger I slapped him.
I regret the whole thing. If I could erase anything from my memory, it would be that. I am not that type of girl, I grew up shy and with a well supportive family. I hate that I made myself into someone I'm not. I hate I can't tell my mum about it all because I don't want to hurt her. I hate that I now relate sex to him.
I haven't had sex since. I am so worried about getting into a relationship and them finding out I lost it at such a young age resulting in them leaving me - I'd be crushed. I always wonder if I should tell the guy I fall in love with about it, but I guess it is their right to know.
I know most people would think 'wow, what a ****' losing my virginity at 14, but I'm not. In a way I'd prefer to be who I am and lost it and learnt from it than to have slept with 12 guys by the age of 17. But then I'd prefer to have lost it to someone I love and when I was ready than to be me. But it's taught me not to judge other people because there's always a reason behind everyone's mistakes. Let the past stay in the past. But you'll never forget, you've just got to learn to move on and live with it.
ylimesor 16-17, F 12 Responses 8 Sep 19, 2012