While My Mother Was Watching And Did NothingI was 14 years old when it happened. I grew up in a bad neighborhood and always heard stories of all the horrible stuff people would do. I was scared all the time, but I never would of thought that I would be raped in my own house and my mother watched..
I walked into the house right after school, when I opened the door I saw the tall, muscular man in the living room. I paid no attention to him, because my mother always had men in and out of the house. She would use her body for drugs, so it was normal for me to see a half naked man laying on the couch. So I walked past him, and went take a shower. To my surpise, he wasnt there for my mother.. he was there for me. He walked into the bathroom, I heard someone but I just thought it was my mom so I paid no attention to it. He opened the shower curtain, when I saw him my heart dropped. I knew what was about to happen. I tried to run away, he grabbed me before I even got out the shower, pushed me against the wall. I was fighting as hard as I could, screaming out for my mother to help me. Then I heard her say just do it for me, stop fighting it will be over before you know it. I couldnt believe that she was actually standing there letting him do this to me.. I still try to fight him off, but that only made him more angry. I threw on the bathroom floor, I tried to crawl away, but she grabbed me by my feet and pulled me toward him.. He was so strong, he held me down and managed to get in me, I cried the whole time, begged my mom to help me. She just stood there and watched him do it and told me it will be over soon do this for me. I never stopped fighting, it was worthless but I still tried. I wouldnt give up.. I think he enjoyed that I kept fighting. That ******* sick *** man, got off on my ******* pain.. When it was over he handed my mom a little bag with crack rocks in it. She used my virginity as a way to get her fix.
I wasnt raised reglious or anything, but I wanted to lose my virginity to someone I loved.. Not a complete stranger. All I can remember is feeling so dirty afterwards, I would stay in the shower and scrub myself until my skin started to peel off..I felt worthless and disgusting.
I look back on it and I realize that it wasnt my fault, I couldnt stop him no matter what. He was to strong for me to get away from. I used to blame myself, but as the years past I started to realize nothing that I could have done would of prevented what happened.