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While My Mother Was Watching And Did Nothing

I was 14 years old when it happened. I grew up in a bad neighborhood and always heard stories of all the horrible stuff people would do. I was scared all the time, but I never would of thought that I would be raped in my own house and my mother watched..

I walked into the house right after school, when I opened the door I saw the tall, muscular man in the living room. I paid no attention to him, because my mother always had men in and out of the house. She would use her body for drugs, so it was normal for me to see a half naked man laying on the couch. So I walked past him, and went take a shower. To my surpise, he wasnt there for my mother.. he was there for me. He walked into the bathroom, I heard someone but I just thought it was my mom so I paid no attention to it. He opened the shower curtain, when I saw him my heart dropped. I knew what was about to happen. I tried to run away, he grabbed me before I even got out the shower, pushed me against the wall. I was fighting as hard as I could, screaming out for my mother to help me. Then I heard her say just do it for me, stop fighting it will be over before you know it. I couldnt believe that she was actually standing there letting him do this to me.. I still try to fight him off, but that only made him more angry. I threw on the bathroom floor, I tried to crawl away, but she grabbed me by my feet and pulled me toward him.. He was so strong, he held me down and managed to get in me, I cried the whole time, begged my mom to help me. She just stood there and watched him do it and told me it will be over soon do this for me. I never stopped fighting, it was worthless but I still tried. I wouldnt give up.. I think he enjoyed that I kept fighting. That ******* sick *** man, got off on my ******* pain.. When it was over he handed my mom a little bag with crack rocks in it. She used my virginity as a way to get her fix.

I wasnt raised reglious or anything, but I wanted to lose my virginity to someone I loved.. Not a complete stranger. All I can remember is feeling so dirty afterwards, I would stay in the shower and scrub myself until my skin started to peel off..I felt worthless and disgusting.

I look back on it and I realize that it wasnt my fault, I couldnt stop him no matter what. He was to strong for me to get away from. I used to blame myself, but as the years past I started to realize nothing that I could have done would of prevented what happened.
deleted deleted 26-30 53 Responses May 6, 2012

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wow! i feel so sorry for her if that really happened!!

Is your mom dead

no

kill her then

That is just sick thing to do a child. I hate to hear a mother can do that to their child. And that man- how could he do that to a child! Sometimes I wonder if there is a God, people are becoming more vile day by day.

Respect you for realising it wasn't your fault, most people wouldn't be able to do that. I hope you manage to put it behind you

I am so sorry for you, I wish you my best

soo understand u n ur plight if u want to talk n connect plz do thanks jim

You deserve a better mother. I am so sorry. i had not idea Addiction can make people go this far

You wonder how mean people can be. A mother to offer her daughter to a man. The effect that addiction has on people. It just seems to have no bounds. The scars that is left will seem to last for ever. Sometimes you wish you had an assault rifle....

Did he ever punch you in your belly? He sounds evil.

What happen to your mother?
And how long ago did it happen?
I hope your doing better!

wow I can't believe your mom sold you out for crack she's sick and I'm so sorry it happened to you

I'm so sorry about this....this is literally the worst story I came across, just know we care, right love? We care.

Never blame it on yourself.
Its your mother's fault.

Stay strong and i am glad you know it's not your fault with rape it never is and you are not alone read my story a year ago I got raped and just know you tryed

You are very strong too tell us ur story I'm glad u realized its not ur fault.keep ur faith.I'm glad ur ok

I'm so sorry it was never your fault.

its a good thing you got over it :)

No one can become mother by giving simple birth,,, the motherhood is a completely different set of mind. .... The story here is a complete picture of inhumanity and not even found in the Animal World

Its very heart breaking to hear this.You are very strong to have shared this instead of keeping silent,lots havent.You dont have to live with what happened because we don`t have control over what happens but we do have control over how we react,So choose how to react.Remember God loves you no matter what happened to you.I would suggest whispering a prayer to Him every time you feel the thoughts coming back.Take the first step in faith you dont have to see the whole staircase

It's a very good thing that you don't hold yourself responsible for this. What your mother did was something you couldn't control. Seek counseling and/or other ways of getting help and finding someone to talk to.

i hope she feels guilty and feels the need to hang herself everytime she thinks about it

No it's not your fault it's your mother's fault what kinda parent would do that is boyond me if i saw my child in danger i would protect them with my life.....i'm completely speechless what happened too you & if me saying it's your mother's fault offended you i apologise But its the truth i hope you are ok now hun & hopefully you can be happy again :)

off course it is not your fault at all.. you were innocent and dont hurt your self please

Aww, I'm lost for words.
Your strength has truly inspired me.

awww :(

im so sorry this happen to you but if that was my daugther be raped by some stranger and saw that i would have hurt the guy

Omg I'm so sorry, may God bless u and lead u to the right path in life, u seem to b strong minded and know how to
Properly relay ur experience. U should help other victims, I wish I could hv helped others, but I was scared, I still am.

dont blame yourself you put up a good fight anyone is to be blamed its ur mom she stood there and watched :(

I don't know what to say... Some people just don't deserve to be parents. N ur mother definitely didn't deserve to have u in her 'care'. I know the damage is done now. N perhaps u can now see that it wasn't ur fault. Know that no matter what have happened to u, in despite of ur feelings of self-hate or blame, nothing make u any less precious n worthy as a person, who have the full right to be happy, loved n protected.
I wish u much happiness n healing. U deserve that.

Did you keep on living with your mother? Did you have other family to live with? I would have been appalled, depressed and just plain angry if my Mum had done that to me!

I am so very sorry that happened to you sweetheart. It never should happen to any child and no it wasn't your fault. Some people just shouldn't be given the precious lives of children to oversee. All kids should know is perfect love . They should never go hungry or be cold. They all deserve a clean warm bed at night that is safe from the "boogey man". This world being so much less than perfect-that's NOT what is- only what should be.