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If Only....

When i was little around the age of eight my brother and i shared a room. One night he was so mad that my dad and step mom went out. He tried to kiss me but i kept pushing away. He went out of the room and he grabbed duct tape. He tied me up with it and ripped off my clothes. I tried screaming but no one was home. He slipped into me and it was so painfull. He kept smacking me around saying stop being a bad sister. Once it was over he left for his friends house and i was left in the room crying and bleeding. He did this repeditly for many years. I was to scared to tell anyone he said he would hurt me. This summer i finally came out about it to my mom. I went to the police and told them. Now my dad and my step mom hate me because of what i did. The police couldnt do anything because there was no cunfessions and no evidence. I regret everyday not saying something that i should have. Sometimes i feel like its my fault for not speaking out. My mom blames herself for letting me live there for so long and not even noticing how sad i was.
nooneisperfect11 nooneisperfect11 13-15, F 2 Responses Nov 4, 2012

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what a brother

sweetie, it's not your fault. your brother was likely in a dark, dark place and translated that to you...but it is NOT your fault. it will never be your fault. don't let hindsight fool you. you can trust yourself that you did what you could at the time. now all you can work towards is healing. keep your chin up.

thanks your comment means alot to me