I Dont Know What Story To Use..

For years ive been lying about who took my virginity.. i say it was my first bf.. and its true.
He was the first guy i had consensual sex with.
But, i don't see it that way..
When i was younger i was sexually& physically abused by my biological father. (my older brother was too, he wont come forward about it though and now has very severe bi polar disorder)
and since there was full penetration.. i will forever believe my father...ugh.. ***** donor.. took it.
They told me that there was a chance he didnt break my hymen..i know thats not the case though

Every time i start a new relationship with a guy..i have to tell him about it..because i have really bad ptsd.
but its hard.. how are you supposed to explain to a man..that you are most likely going to have sex with.. that your father had sex with you before you even turned 5..
i dont have relationships now because i cant meet a guy that can truly get past that..
and understand that i cant control what has happened to me and the mental/emotional trauma i have now..

I am a strong person.. i am. Im independent and i dont seek pitty from others. Im there for anyone.. and put friends/family before myself.
But inside..i'm miserable. I want to have a normal relationship so badly.
instead of living a single life full of random sexual partners.

well..anyway ill end it there..
i was just wondering what others thought i should do..
just not tell them about my father and lie..or tell them and keep looking until i find someone that can deal with it..

Ljaine Ljaine
18-21, F
7 Responses Sep 19, 2012

I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through as a child. it's really terrible and i hope that given time you are able to heal and overcome the struggle you are left with.
I know this is an old post so i don't know if you have found a relationship with anyone, but I just wanted you to know that there are guys out there who will be able to deal with your past. In fact, there is nothing to deal with or get over. You were harmed as a child and it was not your fault. it does not change the fact that you are a beautiful and wonderful person who deserves to be loved. If a guy meets you and likes you and is mature enough, and you confide in him, in my opinion he should be grateful for your honesty, this is a good and admirable quality and really lacking in many relationships. He should admire and respect you for the courage it takes firstly to live with this terrible burden, and secondly to tell someone you've just met. You told them because you respect them enough to tell them the truth so that they can decide for themselves. It means you considered them first. In my mind, if I like someone and they tell me this, my first instinct will probably be protectiveness or concern, a desire to help, maybe mixed in with anger towards your dad or helplessness if this is something new to me and I don't know how to deal with it. The ptsd might be something that can scare people simply because unless we're experienced with it we may not know how to deal with it (and worry whether this is something more than we can handle) but if it's a truly caring person they will try to understand. something i've learned about dating is a lot of people usually care more about a set of expectations in their heads that they hope to find in the other person rather than discovering and learning about new things and new people. it's easy for such people to be disappointed by what they don't understand. And what they don't understand is that the world is full of real people who have had real things happen to them and who have challenges in their lives that make them no less loving or deserving of love. So in the end maybe telling the truth is a good way to weed out the bad ones. it may take a bit longer but that probably means that when the right one comes along he'll just fit right into your life.

Ljaine you have to realize that you are a strong, beautiful young woman. What your father did to you does not define you nor control you unless you allow it to. You are sharing this intimate thing with men because subconsciously you want them to leave you. In order for you to truly find love you have to love yourself first. Do whatever you need to do in order to move on from this. Then and only then will you have the happily ever after you truly want. He's out there waiting just for you.

You need help with your ptsd first of all and then find a man who is sensible and mature enough to handle your past, let him know that you are attemping to get help for your yourself. When you go to have sex, your future boyfriend (and the others in the past)will probably think that he is hurting you.

I didn't tell my boyfriend at first but after awhile I did and because he loves who I am he accepted my past and the problems with it..all I can say is if the person u are with can't accept it they can't truely love u..u have to keep searching and ull find someone..It's gonna be tuff though so I wish u luck and don't let ur past control u It's gona be part of u but moving on isnt easy either

When you are compelled to tell what happened to you, just think about being smarter. I hope it helps and this is not pity, but I am really sorry for what happened to you.

keep it hush
and don't take it out on them
after all, every girl has her secrets and guys don't need to know how many men i have slept with for real?

I don't think its good to lie to the person you're in a relationship with though.

And its.not about how many guys I've slept with -.- its about my father and my ptsd.. did you not read my story?

Wow your story hit home my little sister back in the 80ss was raped by my brother and she and I still talk about that she never got over it and its been about 33 years,sorry about what happened to you

Yeah..its hard to get over when its your blood. I'm sorry about your sister ): and thank you.