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Here We Go...

June 31, 2011 I lost my virginity to a complete stranger, totally against my will. I was 16 then.
I was at a party with my neighbor. I started to feel a bit weak after I'd accepted a drink from the host. I didn't think much about it so I went about my buisness and got to talking to a cute guy. In no time we were up in some room making out and peeling our clothes off. It took me a few minutes to realize what was happening. I stopped him from going any farther. He didn't. What was left of my clothes was brutishly ripped off. Whatever I was drugged with made me completely useless in defendeing myself. He crossed my arms behind my back, pinned my legs down and forcefully entered me. There was no taking it slow, no gentle. The pain I endured that night, physically and psychologically, were greater than anything I'd ever experienced. He held my face and kept me from screaming; I was helpless and I hated it.
The worst part is that whatever I was drugged with wasn't enough to make me forge, and I wish more then anything to forget. I remember every detail, I have nightmares recalling it. I remember his face but I know nothing about him.
I still hold on to feelings of deep hatred for him. I wish only pain and suffering to him. I want him to go through what I went through. I want him to hurt like I did. I want him to suffer like I am.
I am changed now. I've only ever told one other person about my rape. That was a month ago. It hasnt even been a year since the incident.
Chromeshark Chromeshark 16-17, F 4 Responses Jul 10, 2012

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Please report him to the police !

Well I guess you are strangers any more...have you seen him again?

I've not seen him since, but I can't really say I've tried to find him either.

I have been through a similar experience I was 18 and I wasn't ready for sex. An I was upset over a guy and I went to my friends birthday party up town. My sister and her friend left to go home. I was drunk and a randomer started chatting to me. I blacked out most of the night I rem him dragging me to the car park an I shouted my friend she looked at me an went on her way. He drove me somewhere far away and in the middle of nowhere he started touching me at the time my mum was pressuring me into having a relationship. An I felt in a sick way oh well mum will be happy. And then he forced me to give him oral sex grabbed my head so hard. I blacked out. He got out the car shown me his penis I remember laughing coz it was small. He shouted at me to get out the car scared I did and then he forced me in the back. An forced himself onto me I remember shouting im a virgin an he just laughed an continued it was the worst pain ever. An I find it hard still. I will never forget. X

I also think I was drugged too. My doctor was unsympathetic an I always blamed myself.

Never blame yourself for the actions of another, and never try to forget about anything that impacts your life.
Being raped not something that will just go away. You have to learn to accept it for what it is. It's a lesson. A hard lesson that no one should have to learn the way we do, but we do. We need not allow the situation to consume us. The situation becomes a part of us, not to bring us down, but to make us stronger.

Life is written like a good book. The book may have a page or two that we don't like. Whe may want to rip these pages out of the book but we can't because these pages, though we may not like it, are key structural elements to the entire story.

You poor poor thing. You know that this wasn't your fault, don't you? You were drugged and he violated you. It was wrong and I completely understand what you're going through. If you ever need someone to talk to let me know <3

Thanks. I know it's not my fault. I've always known that. I have to admit, knowing right off the bat that it was his fault has fueled my hatred for him. I know it's not healthy but I can't bring myself to forgive him.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you recover 100% and realize not all men are idiots. I believe in Karma and this... person, (not a man as a man would not do this) will get his just desserts. God bless you and have strength.

Thank you. I know all men aren't idiots. The many men in my life are very influential and I know they would never hurt me. And I hope Karma gets him if it hasn't already.