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Me And My Father

I don't even Know how old I was when the touching started. It was always there. My father raped me and my 2 brothers for years before finally turning himself in. We where born and grew up in Africa. My parents were missionaries, and my father a pastor(no not Catholic). We moved to Canada when I was 9 and 4 months later my father turned himself in. The thing is they could only prossicute him for the things done in Canada, so he got a year and a half sentence in a minimum security prison. When he got out of prison he moved to live in the town next to my familys home. He then went to court to see if he could meet with us children. When my mom and the law said no he put up a huge tempertantrum. He started accusing my mom of keeping us apart, that we realy wanted to see my father and my mom was hiding us from him. He keeps trying new tactics every few years to see us, and no-one wants to see him.

Why could'nt I have had a normal father?
All the father daughter moments that happen in the movies are never going to happen for me. Why did he have to mess everything up?
Is it bad that I just want a normal father figure? ( Not my real father)
I just want him to know how I feel without talking to him!
Cas5iopia Cas5iopia 22-25, F 11 Responses Jul 8, 2012

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Sorry that happened to you.

Wow

you are not alone, my biological father tried to kill me on multiple occasions and my step father raped me for three years. all i want is a father who will teach me, and love me. i suffer from PTSD and i too wonder why they didn't love me. you are not alone. remeber that there are people who love you.

you are not alone. night after night i was touched by my father. initially i didnt understand, but after few times i liked those feelings until i day i just couldnt control and wetted the bed. dont know what happened, he left me immediately, but that time i didnt want him to leave. next night on, however hard i tried to pretend to sleep, i couldnt control and all my movements discouraged him and he had to withdraw himseld. ttoday i realize it was good in some sense that he got scared and i was spared.

I am so sorry to hear this I'm honestly having trouble finding the words as my eyes start to tear up I know I don't even know you but even strangers can feel compassion

Sweetie I am so sorry! I wasn't raped but my father molested me when I was 11 and I understand what you mean about a normal father. I can't even go to a wedding without having to leave during the father daughter dance :-( If you ever wanna talk I'm here.

not all father daughter relationship are like that and I am very sorry this happened to you....it will pervert your own image of God and man and make relationship extremely hard....just continue to do what you feel best and one of the thing which I know is hard to to do is forgive me...seems like there is lots of freedom once you forgive a person for what they have done for you.....our prayers and best wishes are with you

I wonder if he knows the scars he has left behind? The questions that wont be answered and the pain of it all.

I don't think he dose understand. Thank you

I'm sorry this happened to you I never really knew my dad and that does upset me sometimes but nothing like this.your really brave you know that?:)

Thank you I've never really thought of myself as brave. :)

Thank You

Wanting a normal father is definitely not bad! You've been through a terrible ordeal. It's good that the authorities got your dad, the downside is that they didn't lock him away for long enough.<br />
But you have to believe me when I say that it isn't your fault. I know what it is to be raped and spent so long blaming myself. I'm sorry for what happened to you. And I'm sorry that you'll never know the proper love of a father. Stay strong <3