My Soul Is Lost

Was raped on a daily basis by my uncle at the age of 5. My immediate famiily had move back to our home state, my parents sold our house so we had to live with relatives, my uncle raped me horrendously, and gave me gonorrhea. i didn't really know why I always was getting sick as a child, and had to use suppositories as well. I am still suffering til this day as a 21 year old female. I have a lot of health problems, I suffer from bipolar/schizophrenia, sometimes medication doesn't help, I have no close friends to talk to,I am lonely allof the time, and  my suicide attempts have all failed.   Sometimes I want to take my life because I feel my only worth is being used...I have no self esteem, no self worth, my spirit just is broken...
BeautifulSoul702 BeautifulSoul702
18-21, F
7 Responses May 24, 2012

i was raped by my dad but unlike you i think my rape made me a stronger person.

i know exactly what you are talking about, i was repeatedly raped by mu uncle, youve got a friend in me msg me anytime ok


I'm so sorry that happened to you. :'(

I am really sorry for what happened to you. I know it is difficult to share such a tragedy with others, but you did it. You are stronger than you actually think you are. Indulge yourself in an activity that interests you, anything that interests you so that you can be relieved for a while from thoughts sticking to your head. Once your mind starts to develop interest in other things in life, your self-esteem and self-worth will start healing. You can be stronger than you ever have.

i know i can. thank you so much for the incredible words

I know several people have offered to talk to you. But if you still need someone I'm here. Sending my love your way x

sorry what he evil person cant you tell police or somewhere.

Hi. I have gone through a similar situtation except it was my oldest brother who lived in my house with me. The fear of just living in my house was overwhelming. I still have to see him on a regular basis and my parents always told me I was a liar. I'm also bi-polar and have a border line personality disorder. I understand what you are going through though our situations are a little different. I have tried suicide a couple times and I also was a cutter. I myself do not know how to deal with life right now. My medication does not work for me that I've been on for 2 years. I try to numb the pain with drugs and alcohol but that only makes problems worse. I would love to try to work through stuff with you so we can both try to get happiness into our lives. Send me a message if you'd like to talk.

Hun do you go to counseling? I have had many friends go through something similar, even my ex's little sister whose now 15 went through the exact same thing and has emotional and health problems. I've studied a lot of psychology so if you ever need someone to talk to send me a private message and we can text:) or we can just private message, either way. I have also attempted suicide twice, i think i can give you some advice.

i have tried counseling, therapy, psychiatrist , groups, all of that but I just can not seem to get my head together. I know it is something much deeper with that, even this being the reason for my mental disorders but I can not seem to find any type of happiness with my life. I want so many things that if I make out a list of my wants and needs, the negative wants always outweigh my positive wants. i do not get it. I just need that one honest person that can be there for me without any negative intentions or anything else but yes i would private message you to talk to you more about this because i would like someone to talk to on a more one on one basises. thank you+)

Great, i'll be watching for you.